Christ of Lost and Found: How Losing Faith Led Me Back to Jesus

Getting Personal With Christianity

During a pivotal time in life, I did not believe in God, but desperately desired to believe in something--something bigger than ... well, me! The pivot in my life excluded the Christian God, who seemed too unbelievable--hard time wrapping my mind around that virgin birth.

Needing a change to excite my passions for faith, a glimmer of hope appeared while in high school social studies (or world history). We learned about the Moors, Black Muslims of Northern Africa, and their worship of Allah. Immediately, I decided that Allah did exist, and I would learn as much about Him as possible.

This article is about a journey, a brief look into how by losing Christ, I found Him in a most unlikely place just by being open to the possibility that He was someone I could seek.

Finding Him started by learning about Islam. The Nation of Islam consisted of what I could find on the internet at the school library, not much in the 1990s. My interest had to have been skin-deep seeing that I loved the clothing these people wore--desiring to wear those smart outfits too! I decided to become a Muslim and learn about Malcolm X and the lot.

Doubting the doubts I had about God, I searched Him out in another faith.

We occasionally allow ourselves to become paralyzed by the things that cause us to pause in life. Because I did not want to remain trapped in the quagmire of disbelief, I struck out to find religion again. For me, Islam was safe from the deception of shady clergymen and miraculous virgin births, right? Wouldn't you know that Muslims believe in the Virgin Birth too!

From Islam to a Living Faith

God has a way of leading us to the truths we need exactly when we need them so that we can draw closer to Him, step by step.

If we want to believe in a higher Being but stop at that first threshold, He still honors the spark of belief we have. He blesses us within that small circle of faith and nudges us gently toward something greater. He did that for me—guiding, blessing, and educating me through every stage of my winding way back to Him.

I was open to truth and thirsty for it—ready to accept anything I could learn about God. I was ready for Islam.

I gathered everything I could from the school library computer, then hunted for books that might tell me more. There was no public library nearby that I knew of, and I’m sure there wasn’t a Qur’an on those shelves—but I searched anyway.

Eventually, I found a book I thought was about the Moors. It was sky-blue with clouds across the cover and a golden man blowing a trumpet. The title read The Book of Mormon.

Whatever you, the reader, may have heard about that book, I knew nothing of it then. I honestly thought it contained the teachings of The Great and Honorable Prophet Mohammad. I’d read about “moor-men” somewhere and figured Mormon was simply another name for Black Muslims from North Africa.

I had never heard of a "Mormon" or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My young brain never connected the publisher’s name on the cover with any Christian organization.

So I dove in. I couldn’t stop reading. I was enthralled by the words of these strange prophets whose voices seemed to speak directly to my heart. Before long, I was preaching from its pages to myself—imagining audiences of people listening as I read aloud. That book converted me to Jesus Christ.

It testified of the Virgin Birth, and I believed it. It testified that Jesus was the Son of God, and I accepted it. All my doubts melted away when I discovered a second witness that confirmed the same story the Bible had already told me: that Jesus is the Christ.

I became Christian again. I started going to church, carrying that sky-blue book everywhere I went. I have cherished it ever since, for it reintroduced me to my faith in Christ and deepened my love for the truths in the Bible.

Why Christianity No Longer Seemed Absurd to Me

There was no magical enchantment in that book that made my doubts disappear—no vision from heaven that rewired my mind.

Experience did the real work. It taught me how to overcome doubt and to accept Christ as the Lord I would follow. I had read The Book of Mormon, yet I still didn’t have a personal relationship with God. My prayers were not to Him but at Him—like wishes whispered toward the stars.

That personal connection came later. Through my searching and deciding for myself—through the conclusions I reached from what I had read—I chose to believe the scriptures rather than demand proof for everything.

At first, my dilemma was that I wanted every aspect of Christianity to make perfect, logical sense before I could believe. The solution turned out to be simple: believe first, understand later. It was easier once two different books declared that Christ was Lord—but even that wasn’t the whole answer.

My heart and mind had finally accepted that Jesus Christ really is the Son of God. I learned that the Bible is its own witness of God’s love and doesn’t rely on the character of whoever teaches it—though good character certainly helps. The Book of Mormon became my second witness that Jesus is the Christ, confirming what the Bible had already declared.

Yet in truth, the Qur’an was the quiet forerunner of that conviction; its testimony of the Virgin Birth planted the first seed that softened my heart. Because another faith had honored the miracle of His birth, I was able to recognize the divinity of the Savior when I read The Book of Mormon—and to believe the Bible again. That seed of doubt, once buried under disbelief, had sprouted into faith. The question of His Virgin Birth no longer troubles me; it now strengthens me.

And so, what once seemed absurd began to make perfect sense—not because the facts changed, but because I did.

Learning to Know God for Myself

In my personal walk toward God, knowing that He truly lives didn’t happen overnight. It began when I met missionaries who taught me how to pray—not recite, not perform, but truly speak to God.

Even after discovering that I had His ear and could talk with Him about my doubts, I still wrestled with the Virgin Birth before fully deciding to follow Christ again.

I often wondered if other people struggled with that same hesitation. If they did, I’ve never heard their stories. Christians, I think, should take stock of how our beliefs can sound strange—or even contradictory—to those outside our faith. We should help others understand what we believe without overwhelming them.

Each person must decide for themselves whether they really want to know the truth about God. From there, He works through experience to teach every willing soul. That’s exactly how He worked with me.

God loves all His children. His teachings invite rather than compel. Christ asks us to follow Him; He never drives us ahead of Him.

He waited patiently until I was ready. Then He opened my eyes—just as He will open yours and others who sincerely seek Him.

Every path to God has turning points that only make sense when we look back. Mine wound through doubt, discovery, and two books that bore witness of the same Christ. The journey taught me that God never hides—He waits. I still find Him in new ways each day, and I share these stories more fully in Moroni Saw Me, where faith’s search continues.

Explore More of My Writings

(Doctrinal Studies & Faith Reflections)

Being a Latter-day Saint and Black in America: Episode One
Where faith meets identity. This opening episode explores what it means to live the restored gospel as both a Black man and a Latter-day Saint in modern America.

Adam and Eve: I Lived in Heaven, So Did You!—A Doctrinal Prelude to the Story of Adam and Eve (Episode One)
Before Eden came eternity. The first episode of the Adam & Eve Macro Series examines our premortal life and the divine plan that shaped humanity long before the Garden.

King Benjamin: Ancient American Prophet-King and Righteous Leader (Episode One)
A prophet, a king, and a servant-leader. This introduction to the King Benjamin Series explores his example of faith and leadership in ancient America.

For more personal reflections, read my memoir Moroni Saw Me—a story of loss, faith, and finding God again.