Jesus Give Me Rest

The words, weary and burdened, have been the definition of my existence for the past three years, increasingly so in the past month and a half. I feel as though I am being physically and mentally attacked from every side. I struggle to get out of the bed in the morning and put my feet on the floor.

I want desperately to breathe. I know this probably sounds a little crazy, but I literally feel like I am being smothered. My chest feels weighted with burden, my mind is overwhelmed with stress, and the effects are starting to show, physically and mentally. I am in desperate need of relief, the kind of relief that can only come from God.

I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with the Lord, it could always be better. I pray all the time, I go to church, I worship, I listen to uplifting music; but I feel like a beggar dying of thirst. I can see the water, but I just can't reach it. It's right there, so why can't I just reach out and take it? What is holding me back from receiving the relief that He wants to give me?

Tonight at church, we had an awesome service. I really felt the presence of the Lord, from the moment I walked in the door. During our prayer service, I went to the alter and I just prayed and cried, mostly that God would just give me freedom and peace. I asked for a fresh anointing of the Holy Spirit. I feel broken, tired and weak; all I can do is cry.

I felt better when church was over. I felt a re-charging of my battery, but in the back of my mind tomorrow looms. Somehow I have to get to a place where I can totally let go of my situation, of which I have no control, and give God the reins.

When I got home tonight, I sat down at my desk and flipped the page on my calendar. Today's scripture was Matthew 11:28 - "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I guess you could say I had an "aha moment." It was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me.

Although I feel like I'm struggling, I know that I am developing a stronger and more personal relationship with the Lord through this trial. Maybe that is the whole point of the trial; to break me and to bring me to His side and teach me total dependence. Whatever it is, I will go to Him. I will go to Him everyday, every hour, every minute. I know that when I come out on the other side of this trial, I will be stronger, not only as a Christian, but as a person. God has a plan for me. He isn't finished with me yet.