My Testimony: My 20 Year Walk

Before I start, I want to give a special thanks to my friends Albert, Darionel (Devoted To Yah Ministries), Jordan, Sandra, Sean, and Michael. They have helped me through my spiritual walk and I would not be where I am today if not for them. I thank the Almighty one that I am so blessed to have them.

Welcome. Today I will be giving my testimony. I am going to write out my entire twenty-year spiritual experience from when I was younger up until now. I want to express myself more and really touch on how I feel, so it's not going to be in my typical formal fashion. With that being said, let's get to it.

I grew up in a non-denominational household with my Mom, Dad, and two sisters, although the churches we attended were Protestant we never really cared. I just know we never went to an Orthodox or Catholic church. I was baptized as a baby and was brought to church every Sunday. Growing up, I didn't know too much about the Bible. All I knew was what I was told. I only really knew about Genesis, the Exodus, 10 Commandments, Joshua, Samson, David and Goliath, and the New Testament. Those were the only things I really paid much attention to is that I was given what I called a sugarcoated version of the Bible. I was even put in a Christian school when I was 4 and left there at 5 due to an argument between my mother and my teacher.

My parents were always talking about the scriptures. My childhood was surrounded by religious paraphernalia. Crosses, paintings, toys, everything. They had me watching Bibleman (the old series not the newer one), Joel Olsteen, Joseph Prince, basically anyone you see on TV. It was basically the typical feel-good prosperity gospel type. They had tons of tapes and books ready for me once I got older, hoping one day I became a pastor. One thing did happen; I do teach the Almighty's scriptures. But it wasn't the way they expected, but I'll touch on that later on.

All of this stayed the same until my parent's separated when I was 9 years old. She took me and my sisters to South Carolina. My father was the one who brought us to church most of the time. Although my mother was religious, I don't remember going to church in the 9 months we stayed there. After they got back together things got back to the way they used to be. Prosperity gospels, old-fashioned hymnals, and I were taught the exact same doctrines over and over again. Nothing new ever came. Although I have always been sexually curious, around 11 years old was when it really developed, and up to around when I was 17 or 19 I had already had four relationships that were broken, I had done sexual activities that I do not want to mention with others (though none of them vaginal penetration and I never did it with someone else during a relationship unless you count watching pornography), and I still struggle with these thoughts today although I will admit that I am keeping track of it using RTRIBE (an addiction progress tracking app) and I have improved although I think the 418 day victory mark on my account is given that sometimes I focused on the temptation and I did become triggered when viewing certain things on the internet outside of porn sites, but I'd say it has still been a year.

I want to say I was about 14 years old when I became more aware of my beliefs. I had actually started paying more attention. And for a while, I was doubtful. Not only did I doubt the existence of the Almighty, but I was also increasingly interested in other religions and philosophies. I looked into Buddhism and spiritualism. When religion was not doing it for me I even considered LaVeyan Satanism (I am aware that they do not believe in God but back then I did not know this). Throughout all this, I still believed in the Bible, but it was a very weak faith.

Around age 15 was when I started accepting what I believed the truth for myself. My parents no longer had to make me listen to those preachers. I chose on my own. But I had a false sense of being "on fire for God". I still had a lot to learn. And even then with that false sense of security, I was still very rebellious. I had suffered from a few major addictions for years before then; video games, caffeine, and pornography. Those don't seem like addictive things but trust me they are. I suggest you research it. I kept doing these things and acted as if I was sorry and wanted forgiveness. But truthfully I didn't think I was. And besides that, I was still just letting the same stuff be taught to me, like "Give 10% and God will bless you." I was told that people like Joel Olsteen were false and I just believed it rather than truly see the evidence as to why he is false. I even became a Juggalo at one point(a fan of artists from Psychopathic Records), and this only got stronger once I figured out that the Insane Clown Posse claimed to be Christians all along (strong language and themes are discussed in that interview). Looking back on that it's no wonder they called their music the "wicked s&*t".

When I was 17 my sisters were already out of the house. My parents lost our house so we had to move in with my grandparents. They believed the exact same stuff but like times a thousand. My grandmother has hundreds of books and media from Joel Osteen, John Hagee, T.D Jakes, Mike Murdock, you name it. But by this time I got to questioning my beliefs again. That's when I finally realized that the prosperity gospel is wrong and that all of those people were nothing but money grabbing charlatans. But I wasn't about to say that out loud and risk being kicked out. So I opened up a Facebook group. "The Church of Jesus Christ," I believe the name was. By August 2015 (I was 18) I had over 100 people listening to me. I even convinced my then agnostic girlfriend to become a Christian. And I was welcome in my grandmother's church. It was a dream come true.

Then I ran across some videos on YouTube by a Black Hebrew Israelite. We'll just call him Ryan as I have heard that he is no longer a Hebrew Israelite and doesn't want people to use his chosen Hebrew name or to talk about him. Ryan was like the majority of Hebrew Israelites; believed the 12 Tribe chart, followed the Mosaic law, called white people Edomites, and he believed that at the end of the world a black Messiah was going to establish 144,000 blacks, Hispanics, and Native Americans as rulers and everyone else was going to be their slaves. The only difference being he was willing to accept converts who were not any of those, and said they would be treated right. I see a video of his where he says that the verses in the New Testament that supposedly say we can eat unclean meat are misinterpreted, to which I then call him out. I claim that all he did was quote the Old Testament (which goes to show how much I know since he only quoted Matthew, Colossians, and Isaiah). We get in an argument, but I made peace with him. Then he fully convinces me of his beliefs. He was saying things I never heard of before. And despite the many false doctrines he taught, he did make some solid points.

I want my identity to remain anonymous, so I will simply say I have some ancestry (not full but partly) from the groups he listed as the 12 Tribes. And even if I didn't he assured me that I was stillsaved, but as a slave. The Church of Jesus Christ was now called The Church of Yahausha (Ryan called Jesus by the name Yahawashi but I misunderstood him). I had over a hundred people every week listening to me preach this. And they bought it, although my girlfriend was hesitant. She and I didn't talk too much about our beliefs. She was a Methodist. Towards the end of our relationship she said, "I'm not going to change my beliefs." I accepted her stance. For the next one and a half years I was all over the internet preaching this gospel. I even had some articles about it on here, but I deleted them as well as all comments by me or others related to it since that is not who I am anymore, nor do I want others thinking so. Those friends I mentioned above tried to tell me. "Dude that's racism," I remember one of them saying to me. But I didn't want to listen. As much as we agreed on the Mosaic law, I hated them for it." They're racist," I thought to myself. So I cut them out of my life for a long time.

This was what I was talking about earlier when I said my parents did not expect me to do this. I told my Dad everything about the Hebrew Israelites. According to the ones I learned from, ancestry to the 12 Tribes can only come from the father. And since I assumed I was of the 12 Tribes I wanted him to believe he was too. But he wasn't having it. My grandmother is a big supporter of the modern state of Israel. And he wasn't about to give up eating pork and shrimp. But still to this day he respects my beliefs and helps me find Torah based foods for myself.

In September of 2016 I broke up with my girlfriend. We split up and haven't talked in almost a year. A few months later we did make peace with one another and left cordially. She let me keep a few of her things that I liked. I had to send it by package so she just asked for the things she really wanted back. I was learning from the Hebrew Israelite camps not as an official member but as a fan. But breaking up with her made me feel very depressed. I ended up deleting my church group without so much as a goodbye to any of my members. I had also become increasingly more xenophobic to anyone who was not black, Hipanic, or Native American. I even put my artist skills into making a small paper mache mountain and I sat a "Black Jesus" figure I made on top. I was going to make a miniature model of Jerusalem's gates surrounding him as well as a Hispanic and Native American figure to stand beside him all while tiny figurines worshiped them. Thankfully I never found the materials to finish it. This train of false gospels and hate kept going on and on until one day I found the truth behind one of their major deceptions. Some of my Hebrew Israelite friends were saying, "Esau is not the so called white man. Leave that camp doctrine alone." I was hesitant to believe that, but this was when I really started to question things. If Esau married women of color, how does that mean all of his kids were white? And the next few months was spent destroying that false doctrine. Click here for info on that.

January 2017. I wake up one morning to see a video recommendation. A Jewish man was attempting to debunk the Hebrew Israelites. As always I was first to attack him, but what he said made sense. He explained how their doctrines have led to some misunderstandings of the verses, and he even explained how the Deuteronomy 28 curses don't apply to them. Once again my blindness to the scriptures and gullible mind was shown the truth. The Hebrew Israelites are false as well. For almost two years I had spread a doctrine that has made people feel cut off from the Almighty simply because of the color of their skin or their ancestry. And that was when I felt that was the Holy Spirit was true with me. I left all my Hebrew Israelite friends behind and I got back together with my old friends. I was scared that they would not accept me, but they took me right back in. One night I went outside with the Black Jesus idol and every note my ex-girlfriend had written me plus the things she did not want. I stacked it in a pile and burnt it all to ashes. Not only did I follow a cult, but I was also in a relationship that was leading me astray. This was when my new life began.

By this point, I was very hesitant to accept any new doctrines. But I was also very questioning. Who are the real 12 Tribes? Should I follow the Mosaic law? What do I do? I put my trust in the Almighty and decided to study to show myself approved rather than let people tell me what to believe and I just take it. Now I sit at this computer desk hoping to help others who know what this is like and to lead them on the right path. What do I believe now? What denomination am I? I am for the Almighty. I am a Torah keeper who believes in the Savior, and I will preach this truth to everyone regardless of skin color or ancestry. Pornography and video game addiction are behind me. I am doing better on not drinking as many sodas, and I now know that reading the word of the Almighty requires us to do research and learn for ourselves, not just listen to others. Even the prophets had to be taught the scriptures.

I thank you all for reading this and I pray that you and I will find our way. Peace and blessings, and all praises to the Most High.

Please read here for more information on how I have changed my ways from being a pervert to a righteous man. I Never Want To Go Back To The Person I Used To Be

I am sorry for my absence. After I left the Hebrew Israelites, a friend I should take some time off of teaching and more on learning. I am preparing to do a full on study of the Mosaic law, as well as the stories and prophecies in Genesis to Deuteronomy. But you can expect a new article on Halloween and Christmas when the time for each of those days comes closer. I'll be tackling whether we should celebrate them or not in an in-depth article (the short answer is no). I'll still be available to answer questions, comment, and interact with you so please feel free to contact me whenever you want to.