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Lights Are on but No One Is Home

Updated on May 29, 2019
Randy Horizon profile image

Life study of awareness and non-linear patterns of perceptions. Life is what You perceive it to be ...


I am ...

I am is a sliding scale because all say it to mean different things. God says "I am" and the devil says "I am", as does everyone in between. Go beyond the words "I am" and be the one who perceives these words.

The Piranha Question


Who is the one inside myself who is thinking?

Who is the one inside myself who is feeling?

Who is the one inside myself who is meditating?

Who is the one inside myself that says I am?

I ask myself this and look deep to contemplate and I find no one is there. But yet there is something because I am aware and I am asking these things. But there is only emptiness and lucid space. I find I am no one, there is no one here. Only the awareness and it is not my own, but yet it is my true self. I am the awareness of the universe. The deeper and deeper eventually to come to this truth. I cannot even ask how this can be because there is no one to ask, it is just so. I am spacious awareness almost like sky. So ... beautiful, so ... peaceful, nothing to say and no one to say it to. Peace is what I am. Joy is all there is. Nothing really matters because all is so very beautiful. And there is only life, death is not any more real than this body that I call me. Me is only a product of mind and I am not mind, as there is something behind it. There is only awareness, universal awareness. We are all the same and I am so happy to just be. I can live or die it does not matter because this awareness will not change. There is no one here to die, just a figment of imagination that was lost. Oh so lost. Thank god I my way home, but I have always been home. Just had dirt in my eyes and could not see that the illusion is me. To come home you only need to give up trying and let go of it all, as you and I, we are already there. Love to all who read this and all who do not. There is only love left, this awareness is pure love.

Give in to the no one there inside, only thought there was someone. Only love... unity so clear, inside of us all. It is the same, very same nameless no one ... in all. We are the universe. We are pure awareness.


I am ... am is

The same eyes

When I look deep into everyone's eyes I see ... The same eyes that looked back at me from Talon when he was still living in his body. The same eyes that are looking from Mooji when he asks what I am. The same eyes that look at me from my wife when she tells me she loves me. The same eyes that look back at me when I look into the mirror and smile at my own reflection. Behind all eyes is the very same I looking back at me. What a beautiful thing and I am enraptured in pure amazement and joy.


Lighting the fuse of the volcano

Who am I?

This is a question everyone has asked from before the beginning of time. From this question sprouted all of philosophy and all religions. The most profound question there is, who am I and what am I? The answer lies within the question. In other words, asking this question yourself will begin the process of finding the answer. Seek and you shall find.

I call this question lighting the fuse of the volcano because this question will light a fuse within you that will burn away all other questions to bring you to truth. When you find the truth all else will just implode into ash and dust. From these ashes your phoenix will arise bringing you into a new, fresh, spacious and divine self awareness. Divine awareness is already alive with you and everyone, we simply do not notice. Mind and ego distracts us from our true divine nature. No one has to look for god, as god is already living within us all. We simply need to let go of the illusion of individuality to find it. There is nothing special that needs to be done because we already have it within. Anything you want to do is okay, you simply have to remember what you really are. It is really that simple, we all have the tendency to over think everything and this is our distraction. We all celebrate our individuality and that is our illusion. All of this is fine and you will do what ever you want and that is okay, but to find your true selfless self you simply need to let go. If just for a moment let it all go and allow yourself to see. To really see, with nothing else attached to this seeing. For just this moment let go of all your preconceived ideas about yourself and the world. Let go of all your beliefs, if you can. For just this moment simply just be here now and let all else go. For just a moment follow along with this line of questions and ask them of yourself with open mind and open heart...

Who am I? What is the I am?

Am I the person that I see in the mirror? Am I this body that answers to my name? Most people realize that there is more than the body, there is also mind and it can ask these questions. So there is something more than the body.

Am I the mind that resides in this body and watches life go by? But there is something behind this mind that watches mind also.

Am I this self who watches this mind? If I can watch this mind then I must be more than just mind because I also can feel and feeling seems deeper than thought.

Am I the feeling that feels the thoughts my mind thinks? But still there is something deeper than feelings that feel the thoughts that mind thinks.

Who is the watcher of these feelings. I must be something deeper than even this one who watches feelings because I can step back and see there is a watcher of all of this.

Am I the watcher of the watcher of feelings, mind and body? But I must be something deeper than even this because I can step back and watch this self.

Now I've come to a sort of gap between the watcher and the one that I thought I was, but still I can see even this and I am still aware. One the one side of this gap is concept and the world on the other is still awareness and still I am.

Am I this I am that is on the other side of the gap of concept. There is now an empty calm stillness that is alive and aware and still I am. Am I this? Still I am watching this and this can go on forever so there must be something more.

Now we have come to a point where all that we knew and know are split off from this feeling of I am and still I can see and watch this, so I must be even something more.

Asking and contemplating these questions are burning away all that I knew and there is nothing left and yet still I am. Still I am aware. All that is left is infinity.

Now I have come face to face with infinity and there are no longer any concepts here all is one and the same and still I am aware that I am.

At this point you are still able to watch your watcher and there is nothing else. There is no one here, just pure awareness and still you feel that I am.

There is no conceptual answer to this question, who am I. Who you are is the same one that I and everyone is. We are all pure divine awareness. The final answer is that there is no answer that we can think, as we are now beyond mind and concept. Still we are aware that I am. The only thing we can say is that we are the infinite awareness of the universe and that is way beyond the words we are using.

I am is all that exists and it is unchanging and always alive. I am cannot die, it is life itself. Reaching this point we are no longer an individual, no longer a person. We have found truth that is beyond the words to speak it. You may find that the question is more important than any answer we can come up with. This question, who am I will bring you to the truth in the fastest way possible. If you are ready to surrender to it? If not, that's okay too. If you follow any of this you will now understand why they say Christ died and came back to life. You will now understand why Padma Sambhava claimed he was lotus born, you will now understand all religion and systems of magic. All of it is about this very thing, who we really are. Our life is our dream, our individuality is our dream. The only thing that is real is what does not change and die. That only leaves us with I. And this I is in everyone.

One of my good friends died two days ago and I write this for him... His name was John and now he is nameless once again. All of us were I am before we were given our names by our parents and we all go back to being the nameless I am at the end of our dream of life.


Truth has always been there

The notion of following this line of questioning first came upon me when reading a Terma that was hidden by Padma Sambhava the lotus born, but I did not understand. I knew he was onto something, but could not get it. Then I found Mooji who is living now and he gave me the question until it bore fruit and helped me find a way home. I am still seeking, but now understand why Padma Sambhava took the name of the lotus born. Because he asked the same questions and when he found his answers gave up his personality and found self realization by sitting in lotus position meditating. Same reason Mooji changed his name from Tony Moo to Mooji when he gave up his personality to arrive at divine awareness. The same reason Jesus became Christ and rose from the dead. All religions are telling the same story in their own way. I have obviously not yet reached that level, but have found a way and am on my way. You don't need to follow anyone, find truth inside yourself because that is where it lives. And when you find it, you will have the answers to all of your questions. This question, "who am I" will burn away all other questions as your inner probing burns with the heat of introspection. If it does not than it may be because you searching with only your mind. Search with your heart and with no mind and you will find that "I am" is really your limitless divine I, without any conditions or concepts attached.

Pure awareness is beyond concept and so beyond description. It is both nothing and something at the same time, and this we call divine. Awareness just is. We don't have to look outside ourselves for it because it is within, as it is what we are. No one has to do any special thing to become self realized, but realize that we already are this. We simply have to let go. Not stop our thoughts, just let them go by. Thoughts and feelings will come and go again naturally. They arise and we just notice them and let them go by and they dissipate or as Padma called it they liberate themselves on their own, as we also do. Meditation is great and very relaxing, but its not really needed for this. Just ask yourself who am I? Then follow it through with open mind and open heart.

Divine awareness is dreaming and we are this dream, simply awaken and remember who I is. Become lucid in this dream, while continuing in the dream. You are already what you seek, pure joy, peace and love ... awareness. Become self aware of the true self, you are the universe, you are divine god. Simply let go of the attachments to all the distractions and just let them be as they be and you will also be. Another way of saying be here now. You already are. We all have the tendency to over think everything and that's okay, just don't be trapped by those thoughts. Let them just go by, don't grab a hold of them. Its the caterpillar slowly transforming into the butterfly, it happens naturally in time. This life is our human larva stage in our transformation into divine awareness.

Nothing can distract you from truth unless you allow it to. It's all depending on your level of interest and your intentions. Expect nothing and nothing can hold you and define you into a small box of concepts. It's all so simple, but we stand in our own way and become distracted. Live life to its fullest in the way you enjoy, just don't cling and become trapped. All comes and goes and this is good, in the end we do also. There is something more and it is alive and well inside of you and me. With all of my love I give you this question, who am I? Do with it as you will, we are one and the same ... love.

© 2015 Randy Horizon


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