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Would You Like To Join A Cult?

Updated on October 18, 2009
I found this here:
I found this here:

Joining a cult always seems to be one of those things that sounds a lot better on paper than it is in reality. Sure, there's the bland guitar playing, the endless chanting and the inevitably dramatic tragically premature end to your life that will become part of the cultural consciousness for fifty years or maybe less, but there's the downsides too. Apparently. I can't see any myself.

Joining a cult is an attractive proposition for many reasons.

Cults know how to make you feel special. When you join a cult, you're never just a number. A cult will never ask you to ring them, then keep you on the line for hours at a time telling you that your call is important to them. When you deal with a cult, real people will spend countless hours grooming you before you join and then indoctrinating you once you give yourself over to whatever truth they believe themselves to hold. In real life it's sometimes difficult to know if anyone would notice if you dropped dead in front of them.

  • Cults provide enjoyable communal living. Almost every cult encourages its members to bed down like a pack of sleeping puppies. You won't have been so cuddled since you were a baby. That sort of thing really takes the edge of inevitably having to down a flask of bucolic plague.
  • Cults absolve you of your every day responsibilities and cares. You no longer have to worry about getting the rent money, making sure you get cereal at the supermarket, or having drinks with that tedious Susie and George because Susie is your husband's boss. Instead you are allowed to simply sit back, enjoy borderline starvation which primes your mind for taking in messages on a subconscious level and devote your life to obsessing about just one man or just one end time.
  • People join cults because it's actually sometimes easier to become the mindless slave of a charismatic leader and devote your life to some ideal which makes less coherent sense than 'Supercalafragilisticexpealadocious' than to actually muddle on in the 'real' world in which a large part of the population end up doing tedious jobs in return for the ability to live tediously average lives.

Real life often lacks real purpose, but the life of a cult member is suffused with purpose. One could say that the same is true of any belief system. It is not the belief which is important, rather it is the sense of meaning which following the belief brings. That's why atheists tend to be a miserable bunch of so and so's hopelessly, bitterly searching the galaxy for meaning and endlessly debunking every glimmer of occult hope with science, whereas Christians can quite happily beam at a person and tell them that they're going to hell.

May as well join a cult.


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    • profile image

      Manny aka indrag13 8 years ago

      Hope, yes, the Cult of Personality, right? Actually, I would never belong to an organization who would have someone like me as a member. Religion? There is but only one, the 'Bob', 'Slack' with the Church of the Subgenius! Praise 'Bob'!

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      I don't think that's really cultist, that's just your typical sickeningly hypocritical tribal behavior. Cult people would either indoctrinate you or move miles away from you, because cults don't do things by halves :)

    • profile image

      starfiend 8 years ago

      quote: Christians can quite happily beam at a person and tell them that they're going to hell.

      This is just so true. Just look at the people next door to me! Even christians are cultists too. My favourite is a story my mum told me years ago. She was brought up Welsh Chapel, but later went to CofE and Methodist churches where we grew up. She was a supply teacher in central Liverpool, and one term was sent to a catholic infant school. One of the teachers made a comment about being a good catholic, mum pipes up by saying, 'Don't you mean good christian?' This woman replies, "No, I mean good catholic" and gives mum a dirty look.

      When she's telling us this story later, I says, "shouldn't you have said 'good person', mum starts to give me a dirty look as well, but simply says maybe.

      I'll never forget it, because it showed two different levels of 'cultist' (in your terms) behaviour.