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How to Remain Calm

Updated on December 10, 2018

How to Remain Calm

Taming an irritable mind will never be the easiest thing to do. Sometimes it my seem as though you are a selfish person, acting as if nothing is ever good enough from an outsiders perspective. Though perhaps it isn't a matter of ego, rather you are simply holding others accountable for the same things that you would for yourself. It's important to note that your intentions are good. You are not a mean and malicious person by nature, however it is also vital to remember not to use holding others accountable as an excuse for anything either.

So we need to ask ourselves something. What is the opposite of calm? That is feelings of anger, upset, or anxiety. While I don't have a cure-all, I work on my temperament every day of my life. It is so easy to complain and see the negative side to things, and it is so incredibly easy to see everything from a black and white objective point of view. This negatively polarized energy is what is most prominently sticking out in your mind because we want some sort of justice for whatever the issue is. But if this is all we focus on, then this is what our reality will be. You cannot feed negativity with a positive and expect it to grow more negative; the negative will only grow more positive and aware.

As an example, say you are a trainer at your job. You are training a new hiree and it is her second day, but they are simply not getting it. You have two options. You could become angry and spiteful with this person for not knowing how to do the job, as they've had plenty of timely and quality training, or you could arouse pity for them. Step outside of yourself for a moment and determine which feelings is more appropriate. While you cannot control your initial feelings and emotions, you surely can control both the following action as well as how you interpret and internalize the situation. This person is being thrown into a completely new environment and is being taught 1000 different things. We cannot expect her to memorize everything that we told her, so it is only fair to focus on continuing to help her learn. All you really can do for people in this lifetime is help them, which you can only do if you have a positive attitude.

We cannot continue living our lives internalizing other peoples actions and words. Your moral compass is your own. Your servitude is your own. What another person does shouldn't be the foundation for our motivation or for our mood. Our energy needs to come from a place where our goal is to find the best outcome for everybody who is involved. Of course, it is not possible for you to go through life unaffected by what anybody else says or does, rather it's about how you allow another persons' critique to take rule over your life.

When we're aggravated with another person, what are we lacking if not control? We always want to be in control. Power is such a huge staple in our society and it forever will be until everybody realizes their own faults and makes a better attempt to have empathy and understanding. All we can do is make our best attempt to catch ourselves and stop in our tracks when we find ourselves ever feeling that another person should do what you want them to simply because you think that's what is correct. Other people need time and patience just like we do at times and even if it isn't a matter of time and instead a matter of being let down, then we still need to correct our perception of reality. Accept the fact that everybody's mind is different from one another. It's not always easy to understand why people do the things they do, though within reason we should always aim our best to do so. Maybe the easy way to life (being passive and angry and living only for yourself) isn't the best life, maybe we're meant to struggle in order to bring others forward, and maybe we are amongst other people because we are supposed to work alongside them with acceptance and tolerance.


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