What I Really Want

I am constantly torn between being the "good girl" that I know I should be and "rebellious girl" that just wants to do whatever she feels like. I am forever trying to please everyone, while never really pleasing myself. Sometimes I feel like a caged animal, not really living.

What I really want for my life is to be a writer, a serious writer. I need to be a writer. I have so much to say, so much I need to get out of my head! I want to help others. I want to entertain others. Life's too short to keep living inside my box.

I want to live a life of freedom, a life of contentment. I want to live the life I want, without having to worry about pleasing anyone, except God and my family. I want to feel fulfilled. I'm tired of smiling and saying everything is fine when I feel like I am dying on the inside.

I have to find a way to live. I have to get out of the box that has become a prison. I have to stop hiding inside myself. I have to start being me and stop pretending for the sake of others.

My day job, oh my day job, I so want to quit my day job! I don't want to spend my time wishing time away anymore. I don't want to spend everyday wishing that it was Friday. I want to be able to get outside of myself and feel like I am doing something productive.

So, I am going to write. I am going to write until I feel empty. I'm going to submit stories, poems, whatever, hoping to get paid for my passion. I'm not going to give up or get distracted by the television. I want to live the life I love and love the life I live.

God is going to be my guide. He and I together can do anything. I just have to begin and keep my trust in Him. Never giving up, never giving in, I will stop listening to the voices of negativity, no matter where they come from.

I'm in control of me!