My Faith: Between Dreams, Determination and Tears

Assalammu Alaikum.Wr. Wb

Hi, how are you?

It's been a little while I didn't write Islamic theme. It is not because I don't have a subject in my head, but in the contrary, I have one hanging in my head but it is too hard to explain to others in a simple way even in my heart I understand perfectly. But let me try and we'll see how far we can go from there.

We are all today live in a modern civilization where everything being count by our logic & education, and everything about the world being materialized into something you can see, not something without form. It was different before when life is more simple, and human thought mostly driven by basic motives, to live a cozy life. Human today of course after that too. But Cozy no longer become the ultimate goal. Human drive turned into something more challenging when life and survival become part of a game, no longer of a natural need.

Satisfaction will be gain by conquering the beast. But beast today no longer similar with the beast from the dark forests, but all the world and everything inside it! Human today dream about put the world under his feet and willing to do anything necessary to fulfill that.

While ago I'm part of that kind of life. I ran here and there, try to collect all I could have to win the world unless the world that I want. Richness, Proud, Pride, and Beauty become my goal in my effort to gain the world under my feed. Satisfaction comes from others acknowledge and honor. Clueless, I'm drawn myself into the world of ungrateful people.

But I'm so lucky because Allah still loves me. He gave me probation that turned around the whole world of mine and showed me the real face of the things that I'm after before, and I'm shiver!

I look on myself, wear a mini skirt, so proud of my beautiful legs and displayed it to others eyes, but then getting angry when men make a move on me in dirty ways. Why displayed myself to those people if I didn't want to be seduced? They are not honorable people and I should not show my precious belonging to the scumbags like that! Masya Allah!

I look again and my head spinning to see myself sitting in the cafe with my friends when Adzan for Maghrib praying being sung to the open air, loudly. I'm not even had a thought to stopped the chit and chat and listened, when Allah, through his loyal ummah, called me to meet him in private. Who I'm so brave denied the called? Astaghfirullah al azhiem!

I take a peek again and my tears falling when I see myself buys so many unnecessary things, while near me there so many people did not have enough money to buy a food for filled their empty stomach. Why I'm so blind thought that, these people's life had nothing to do with me, when I might someday by some unfortunate event possibly end like them! Ya Rabb, please help us all!

I was blind to this world and I'm not alone. Almost all of the people around me having the same problems and do not realize it. We are all blind to the world like we never had another thing at all then this world. We turned the world into our God!

"World, serve people who become my servant and slave those who become yours (and forget about me)!" (Hadidth Qudsy: Al-Qudha)

Rasullulah told this what Allah ordered to the world to do, and judging from my behavior before, I knew perfectly that I already become a slave of the world almost all my entire life! Audzublillahi minzalliq!

Once before, one of our prophet, Daud, As had a desire to have wealth because being poor made him became the sources of laughed by his wife's family and they didn't respect him at all. This desire is natural things for a human being, but when he asked his wishes to Allah, Allah answered him with this:

"Daud (David), (if you only knew) what is the comparison of the world. It's like carcass which dogs gathers around it and dragging it everywhere. Do you like to be a dog and follow them to dragging carcass to everywhere?" (Hadidth Qudsy: Madani)

In Allah sight, the world is disgusting, which only dogs who want it, but in this disgusting world where we live, it becomes the only thing we ever believe. The reality is sucks!

Without have to acknowledge Allah, we still can feel and see how disgusting this world is, but we keep hang on it, because it is the only reality we have, the only life we knew, because realize it or not, deep inside our rotten mind we must have a thought about how unreality Allah is because we cannot see Him, and His Paradise just like some too beautiful tale while His hell just like a nightmare. He is not real because we never see his form! it is an ultimate prove about how low and materialistic our minds are.

I know many of you must be shaking your head right now and disagree with me but give me chance to show you my point and you will see what I'm talking about.

We said we are Muslim. Believe In Allah, His Messenger and the end of the day. But truly most of the time, our behavior showed a different way of thought!

You said:

"There is No other God than Allah!"

If it is true:

why you work like crazy and delayed your Sholat many times when Allah called you just because you are in the middle of something important? who is your God then, Allah or your work?

Why did you think about your beautiful wife when you raised your hands and said "allahu Akbar!" in your prayer? Who is your God then, Allah or your desire of woman?

Why you abandon your Jumaah because you just have a limited time to do something that you think really important and can cost your world in extent? Who is your God then, Allah or the world?

Why you hesitated to follow Al Qur'an way of life and said that not applicable anymore to the modern civilization while Allah already told us that Al Qur'an is His guide to us for a life time. Who is your God then, Allah or your own logic?

The list can go on and on and on and on, but it will not works if you can see the point of it. But if you can see it, now, tell me, who is your God? Allah, arrahman-arrahim, the creator of all the world and everything around it, or this entire world which just like carcass under dogs mouth?

To be continued...

Sources :
Agus Mustofa, Syahadat Dalam Rahim (Syahadah inside womb of the mother)
Zaini Ali Akbar, 3T, Taubat, Tasbih, Tahajud