Internal Lunacy Light

FEELING GUILTY

Do you know that awful feeling you get when you feel guilty?

Do you ever go through that experience of feeling guilty but you haven’t done anything wrong.

What about when you do know that you haven’t done anything wrong but you feel guilty anyway?

And sometimes you feel the same way when you’re planning to do something which you know is wrong or if you are just about to do something which you know you shouldn’t be doing.

Yes, that’s guilt alright. Sometimes, it is even pre-guilt or guilt before you even did something wrong.

And what is guilt? And why do we have it?

Could it be a built-in mechanism within each one of us that advises us that something is wrong or something terribly wrong is about to happen and that it is somewhat like our own an internal warning device?

It could be.

You see to me it is just as annoying and sometimes just as unsuspecting as that pesky MAINTENANCE LIGHT, SERVICE LIGHT, ENGINE LIGHT or whatever else it says on your car dashboard.

We know it’s there for a reason, it’s just that sometimes we are oblivious to it, or we just don’t want to deal with it and worse, we even ignore it altogether.

And we know how that goes when we do.

Our car breaks down when we least expect it and at the worst possible time. And isn’t that how we can describe the story of our lives sometimes.

Check Engine Light On

We know that something bad is going to happen sooner or not later but for some of us, we ignore it over and over and over again. For some of us has made it a lifestyle, even as some people have defined this as lunacy or insanity—as in doing the same (wrong) thing over and over again expecting a different result or something good to happen. (Yes, as in we are all lunatics if you ask me, we just don’t want to admit it to others and to ourselves).

And it happened to me this one time—and I will tell you about it in a minute even if you want to read (hear) it or not.

I was driving across several cities and I was preoccupied about me not getting lost or missing a turn as I don’t want to have to turn back and worse I hate getting lost, let alone asking for directions (I know what you are thinking, a typical loony male).

You see, I have delayed doing this one errand that I had to do, well until the last minute, of course right—you know, doing all sorts of non-essentials, lazing around for days and just putting it off for reasons unknown to anyone, even to myself.

And on the day that I had to do it, I had to use a spare car and I was even more anxious because I know I should have done a more thorough check than just a quick and casual visual one.

But of course, I was running late as usual (lunacy I tell you), I didn’t prepare what I needed beforehand (loony), I had no map, no driving directions, no GPS (talk about lunacy to the max) and had no air-conditioner and it was a hot day (what more can say).

And I was relying on myself to wing it again, as always.

And so there I was, driving past the third or so city and I was about at least three more cities away from my destination, I wasn’t really sure how many more and that is partly why I was all the more uneasy. And I was all that and more when I heard a high pitch warning sound going on and then off, on and then off every mile or so, like it was a fluke or I was imagining it or something.

And I said, what is that?

And after a few more miles, warning lights were flashing on the dashboard, indicating something was terribly wrong and there was indeed something wrong. I had to pull into a gas station which fortunately had a convenience store on one side and providentially had McDonalds on the other.

It was way past noon and as I have mentioned, it was a very hot day, I was panicky and above all I was starving. (If you’d ask my wife, she knows what I could become if I go hungry for a long time—Dr. Banner to the Incredible Hulk, no doubt she’ll tell you).

And so I have tried to calm myself, took a few deep breaths, evaluated the situation, called the towing company, ate a quick meal, and waited for the towing guy to bring me and my car back home.

So there is really nothing like waiting for the last minute to do something that was needed to be done that very moment and ending up not being able to do it and being absolutely powerless to do something about it.

Guilt?

I suppose so, but no, it wasn’t guilt I was feeling at that time, it was both relief that I was at least able to go home safely and disgust over myself because I should have known better, I should have taken the necessary steps and I should done the right things at the right time when I had the time to do it. If you prefer to call that lunacy, be my guest. It is.

Although, I should have called it An Overdue Neglected CHECK ENGINE Light Moment.

We all have those moments.

And we all have our own internal CHECK ENGINE LIGHTS, warning us beforehand if we are just about to go or have entered into dangerous territory by doing the wrong thing or by not doing the right thing that we obviously know we ought to be doing or not doing as the case may be.

It’s like we just want to live on the edge and live dangerous, like we have nine lives or something or that we are supermen and cannot be taken down.

But we all know we aren’t and we still think like that.

Lunacy, I tell you.

So has your own Internal Lunacy Light (I.L.L.), I mean has your own CHECK ENGINE LIGHT been on for some time now?

Why not do something about it right now before it’s too late.

…“open your eyes and turn them from darkness to light.”

(a message by your friendly neighborhood spiderman)

Hub Number: #018

Date: 2010-Apr-17

Next Hub: http://hubpages.com/hub/What-If-Its-God-Speaking