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'Twas The Night Before Halloween

Updated on October 26, 2015
In the details...
In the details...


The following is fiction, based upon traditional yuletide prose, intended for Halloween chills, and readings on other unholy nights. The author recommends it not be read to young children and sternly disavows any personal kinship with Lucifer, the dark-lord. Although, once we did have coffee in a London tea house, where the schmuck stiffed me with the cheque.

the night before Halloween,

And all throughout HELL

All the demons were dreaming

Of the night HEAVEN fell.

All the crosses were hung

Upside down for bad luck,

In hopes that St. Peter'd, soon

Wallow in muck.

THE sinners were burning,

In the river of Styx,

While visions of Hades, danced

‘Pon candlewicks.

And the lieutenants of hell

All awaited the nod,

For setting in motion

The rebellion ‘gainst God.

WHEN up from the fires,

There rose such a beast:

He sprang forth with horns,

Serpents tail and rams fleece!!!

Away to the heavens

He flew with his flame, he

Kicked in the Gates, and then

Threw back God's name .

AND what to God's terrified eyes had appeared?

But a chorus of demons, and

More than He'd feared!

With a satanic leader, so

Evil and grim,

God knew in a moment, it

Must be ‘St. Sin'.

MORE rapid than lightening, the

Demons, they came,

And screaming messianicly, St. Sin

Called them by name:

"On Lucifer! On Satan!

On Balbereth, and Leviathan!

On Mephestopolies! On Beelzebub!

On Belial and Orion!

To the edges of HEAVEN,

Like a slaughterhouse sow,

Kill them all!

Kill Them All!!


AS God turned His head, to

Run from the sight, down

The avenues of Heaven, and

Into the night,

God was dressed in all silk, from

HIS head right on down,

Though the back of HIS trousers,

Once white, were now brown!

St. Sin's eyes, they twinkled, his

Mouth broke a smile, he

Knew Heaven would fall

Within just a short while.

THE demons grabbed God, and

They put Him in ties, and

He shook like a baby,

Just before a baby cries.

God spoke not a word, but

Fell straight out of grace, and

Dropping His stockings,

Turned red in the face!

AND raising His finger, the

Middle one, UP,

God called to St. Sin, who

In turn, raised his cup.

God sprang to His sleigh, and

Yelled: "Go Fuck Yourselves, Well!"

Then away God retreated, on

The day Heaven fell.

AND I heard St. Sin's reply, as

He drove God from sight:

"To hell with you all,

It's been a hell of a night!"

Excerpt from:
"The Confessions of a Jilted Superstar, In His Many Conversations With God"
AuthorHouse Press. Blooming, IN
© Reid Martin Basso- All rights reserved. 2015.


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    • profile image

      Jack Skellington 

      9 years ago

      LOL...satire is it lad? Loved it, not quite like Bamboozled, but interested take on life!

    • R. Martin Basso profile imageAUTHOR

      Reid Martin Basso 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA


      Wow, didn't realizr you were once so 'local'. Nice to see that you escaped the California con and got out to your lovely neck of the woods.

      Yeah, you pretty much summed it up there!

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 

      10 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Reid, My sister lived in Roseville many years ago, on Champagne Lane (please!) and I visited here there. Jesus, what a hell-land! Ungodly hot, flat, boring, treeless (the occasional fig or palm don't count). I hope it has improved since.

      PS: Tesla (ya, THAT Tesla! - during their famous years!) used to practice just down the street.

    • R. Martin Basso profile imageAUTHOR

      Reid Martin Basso 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      Well sounds like I've made some points there. Hopefully your kind words will offset those who take offense to this little poetic bit of herecy.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 

      10 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Can't wait for your political denouement. It's been fun, but now it's like beating a dead (old, balding, spent) maverick. Meantime, how about putting your poetry skills to work on the economic crisis?

      I hope no one in Roseville is reading this! They'd be highly insulted to see you mention their fair Rose City in the same sentence as CH and O-vale. LOL.


      P.S. Gotta love your name, too! Reid is my last name/maiden name and I'm sticking to it!

    • R. Martin Basso profile imageAUTHOR

      Reid Martin Basso 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      Hiya mighty mom....

      Hey there. Thank you for the kind support. I lived in Sacto fo r a bit (Roseville, Citrus Heights, Orangevale... Even downtown on 'H' Street....) I bounced around a bit after the dotcom 2001 bust. That's actually when I briefly entered culinary (Chef Jeff, you listenin'? lol).

      Regardless, MM, like I mentioned to Jeff, I HAD to take a break from the political diatribe an dschisms for a bit. All too much, as The Beatles would say.

      However, thanks for your support and it's nice to *meet* you..


    • R. Martin Basso profile imageAUTHOR

      Reid Martin Basso 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      Hi Chef Jeff...

      I just had to take a break from all of this political diatribe. I am, however, preparing to launch my next political article on ELECTION 2008 and it's gonna be a trunami. If you thought THIS was controvery, look for my next in the political series...

      Good to hear from you again and as always, I appreciate your kind words. I'll take that $100 prize, dear sir!


    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 

      10 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Clever and profane! LOVED it. God's trousers once white now brown-- oooh.That's baaaaddd !

      I agree with Chef Jeff you can expect a backlash -- but it will come from right here on the HubPages once word of this sacrilage gets out. Hopefully your disclaimer covers all liability:-). Good work, sir!

    • Chef Jeff profile image

      Chef Jeff 

      10 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

      If not the dark lord, then at least the dark humour! Bravo! Now expect thy backlash! I'm sure every TV evengelist here in the U.S. will take this and run with it as to why the Communists and Socialists and Satanists are gaining strength and why you must, simply MUST send in that $100 contribution to fend off the evil tide!

      Bravo again, and have a great hallowe'en!

      Oh, and I'll be keeping the $100 for myself, if you please, Pat Robertson!

    • R. Martin Basso profile imageAUTHOR

      Reid Martin Basso 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      Ah, yes sir! Thank thee for thy comments!

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 

      10 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Thou art genuinely a twisted individual... I loved it!!!


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