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Experiencing Love Through Pain

Updated on January 2, 2013
SaraGardner profile image

Sara lives in Finland creating a new lifestyle after stage 3 cancer, and is now researching alternative approaches to recovery from trauma

Sun Rays Through Forest Trees
Sun Rays Through Forest Trees | Source

Imagine 1,000,000 energy particles, the same particles which make up the entire Universe. The Universe being all that ever is, was and will be……what we sometimes refer to as God.

If these particles are vibrating slowly they don't move so much and therefore their grouping is quite dense. This is the type of grouping which would appear to be solid to us, this is a physical manifestation. When the particles vibrate a little faster their volume expands, they create something less dense, not quite physical but still fairly tangible like an emotion. For example when someone you love dies it literally does feel like your heart breaks.

As the vibrational frequency of the same 1,000,000 energy particles rises the "object" they represent becomes increasingly less dense and therefore more expanded, finer but wider. For example they would manifest as a thought, we can definitely feel a thought but it isn't dense enough to create a physical presence at that level of vibration.

....of course the mind can rationalize fighting (back)
but the heart,
the heart would never understand.
Then you would be divided in yourself,
the heart and the mind
and the war would be inside you.
Dalai Lama

And so on this grouping of 1,000,000 energy particles continues, as its vibrational frequency increases it becomes less dense and therefore it takes up more space, it expands.

So far this example is a very structured, male energy look at the make up of the Universe from the limited confines of my human mind. So lets bring in the feminine aspect: Inhabiting these energy particles is consciousness, the loving flow of the Universal energy which cannot be described adequately in words but which we all recognise in one form or another. This feminine aspect is the creative flow which brings the energy particles to life.

There is no fight between the Masculine and Feminine, they come together in a glorious synergetic dance which in turn creates the beautiful abundance of the Universe, now and forever more in limitless forms. The Masculine and Feminine together give birth to the Child, the manifestation of their union. The creative consciousness lighting the energy particles in whichever particular vibrational frequency they are occupying creates a unique creation, trees, planets, solar systems, anger, sorrow, joy, poems, art, dance, song and all the nameless creations beyond the human mind. These are all Children of the Universe, we are Children of the Universe.

Sunlight Through Frosted Trees
Sunlight Through Frosted Trees | Source

We are all at once, by virtue of our very unique make up, the Mother, Father and Child of the Universe. We are the Holy Trinity!!

My pain showed me the way to this truth. The pain of loss and sorrow in the physical is overwhelming, threatening to crush my chest and leave me in pieces, such is the density of my energy particles in a physical body. Emotionally it is less dense but still sorrow and pain loom over me like an engulfing wave that will swallow me up and wipe me from existence.

But when I am expanded and occupying a higher vibrational state such as I might achieve during quiet reflection or meditation I am able to see the pain as a part of my overall world. When I am expanded, in a higher vibrational state I see further because I occupy a larger area because I am less dense. There is therefore more room in the overall outlook for something other than just my pain and sorrow. I am seeing a bigger picture and within that picture my pain isn't so overwhelming and confusing.

Here is a simple exercise on the physical level to show just how this works.

View From The Window Mairela Retreat
View From The Window Mairela Retreat | Source

Mind Expansion Exercise

Look at an object right in front of you, giving it 100% of your attention, so that it fills your eyes and the whole of your vision.
For example: take a water bottle and put it across your eyes. This bottle represents your trauma and drama clouding your vision and being 100% of all you know in that moment. It represents a life that appears to be 100% trauma and drama.

Then put the bottle down on the table in front of you. Now the bottle is still quite close and taking up a lot of your vision and attention, which equates to your conscious awareness but there is also a little of something else or something more present (for example, the table on which the bottle is sat). You are gaining perspective and the trauma and drama no longer represents 100% of all you know and experience.

Next soften your focus again to take in a little more of the room and the rest of the table etc. The bottle (trauma and drama) still exists exactly the same size as before but its presence in your reality/your world/your life is shrinking, becoming less influential, less important and less able to draw you in. Peace and safety return to your perspective. The bottle (trauma and drama) is no longer the gigantic monster threatening to consume you.

Soften your focus again to take in the window behind the table and the walls to the side. All things are present in your field of focus and you are still aware of the bottle (trauma and drama) but it isn't taking your attention.

In fact nothing is actually taking your attention, everything is just existing there and being noticed by you. This is a beautifully calm and serene place to be.

Keep softening your focus until you are aware of the bottle, table, walls, window and the entire landscape outside all in one expanded and soft observation.

This exercise uses our primary sense of sight (seeing is believing is one of the most powerful and erroneous beliefs in our society) and shows us what is possible to achieve just by doing something as simple as softening our focus.

When doing this exercise there's no need to recognise the correlation between the bottle and your life trauma and drama. If you can that's great but it doesn't matter.

If you want to go further with the expansion exercise then open your ears and nose to the sounds and smells of your environment in the same softly focused way. Just allow sounds and smells to float to you, there is no need to analyse them, you can just let them be present.

Recognise how your mind doesn't need to analyse bird song in order to recognise it as bird song. If a sound arises which isn't recognised, it needn't be analysed, merely noted as an unrecognised sound.

Once you become accustomed to this kind of exercise you can practice it anytime and anywhere.

Sitting at the traffic lights we can still see when they turn green but we can also observe the entire pedestrian scene around the road too. This actually makes us safer drivers because we become more aware of previously unseen hazards.

It also highlights the difference between softening our focus and switching off our brains into zombie mode!

With a softened focus observing all things but not actively zooming in on any one object we actually increase our awareness, heighten our senses and become more alert (alert as in mindful and aware as opposed to, on standby for an imminent disaster!)

If we just zone out so that the object in front of us blurs into insignificance then we have become very unaware!! This is not expansion, this is zombie land! This state will never help anyone redirect or focus their life!!

On A Personal Level

I am always free to slow down my vibration again and completely squeeze myself back into a denser physical body. It's a wonderful way to experience intense pain! Squeeze your boundless consciousness into a very dense state, so dense that it creates a physical form, squeeze it in so tight that you cut yourself off (like the dead leg you get when you momentarily cut off the blood supply) from the rest of your consciousness and so you forget that this physical manifestation isn't all of you, you forget how light and expanded you are free to be as and when you desire.

In this state of dense physicality all you know and remember is a physical presence and this is wonderful for creating experiences of pain and suffering. In this state it appears that when your body begins to fall apart it means that you are literally falling into pieces and it seems inevitable that you will cease to exist when you die. The very thought of ceasing to exist creates an intense unending grief of pain and suffering.

Bee on bi-coloured Poppy Flower
Bee on bi-coloured Poppy Flower | Source

As you can see from the exercise given above there is the possibility to inhabit the physical body but without believing it to be the be all and end all of life itself. When we expand, our physical body doesn't disappear, we still inhabit it, we still have a physical consciousness and presence but we also have a greater consciousness. We are able to remember and recognise that we are more than a grouping of particles, we are more than a consciousness, we are the Child of the Universe, We are an Expression.

We are the expression of life, my cries of pain and sorrow are part of my unique and beautiful song, they are part of my expression of Love. They don't create Love or define it or grow it. There is no need to create or define Love because Love just is. However, I have the beautiful honour and ability to be a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual expression of Love through my very existence in whichever form I choose……and so do You.


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