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7 Steps to Personal Peace with Others, Basic Civility and Simple Diplomacy

Updated on February 10, 2020
Christofers Flow profile image

Christofer spent 10 years in family counseling. Later he obtained a Psy. D.. His focuses: Health, History, Astrology, Politics and Fables

Imagine Willfulness as a Way to Approach Daily Challenges. Then Envision Countermeasures.

The World of Nature Poses Multitudes.
The World of Nature Poses Multitudes.

Some People Never Outgrow the TERRIBLE TWOS

"Honey, you are going to have to get over it. This is the way they get at two,

and some of 'em never get over it."

There is not a Ton of Fun in Fundamental

I Remember The Terrible Two's Times 4, Times 8.

I have reared four children, so I speak from broad practical, experiential places. My two year olds, were FULL OF THEMSELVES. I read the Proverbs about "every man being right in his own eyes", and I thought, my Lord, this must be the essential purpose of life. I also have 8 grand children. I have observed 12 times THE TERRIBLE TWOS. So get us past two...teach our kids to think of others, share and say "Thank you" and we're set, right?

I speak simplistically and in jest, of course ---- but just because this drama is played out all the time does not mean it is simple ---- no, IT IS FUNDAMENTAL!

"Honey, you are going to have to get over it. This is the way they get at two, and some of 'em never get over it."

Dealing with the headstrong, listening to their speeches in a rudimentary and basic lingo. When you look down and see a two year old absolutely defy all of the plump, tall, powerful, "overwhelming" adults in their lives, you must let out a pure grin of appreciation for what LIFE CONFERS. A Grandmother was heard to say the Quote Above of her newly minted grandchild to her daughter/mother:

They say - Some great actors suffer from "Stage Fright"

A Drama Coach declared to a young actor one day, upon fearing going on stage one night. He was warning that fear was there as a natural thing, and the world was there as a natural thing, but most importantly your Powerful Sense of Yourself is there as your response to the World, and your abiding, free-floating Fear.

In a complicated way, the trained actor is a complex individual pretending to be a fictional complex person. So, an actor with stage fright has to get down into his Interior to carry the fictional load of the evening. Ironic but instructive.

AS MANY A COACH HAS DECLARED ------"You Had Better Be Strong Because The World Will Eat You Alive"

BASIC PRINCIPALS start to come clear:

1) We must always have a strong well-defined Sense of Self.

2) Maturity is the building of character on top of the Foundational Self and hopefully developing some Dignity along the way.

3) These humans down here that you are running around with are all your brothers and sisters. If you can tolerate "Yourself IN Yourself", don't you suppose you can tolerate it in others? (Is that a silly question these days?)

(4) Our race is "full of itself", but it had better be. It is religion and bosses and enemies that wish you would be more humble. God could not believe how "stubborn and stiffnecked" the Israelites were. And yes, they were. But they were not really used to dealing with God (YHVH) and their style was a result of scrambling in the dust of Egypt. How were they supposed to learn?

(5) YOU SHOULD HAVE A TALK WITH YOURSELF. What do I need to think about? What do I need to become sensitive to? How will this all benefit me?

The Amazing Thing: Not That We Are Hard Headed And Know It, But That We Know Our Opposing Neighbor is Hardheaded and WRONG, And We Are Surprised That Our Neighbor Doesn't Know It.

From Gill's Commentary:

..."every man is conceited of himself and his own way, and is not easily persuaded off of it; his sinful ways are agreeable to him promising him pleasure, profit, or honor; and his self-righteous ways suit with the vain opinion he has of himself, whereby he promises himself eternal life and happiness."

In his "to be, or not to be" speech In Hamlet, Shakespeare pondered his fellows. He decided very positively that we are "noble in reason", "infinite in faculty" in "moving how express and apprehension how like a god".

When we are done thumping our chests and realizing, when we become more essentially quiet within, that we truly are in the same boat; that in our calm, we are all in need of grace and the mutual help and assistance of each other. Maybe, like Shakespeare said, we are the "paragon of animals", and hopefully we can also be "the beauty of the world".

A "Hurricane" is a place you can create around all the time; it's just that WHERE it is makes the challenge continuously offputting. It is a state we can attain with consciousness. As we deal with everyone's "Rightness" all about us, the inner challenge is to simply be Silent, Composed and Diplomatic.

Civilization and Diplomacy

What is the Point of this article? That we should acknowledge the mountainous evidence of prideful self proclamation and stop being appalled, outraged and dismayed by the differences that we find on our planet, every day, all day long, and forever and forever through a thousand tomorrows.

Be proud, but stop being outraged that other people are also proud.

If you insist on taking inimical positions against your opponents, at least do not under estimate them. In this world, throughout its history, one of the most common errors is to dismiss your enemy and not respect him, because they are looked down upon. This is the first step to losing out to your enemy. Underneath this simple "strategic advice", I really only have simple advice.

If you pretend to be civilized, be civilized. Within that framework we have these common standards:

1) Diplomacy

2) Politeness

3) Self Restraint

4) Simple Non Responsiveness

5) Respond Through Indirection.

6) Act Like You Don't Care

7) Finally Just Smile.

"Enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-incurred immaturity. Immaturity is the inability to use one's own understanding without the guidance of another. This immaturity is self-incurred if its cause is not lack of understanding, but lack of resolution and courage to use it without the guidance of another. The motto of enlightenment is therefore: Sapere aude! Have courage to use your own understanding!"

(Immanuel Kant - 1784)

Being Right In Our Own Eyes

What Do We Think of our Neighbor?

The Amazing Thing:

Not That We Are Hard Headed And Know It,

But That We Know Our Opposing Neighbor is Hardheaded and WRONG,

And We Are Surprised That Our Neighbor Doesn't Know It.

A Failure to Communicate

With Antoinette at the Highest level, she still failed.
With Antoinette at the Highest level, she still failed.

© 2010 Christofer French


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