She's Dreaming Again
Running From Hollywood??!!
This hub has many overlapping thoughts and emotions, what I call rotes to unfold, as in sequential type of unraveling the layers of an onion.
First I'm all a-twitter because I got this message upon awaking this morn, I hope to tie it into this rambling discourse somehow...here it is: "you have all knowledge available to you, only it must be dispersed in daily-size increments.
Briefly, a little tiny background about me: ever since reading A Course In Miracles (ACIM) along with Eckhart Tolle and Gary Renard's stuff, I am thrust into an eternal now moment where past and future means nothing. I am so comfy there I am often the target of the labeling crew; IE: those who label people as fluff heads. I am so in the comfort zone however, that I am like the Laughing Buddha. It has nothing to do with laughing all the way to the bank, however, money is not everything you know!
I think health is way ahead of money. Can't make money if you don't have your health you know.
Onto the dreams, but first a real circumstance I confess to. I am a karaoke enthusiast today, however, there was a time I had big dreams of making it, having a number one song hit perhaps. When I was 19, I married someone who crimped my style. I felt trapped in the marriage as I had taken a wedding vow and consider vows are important to keep.
He wanted children and a stable type of family life. Simply put, I was not in love. I had married, I think for an experimentation, and it was fun to explore my sexuality with this one person. I remember once I was fleeing from the marriage, and my husband took the distributor cap off my 1957 Plymouth to keep me at home. We woke up the entire apartment complex that night as I ran screaming down the stairs with him in hot pursuit. Ah, yes, those were the days!
I worked in a drycleaning establishment for one of my first jobs. Whenever I was sent to the basement to fold clothes, there was just myself down there and I would burst into song. Laughing now at my first masterpiece as I thought of it. Here's a few lyrics.
"Blues, you been a real good teacher, you stuck around, 'til I was down, you taught me how to cry. Blues, now I've got my schoolin' tell me how have I been doin' now that I know how to cry."
Wrote the whole thing in the laundry room. The coworkers and boss never said a thing about my singing down there, thank god!
So one day, while feeling especially crimped by hubby's concerns, when he went to work, I drove to Hollywood! Ha!! I'd found an ad in the newspaper "New Talent Wanted. Get your start here!" So off I go to become a star. I remember it took several hours to get there and I still don't know how I managed to take all the right exits off of all those freeways.
Turned out there was only 2 people in the office, a guy who looked like a big tycoon to me, and his tech helper. My eyes popped out of my head to see wall to wall, clear up to the ceiling, sound equipment on all four sides of the room he took me into. The tech guy put some headphones on my ears and told me to sing, while he would record it.
I sang some popular tune, can't remember now what it was. He said do you have another song you can sing? He didn't seem pleased with my first rendition of whatever. So I sang Blues you've been a real good teacher for him.
He came out from his sound booth applauding my efforts and had me listen to myself over these massive speakers. He was much more pleased with my original than the other tune I'd done. Then he made the remark that I was a 40's throwback singer. Since we were now in the 60's, I took the remark to mean I was not star material. At 19, we don't know who the heck we are. I took his word for it and started to get depressed.
I was ready for the long drive home when the big guy wanted to have a chat with me. As it turned out, they wanted me to take singing lessons and pay a weekly fee to be one of their groomed artists. I might have considered it, but a 2 hr drive regularly, I knew I would not be groomed up in that case.
However, I sat there anyway and let my dream die around me in pieces for a moment, slowly beginning to realize I was in the wrong place because desperation had driven me here. I felt trapped in a bad marriage and I wasn't trapped really. Yet Spirit wanted me there that day. This I figured out later.
As the man began his usual sales pitch, I realized he'd made this pitch before to others; this was how he made his living, and he was having a hard time letting me down gently that I just wasn't good enough star material. So I broke into his speech, stuttering something about my emotions, that I loved to sing...yada yada and so forth. His eyes got spacey and he said something I was to remember the rest of my life. He dropped a bomb on me in other words and I saw Spirit was using him this day.
He said something about that he understood. That the love inside an artist needs expression. I know this sounds simple, but at the time he was blowing my mind with that statement. My attention suddenly made my eyes seem to grow twice as large as before. The guy glanced over at me during his spiel, and an electric charge seemed to grab him as his eyes got larger also and one of those pregnant silences filled the room. He caught his breath for a second and seemed out of joint and started fumbling for the rest of his thought. We had made soul to soul contact somehow. Spirit to spirit perhaps. The essence of real communication induced by the sound of truthful soothsaying.
For though I was sent home, he had set my course truly, as I felt this huge peacefulness come over me, that no matter what I did in life, whether I sang or not, I was to do everything I did with love. I was to do my best, in whatever circumstance I found myself, then I would be a star to myself whether I became actualized or not as a star did not matter anymore.
I moved to leave and he asked me would I return? I told him honestly I couldn't afford the program and lived too far away as well. If he was disappointed he didn't show it. I didn't mention Spirit had used him because I didn't have words for it, but I hoped he could sense my gratitude underneath my quiet demeanor.
My marriage ended shortly after this visit as I learned whatever is trapped can also get itself untrapped declaring a vow null and void due to hormone impulses and the youthful grasping for security rather than common sense.
The reason for all this blathering about Hollywood, is because last night a male guide said he was taking me to Hollywood and I had mixed feelings about his remark, and now I know he did just that. Because I am here today writing about my trip to Hollywood. That is what he meant. I am flabbergasted with my dreams again and the unfailing reservoir of things to write about, for one that loves to write.
The rest of the dream: I was taking care of someone's farm animals temporarily while they vacationed. This interprets as a message to me, that the farm is my own physical location. I will not be here the whole of my life, is the inference.
That's good to know. I used to have a farm and I'd return to it in a heartbeat to be amongst all the animals. To me farming = getting back to basics of life. Producing food is what keeps the population alive. You can't eat money. Get the idea?
Then, a group of people arrived, which I considered might refer to new friends I have met here at HubPages. I already feel at home here, in other words, although it's just the internet. It has meaning. The group all come in a good mood and we all begin talking. That's when the male friend drops the word Hollywood on me. End of this sequence of the dream and snap to another sequence: whenever you're dreaming and another quite different dream begins, you have blinked out and the mind switches to a connected set of symbols to explain the facets of our natures to either be driven by fear, or to be motivated by love.
I was now to view my fears. I was with the former group that I'd met in the farmhouse, perhaps a dozen people were shown sitting by the side of the road, in the dirt, but this is not negative, although it appeared we were homeless, we were like the happy homeless. The road signifies, possibly the highways of the internet.
A tall building was across the highway. In the building were like terrorists, a small group of about 4 men were seen in the window to address us in the road. One of them would be sent in a helicopter with a rifle to pick off at random several of us on the highway. They addressed us through a loudspeaker their plans, almost like they were giving us a chance to run first. We all were huddled there like sitting ducks out in the open. I mumbled something to the effect to those in my immediate vicinity that we should scatter right about now so we weren't such good targets, sitting there all together like that.
I then took off running for my life for all I was worth, as I leaped over fences, walls, yards running not a straight line, but in parallel fashion to confuse a shooter should I be pursued. I accidently? landed in a yard where a sleeping guard dog was in his dog house, and I scurried back over the fence before the dog awoke to bite me.
Just then another male guide steps in to inform me I can stop running, I am safe, it's just a dream after all. Whew. That was nice! All this symbolizes a fear thought, I think, of being a star, because I believe that each person is a star, in my heart of hearts, but some of us just need to develop our potential by living our natural lives, in whatever capacity or field which interests us. Somewhere inside of me, I had a fear that being a star would separate me from the common people whom I want to stay with, I feared some sort of alienation of their affections.
I want to just be one of the guys. I find the fear thought and unravel it now. If love is all there is that's real, then there's love at the top, and at the bottom and in between. Because love is all I wish to see, and because I believe we all are love in essence when stripped of all ambitions, competitive factors, personalities, illusions, fears, and attachments. I truly believe there is no bad, there is no good. I'm less confused, if I just look around at humanity and observe everything without choosing up sides to be on.
There is only this love. So what I think happens with those who become well known in their field, or star players so to speak, I think they know this already; well, let me qualify, to say some of the famous are famous because of their love for humanity.
They are just doing what they love because it comes naturally to them and by so doing they manage to pull out the awareness of love's presence among everyone they come in contact within their circle, and this love expands into the world, and they do not always get "shot down" because of expressing love. And yes, I have had an experience whereby I thought I was shot down for expressing love. I felt run off a forum home because I expressed love. I felt shot down. Wow. Bloody hell! ha! Another revelation to sort through. Breath. I know I cannot be victimized in truth unless I let that happen by allowing it.
What I see on HubPages, I haven't seen before that much on the internet. I see a harvest taking place here; a harvest of love. It's a feeling. I like it. The fruits of our labors are right here. Then we create a heaven on earth and terrorists have a real hard time randomly shooting down people because the terrorists are made to become aware of love also, even against their wishes because love is the strongest force on Earth and in the heavens. Love is God, and we only do this love thing together and we do it even with the enemy turning the enemy into a friend.
I guess I am a fluffy person after all. Love to all, thanks for the read.