God Shining In His Glory, My heartfelt testimony in time of sadness.
Shine On Lord / On the Canal 8-01-2010
Glory Be to God
I woke with a sadness on my heart. I miss my husband. I quickly turn my thoughts to Christ. I know this situation will work for 'HIS Glory'. Many time's one has to go down hard to move from the situation and get to God. We know, we are very fortunate that no one was maimed or injured because of a stupid, selfish decision to drink and drive.The reason I say we is because it is an illness that wipes out the whole family. Alcoholism is like a tornado that comes in and mows down what is in the path. The family becomes as sick or sicker then the actual alcoholic. Covering up, hiding, enabling. I know so much about the illness coming from the background of alcoholic parents. I have lived it much of my life.
Many of you may know my husband David is spending time in jail for 2 DUI'S. November 05 2010 will be his departure date as stated by the courts. His time was suspended by months because of God moving on he judges heart. David knows and encourages me to share in my stories the battle ground that comes with the illness of alcoholism. If one person is encouraged David says he is grateful. It is not a rare illness. I went to ask Jeeves.com and it seems to be 4 out of 10 ages 16 to 65 are alcoholic. The numbers are on the rise. When I got sober over 22 years ago it was 1 in 10. You see there is an enemy out there. He will use drugs, alcohol whatever to wipe you out. DO not allow it to happen to you.
The hole in my heart ached this morning. I hurt. I am not going to sit here and tell you I was all peachy keen. I was not. God is the hole filler. I know that. God does not want me to be sad or in pain. He weeps, when I weep. I sit up and imagine Jesus sitting next to me. I can feel his tender touch. I cry. I have cried much this week. It is a process. I know in my spirit I need to focus on the promises of Christ. I speak scripture. What always comes to mind is, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' I help others. I do selfless acts to get from my self centered pain. I have come to far and I will stand with Christ. The enemy is not going to knock me around. Jesus is in me, HE is holding me.
I go to hub pages because there are some amazing writers and I know their reads will help to change my thinking. My thinking can keep me stuck in the wilderness. I do not like it. I am grateful for the knowledge. My thinking can be a dangerous neighborhood. I go to my friend Quills page. He wrote a hub on journal writing. It was much deeper then journal writing. it touched my heart. His experience I can use. I do not really do journal writing, per say. I listen to some worship music. My hole is there but I know it is getting filled. I feel I can make a move now. I refuse to give in to the enemy. God has removed fear from finances. This is a miracle since there is no income coming from a 'world business' How God delivers it to me could be a hub in and of itself. His mail system is by far the most amazing I have ever known. He is on time and even early. I am amazed. I smile.
My business in Hair is so slow and the desire of my heart has changed. I have little desire to do hair any longer. I am writing for Christ. The doors for Hair started shutting when the economy started going haywire after 911. Christ moves from our paths what he does not need there any longer. My ministry in Hair is moving from there, to cyberspace. I do not question. I know God knows what he does. Silly me. I may feel lonely but I am never alone. I have a best Friend, husband, boss, savior, guide and more then a girl could ask for, living in me. Moving for me. Yes, FOR ME. For you too, just ask. God says he will lift his 'children' in the later days. He does not lie nor change. I decide to stop thinking.
I take Quills words of wisdom. I grab a notebook, a pencil, water, and my two dogies. I splash cold water on my face, throw on some shorts, grab some food. I feel like I do not know what I am doing. I feel sad. I am taking one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. The dogs are all excited. They know we are headed to the canal. When I put on the leash it is canal time. The puppy now 9 months old pushes on me on to move faster. I laugh. He is so darn cute. I swore to my Abby I would not puppy raise, another one.See what do I know? I think he is here more then he is at her home. My old dog Benji about a whole 8 pounds and 14 years just waits, wagging the tail. Rocco and him start to play. It is like the great uncle playing with the nephew. I cant help but laugh. You know God knows when to send a wink your way.Out the door we go.
I feel the sadness come on. It is hot outside. Soon we will be at the canal and shaded. I start to sing scripture, anything. I do not feel like singing. I do it anyway. The enemy would love it if I wallowed in the pity party. It is no wonder Adam named them dogs, God spelled back words. Mans best Friend. You can be what you want and they will love you.You can look a mess and they do not care. You can be sad and they sit by you. You can sing crazy ,out of pitch, loud songs and they run and play, happy you are now doing better.
In my heart of hearts I know the desire in my heart is Gods desire. We are in times that he needs his 'saints' to share the good news of the Gospel. It is not going to get prettier out there in the 'world ' of things. Children of God will be lifted up to heights that are beyond our imagination. We will be safe. God promises never to leave nor forsake us and to provide our needs and desires. I know all this. I have lived this
.I could sit here and tell you this has been one grand journey. My husband in jail. As much as I wanted him gone, I think I miss him more. I know him. I know he loves the Lord. There is no man that I can think of that has ever loved me more. There is no man in my life that has supported and stood by me more then David. This is truth. I have divorced and dated then dated many a times and years and there is no one that has been sweeter to me then David. The ride started going downhill when I took my 'gain' for granted and when David took his first drink over 4 years ago. His 13 years of sobriety gone. We went on a roller coaster ride and lost it all. I lost David in the process. I lost me in the process. I called on the Savior and HE was waiting. I had to change my life. With or without David I made a decision to love God first and start over.
I could care about the material today. I care about Jesus and serving him. He is the reason I am here. He rescued the sinking ship. SO many do not make it up. SO if you are down rise up to the occasion. God is waiting. DO not wallow in sorrows any longer. It will do nothing for your life, to make it better. In fact it is a tool the enemy will use to take you down. DO not allow it. Please do not.
There is a heaven and a hell. There is good and evil. There is God and Satan. God fought for us and died a horrid death so we could be made righteous in his eyes. We sinners could live and live a life of abundance if we make the choice for Christ. In and out of Davids sobriety he would come back around to Christ. Yet he fell back many times. It took what it took to wake this man to his dying soul. God does not want us to be sad or drunk or angry or hurting. Through my experience woman or men young or old get up and turn to the creator. He is the only way out of this mess in the world. You see the world will not fix you. If you think so, I do not know what window you are looking out of.
SO I make a decision to put one foot in front of the other. I decide not to beat myself up because I did not write a chapter in my novel as planned. I need to take care of me and my fathers business. I need to snap out of this. God gave me a letter. There is one for you too. It is called the, Bible. If you have none it will come to you. Just ask. Reach out. 'Children of God' will be there for you. So in my head I know what I need to do. I do have a few brain cells left kidding.
The Highline Canal is only 100 feet from my back porch. You can walk on the path and follow the canal for miles and miles. It is all shaded with trees, flowers, little Cubby's where one could hide out and write or sleep, day dream, pray or cry. The dogs go in and out of the canal on the hot day. This is their heaven on earth. It is truly a miracle I live here. When we lost our home in BK God had this planned. This is where my writing 'career' started. The seed planted many years ago was buried but when Davids drinking was out of control I took my pen and I could walk for miles sit and write a story. In the middle of the city I have this 'paradise'. It is truly amazing at the beauty all around. We just need to look. Sometimes I am so into my stuff I forget to notice. I do not like that any longer. SO that is telling me the Holy Spirit has been working on my heart. I have changed. I have new glass's. They need cleaning often, but for the grace of God, I can do that. He tells me how. The Lord is so good. I am feeling better.
Do not act on how you feel, give it time because it will change in a moment or a few but the feeling will pass. Everything God tells us in HIS Word is for our benefit, not HIS.He does not need the help we do. You know he says to discipline a child with a rod and they will not do the wrong thing again. He says do not use your hand, The hand is for love and touch. He says walk away when angry and come back to discipline and or talk. Use a paddle and spank the child. Why am I thinking of this. I guess because God has an answer for everything, He must have been so tired after his creation it is no wonder he devoted a day for rest.
I sit in the shade. The dogs run in and out of the water. They give my heart joy. I get my pencil I start to write. I write and write. I do not know what I write. I am taking the advice of my brother Quill. I write whatever comes to mind. I have a few tear drops. I am engaged. I do not know where the dogs went. They will return. They always come to check and make sure I am OK. I hear a few people walk by. It is like an echo. I know they are there but I am in another world. I am in the Spirit. I cry, sing, write. I stand to stretch and do a little dance of praise. My mind is renewed. I feel sanity or peace return. I have more energy. Here come the dogs. Rocco the puppy has weeds and twigs all over him. His leash is dirty. He smells of something rank. I start laughing so hard. I have no clue what he got into. I can not help but laugh. The Spirit was in me. You know the laugh that will not stop. Rocco and Benji just look.They sit and stare at me. It makes me laugh harder. I pet them. Really guys I am OK. Praise God.
I look at the journal 10 pages back and front filled. The dogs and I head home. It is beautiful outside, the cool breeze is blowing on my face. I stop and take a picture of myself by the climb to safety sign. I am so vain. I try to fix my messed hair. Again the laughing starts. It is from deep inside. It is like vent up pain is leaving. I do not analyze. I am having fun. The dogs just look at me. Rocco's ears point straight up He is not sure what to make of me. We walk on. I feel the peace of God. It is like HE is whispering to me. I thank Him. I am so grateful for HIS gifts. I tell him it would take a day on the canal to write them all. I literally feel like I never want to leave this place of inner peace. I look at the time. We have been gone for three hours. I am amazed how the time flew by.
My old guy is getting tired. The puppy has slowed down. I see this part of the canal that looks so beautiful. I walk over. The water reminds me of the living water of Christ Jesus. The green looks like velvet. I feel a warmth on my back and shoulders. The sun is in front of me. I know it is the warmth of Jesus. I feel like he is beside me. I really do. I just had this most glorious walk with Jesus. He knew what I needed. I listened. I stepped out of myself. I am so grateful. We do not have to stay in 'stinking thinking'. I took a picture of an angel on this path last year. Not this spot but close by. The angel was in a tree. I wonder if the same angel is around me. I did not see her until I got home to look at the picture. I have it posted on 'Angels on my path'
The water is flowing like the peace of the river that calms after a storm. I take my camera phone and snap a picture. I move back to get another. I feel like I could run and leap for God. I can not see the picture too well because of the shadows on the canal. All I know know is God is Glory. He is the one and only way to freedom. If we get in pain, he will lift us up and out to healing. If we were never in pain we would not need to call on HIM. One day there will be no more pain, no Dur's, no jail cells, no tears, no illness, no starving. Today God will get us through. Just do not give up or give in. Get up and help God out. DO something for him. Anything. Sing to him, talk to him, smile at someone, give the guy on the corner a ten dollar bill. He will Bless you for trying. Plant seeds. Seeds grow. Your harvest will come.
The temptation is ramped in the 'world' It is easy to get off of course. Faith comes by hearing the word. Keep hearing or start hearing. If you have not asked God into your heart as Lord of your life this is a good time. DO not wait. There may not be time to wait. We do not know about tomorrow.Do not give up before the miracle. Let God in so he can show you what he has for you. Just ask Jesus into your heart, repent of sins and confess with your mouth he is Lord and you will have a ticket to Heaven. If you did this you are; 'Born Again', 'Saved', and a 'Child of God.' Seek someone who knows Christ and hook up. You will be led. They will be so happy for you. The Angels sing for you. Christ is pleased you came to HIM. It is not always easy as I just shared being a believer but we are not alone. I may feel lonely at times but I know where to go. The bar is not the answer. God is the answer. Thats why we are children always learning and growing in Christ. It is a ride you do not want to miss. SO get on aboard if you are not. Do not perish. God has plans for your life.
I get home with my worn out dogs. They crash out on the floor. I sit on the porch and go through my pictures. What? This is not for reels. Yes, it is for reels I was there. The picture above is what I took. It is like God was showing me HIS Glory and shining it on me. It is no wonder I had this tremendous peace. The clouds, well coming home I took another picture, the clouds were so captivating. I did not notice the heart. God is full of surprises. He is amazing and wonderful and glorious. He knows what we need and when. He is everywhere. The heart of love, that would be God. He designed them. He owns it all. He gives us his heart. He lives in our Hearts when we ask HIM..He is alive.I get tears of joy.I am so grateful. What a Glorious day.
The following Day. I have an appointment to visit with David.I pray to be on time. You can not be one minute late for check in. I feel gratitude. I really did not think I would go visit again.The first time, I was all tears. It was hard to face. I was not alone. I realize It could be me behind the cubby hole where I sit and someone comes to visit with me. But for the grace of GOD, go I. I know that God is working on Davids healing and for 'HIS Glory'. David says he is into the Word of God, most of the time. He writes in his journal allot. He tells me writing has helped him look at his issues and cycles. I smile and tel him I know about the journal writing. I have had a bit of practice at it..God is so cool.HM I know David is in the hands of God. God has David covered all is Good.
David told me many were facing time of 15 to 35 years. He said it broke his heart.SO many are 17 or 18 years old.. He said most he had spoke with had no idea of God, nor did they want any idea of God. He said it was a real 'awakening' to what the enemy is trying to do. SO, Children of God this is the time for us to be bold in sharing Christ. Babies are in jails for many years. God so needs HIS children to speak up for Him. May Christ help the lost and open hearts and eyes. Sweet Jesus, I pray many are touched with your love and come to know you.
If you would like to read my stories, "Never Never Give Up' part 1 and part 11, I share the journey that led to the jali. The good news is God is faithful,. "Christ can turn ALL things for the Good for those that love Him" More will be revealed to me. I look forward to a future with Christ. There is no greater joy that I have discovered. It took many years to get here. I am so grateful to be here and not six feet under, to share my path with you. If one can be helped through this story, thank you God. I give him ALL the Glory.I am made righteous in His eyes, I am HIS CHILD. Many that read this belong to the Father. We have an awesome Father. Try Him if you do no tknow Him. You will be Blessed, I promise. Thank you for being here. May the Love of the Father make HIS face to SHINE on you and Bless You, always.
One day I will peek at the journal. I like the 'exercise' It is all good. I plan to do much more 'journal' writing. I thank my brother Quill.
I left you all an awesome 'tune' I believe you will be Blessed.So listen up. I love you.
Jesus Loves you.
copyright Skye Tudae