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Here's your chance...

Updated on May 12, 2011

Tap out

I keep hearing about how everyone lies and everyone passes judgment, as though this excuses or justifies why we continue to do it or condone it. I am not perfect, but I am extremely uncomfortable with both lying and passing judgment ; mostly because I have learned from experience that whatever I say or do will eventually come back to bite me. I know we are all guilty of lying and passing judgment, I just don’t feel as though doing so is beneficial for me or for those I am lying to or judging, or that because ‘everyone’ is doing it, it makes it okay for me do it as well. There’s a lot of things being done, has been done, that has been overlooked or accepted or looked upon as ‘okay’ because so many others are doing it-this doesn’t mean that we should do it too.

For years, I have been raising my children to be individuals, think independently, and not to follow the ‘crowd’ or do things because they see others are doing it. I have always tried to instill in them the importance of being good human beings, treating others as they would like to be treated, and not allowing the world or those around them, to influence them and how they live or the decisions that they make. Unfortunately, we live in a time where if there is a ‘bandwagon’ to be jumped on, ‘everyone’ seems to be jumping on. It seems very few have the will or restraint to resist what others deem as acceptable or okay, even if we do not agree or even like it. We just find ourselves going along with it, because after all, ‘everyone’ else is doing it.

This goes against everything I have tried to teach my children. Sadly, I am just as guilty of ‘following the crowd’ in certain aspects of my life, as anyone else. Not in all aspects of course, but in some, namely because I believe we all want or need to find others that we can relate to or identify with. Trying to fit in or belong, seems to be one of many things most of us can identify and or relate to. I had always believed that this was just childhood traits and behavior, and that upon reaching adulthood, this would somehow correct itself or right itself, miraculously.

However, I believe that regardless of one’s age, struggling to find one’s self, and where and if we fit in, in this world, or with those around us, has very little to do with age, but with ‘stage.’ Whatever stage of our life, stage of our relationships, stage of mind…we all seem to find ourselves at different stages, and not all of us arrive the same way, via the same route or by the same mode of ‘transportation,’ or at the same time.

Therefore, it is not surprising that so many have so much to say about what others are doing or saying or how they are living or the choices that are being made. It’s kind of, like when I first discovered I was pregnant for the first time, ‘everyone’ seemed to have something to say, everyone had their opinions and ideas about what I should do, and or how it should be done. I had perfect strangers sharing with me their experiences and ‘horror’ stories about pregnancy, labor, and child rearing. I was overwhelmed with just the mere idea of being a parent, and I had not even given birth yet.

People think or believe because they have ‘been there, done that’ they are suddenly ‘experts’ in their field or that they are the ‘final’ word as to how or what should be done. When in truth, just because we have experienced something firsthand does not mean that ‘everyone’ is going to do as we have done, think as we do, believe as we do, react or feel or respond, as we do or may have. Yet, there are those that feel as though if you do not do things the way they feel you should, in the manner that they feel you should, you are, in their opinion, wrong.

Ironic, because it is usually these very people that will not and would not ever allow or condone being told anything by anyone about anything. I say ironic, but is it irony or is it hypocrisy? I ask because it seems hypocritical that the very people that have an opinion about everything and everyone and state their opinions unequivocally, are generally the ones that refuse to listen, to anyone about anything. They believe their way is the only way, and their way is the right way, anything contrary to what they believe, is in their opinion, ‘wrong.’

Are we all guilty of judging, passing judgment, lying…perhaps, to some degree or another? Does this mean we should do it or continue to do it? I hope not, and I will make every effort to try not to. Just as I have continued to do, and have continued and will continue to tell my children, we do not have the right to.

Everyone is entitled to the same rights and rites as we are, and that is their right to live, believe, feel, say, and do, as they so choose. I have never been one that has performed well under pressure, especially when I feel as though I am being weighed, judged, ‘tested,’ measured, and or compared. Chiefly, because I know and have always known, I am not like ‘everyone’ else, I am no better and know no better than anyone else, I only know that I am ‘different’ and that being ‘different’ isn’t always necessarily a bad thing. It isn’t and hasn’t always been a good thing either, but then, that is something ‘different’ all together.

It is our differences that separate us, that set us apart, that make us individuals, and not like ‘everyone’ else, and it is those differences that we should recognize, respect, and embrace, not only our own, but in others as well.

The difference, and this is just my opinion, between a ‘debate’ and an argument is, in a debate, both sides are able and granted the opportunity to speak and offer an alternative to opinions and ideas, other than their own, not to sway or change their opinion, but to educate and inform and display there are other ways in which to do things, other beliefs, ideas, and or opinions. An argument is, or appears to be, an attempt to convince others to believe there is a right and a wrong way, and their way is the right way, and if you do not, cannot, will not, or refuse to, do things in a manner in which they believe you should, you are wrong, and it is their right or ‘job’ to not only tell you so, but to convince you of it. If I have to 'fight' with someone or 'wrestle' with someone over an opinion or idea, I'd rather deal with a 'virtual' chokehold than a 'literal' one, either way, ‘everyone’ should be given the opportunity to ‘tap out.’

 I am at a stage in my life where I am either too old to care or too old to ‘share,’ my opinion is just that, mine; just because I am entitled to it does not and should not mean everyone is entitled to listen to it. Here's your chance to 'tap out.'


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    • raquelpier profile image

      Raquel L Pierson 6 years ago from Lancaster Ca

      Thanks J.S. for taking the time to read and for your comments! Thank you for the share as well! :)

    • J.S.Matthew profile image

      JS Matthew 6 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      What a great Hub! I wrote a Hub about judging people if you are interested:

      I think that we have similar ideas. You write from your heart. Great job here!