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Helping Loved Ones or Enabeling Loved Ones

Updated on August 30, 2011

Love Never Fails

Compassion or Enabling, which is it?

It is OK to love yourself enough to take care of your self. No one is putting on any pressure to do the other wise except me. I look in the mirror and I am the one in charge of my relationship with Christ, my life, emotions and physical well being. I must get up each day and do my part with God first place. Matthew 6:31. Somewhere in the shuffle the enemy would like to pull the chain and when one is busy try to sneak in to rob one of joy or passion or try and stop any work for the cause of Christ. The enemy will try to be clever and tricky. I am not into giving him any PR. The reality is the enemy and his finger prints are everywhere. I must first and foremost seek God and His Kingdom for my benefit. In doing so it helps me to balance my day and ultimately my life for the Glory of God.

There is a reason for Gods order. It could just be so that our lives are made easier and we step back and let God do His work. I can not fix or repair anyone's life. The person needs to be willing to make a change. My prayers and heart go to those in need. I need to ask am I really helping or am I and hindering Gods handiwork? I think in all honesty I do not want one in pain so I tend to help fix when in my head and heart I know I am powerless over anyones decision to change. Oh my human mind can be so darn unpredictable. I thank God for the renewing of the mind when we give our lives to His care and take heed on His Almighty Word. The Holy Spirit goes into action for us and I am ever so grateful to have a constant Helper. I am not perfect at hearing but I am a works in progress.

I can tend to get a bit over zealous and really all I need to do is listen and take the cotton from my ears and put in my mouth. Compassion and loving another through the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life I can only share iwhat God has done for me. When I put on my fix it cap I hinder the person to reach out and take responsibility for their actions and life. To try and repair or help in the damage they created is not a good thing. My compassion can turn to enabling and that is a fine line I can easily cross.

By the prompting of the Holy Spirit one day it was like the light came on. Praise the Lord of the Heavens. In my head I know better in my heart my emotions to see someone in pain got me and no I have amends to make for treading the line. I am not God. I am hands and feet for God. I relate to their pain so much and how I prayed many would help dig me from my messes. Some did some of the time until they caught my drift. I thought I was smart and I could be master maipulator. I could play the harp and fiddle well. I praise God that I am forgiven and keep moving forward. I can slip from the Rock of Jesus Christ but oh Glorious God, He will come to me and He will reach out and help to pick me up. It is in seeking I find, and in finding I am free. I am back on the Rock and humble pie.

I do not look forward to making amends yet I count it all joy because Our GOD is great and sovereign and redeems and restores. He can, 'turn all things around for good for those that love Him.' I have made a new choice to love in compassion by listening and being me, a light for God. I can only pray that with the Holy Spirit I will be what God wills for me. I can pray for my beloved that are lost or have one foot in and one foot out of the World. But for the Grace of God go I. Maybe like me they want God only fear He is a punishing God. I can share the Good news of His Love for All of His creation. We are usually the makers of our own grief. God is not. God does not strap one to the couch until we get it. No one would ever leave the couch. JK, Not!

We will always grow and learn in Gods perfect time. He is forever shaping and molding us for His works. To do His work we have to get out and be willing to be His hands and feet. It is not always easy but it is the most wonderful joyous life to give without expectation. He will help our loved ones, He hears our prayers and knows our pain for them. Sometimes the best love I can give is In letting go. I am free and God will care for them as He did for me. He wants none in pain or to perish. He will stand at the door and wait for the knock, just as He did for me. He is not going anywhere.

I am like an onion I am just getting peeled away. Off with the old and on with the new. I marvel at how I thirst and crave to be for God and work for Him. I pray I never enable again as I clear my throat.. It is a far better choice to be loving and being compassionate verses enabling and covering up for one I love and care about deeply. I will not be perfect but with God, All things are possible.'

I believe if one is willing God smiles because we have removed the blinders. I can see I hurt someone by my self centered understanding. I overstepped to pick up wreckage. I move forward. in forgiveness from God. I only share this story with you because if there is a part of you that wears the fix it hat, no one can fix anyone. God can and could if He were sought. May all your dreams come true. May all your loved ones be Born again, healthy and spiritually fit in Christ Jesus.

Well that is my story and I am sticking to it. I can mess up and I do mess up. I am such a ragged doll sinner. I am so grateful I am forgiven and my name in spite of my mistakes is written in the Lambs Book of Life. (Revelation 20:12) Is yours? I can only pray that it is for your eternal sake. Check out John 3:16 if you need more clarity. 'God sent His only Son Jesus Christ to save ALL the world from sin so none would perish but have everlasting Life.' It is a personal choice one must make in this lifetime.

There is an old saying, 'you can lead the horse to water but you can not make him drink it.' Gods timing is not my timing and being loving and compassionate verses enabling so a beloved ones ship stays afloat is not always a healthy scenario, for all involved. Amen and Amen. In the Name of Jesus Christ.

Love Never Fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8 )


© Copyright Skye Tudae

Seek Him First


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    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 4 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Romeos Quill I thought I sent a reply back to you but it did not go though for some reason. Thank you so much for stopping in to visit. I am always thrilled to see you. You are a character and I just love ya. God sure carved out a precious design when he created you dearest romeos. Enabling loved ones. Huge topic. So easy to do. I can not do anything on my own but with Christ I can do all things. I am so grateful that the boyfriend in this picture is mostly out of the picture with my precious friend. She finally saw though her eyes. Thank God. I pray for this young man. None of us deserve anything me being the worst. It is only by Gods grace I can love. the Lord. Glad you got a laugh dear bro. Makes me laugh too at how serious I can be at times. I need to lighten up more. God has us in His hands how much better can it get. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. Good thing it is not by works we enter into eternity!! Love you Hugs Galore. Your sister, Skye.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Another marvelous and important Hub article dear Skye.

      Hoping that you are well and in good health, and finding your quota of joy in life.

      Take care beloved sis.


      P.S. I had to click ' funny ', when you talked about doing a Marlon Brando with the cotton wool. :) You got me with that one.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      You are so right...we need to listen and to allow God's plan to happen for our lives.

      And He is there for us...and I am so thankful for that. And learning that our timing is not His timing is a huge hurdle that once crossed will bring us peace.

      Thanks for sharing this...Angels are on the way to you today ps

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      My Faith never steers me wrong, literally and figuratively, Skye.

      This is a beautiful reflection, showing much heart and wisdom. I am so glad I stopped by and happy to meet you.

      Voted UP and UABI. Hugs, Maria

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      What an amazing write here as to that fine line (well may seem like a fine line) but there is certainly a big difference in helping and enabling even as to oneself!

      Thank you for this thought-provoking piece dearest Skye!

      Beautiful song and video on love.

      He is love, and He loves no matter what, with that unconditional love.

      Voted up ++++ and sharing

      God bless you. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 5 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      lousisa rogers, Making amends is not easy and to expect them when we are hurt is not our issue. We just need to forgive and move forward. Easy not always but possible with Christ, Amen. God works all things for His good and purpose. God Bless you precious one for coming to visit. I am honored to meet you. Love, skye

    • Louisa Rogers profile image

      Louisa Rogers 5 years ago from Eureka, California and Guanajuato, Mexico

      I too like making amends. Then I feel clean inside and free of worry. Thank you, Skye!

    • howcurecancer profile image

      Elena@LessIsHealthy 6 years ago

      Rated up, I follow you.

    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

      That is one of the wonderful things about hub pages I think. We can grow in our faith and speak our mind and in the almost two years I have been here satan has done his best to shut me up. At times I feel just like you about putting the cotton in my mouth, but as long as we speak God's word we are going to step on toes. I tell on myself when I do wrong and I do have a temper over certain things I never gave a thought to two years ago. I have found out so much and been so shocked that sometimes I scream before I think. Apparently though I think too God has His reasons and we all should know with not too many seasons. Nice to have met you and I will try to catch up on your writings. I have a hub planned I am very excited about that I think will be a help to Christians who may not see something important that they should. I love bible study and that is where the Holy Spirit leads me to want to know more and more.

    • profile image

      jasper420 6 years ago

      very good and informative hub great writting glad to be a fan look foward to more.

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Lady_E God Bless you my sister. It is so nice to see you. Love ya ladye Hugs to you. Love you in Christ.

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 6 years ago from London, UK

      Very inspiring - rated up.

      Best Wishes.

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 6 years ago

      I call it "healthy selfishness". So many people believe it is wrong or bad or selfish or all of the above to take care of oneself first, when we really are so much better equipped to be of service to others in a healthy way when we are able to meet our own needs. Thanks skye2day for the morning meditation.

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      MartieCoetser Hello sister. I am touched to see you sis. I think we all know about this topic I believe I went to a new leval of understanding in Christ after writing this hub of love. His WORD never fails, He is truth. I pray all of yours are well. I pray all is well with you dear freind. I love you. Your sis in Christ Jesus.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      So true, our human mind can be so darn unpredictable, not to talk about our human emotions. This is an inspriring hub that will give hope to many disheartened souls. Somehow God has a different plan for all of us. Man proposes, God disposes. Have a wonderful day, my dear skye. It’s so good to know that every day is the first of the rest of our lives. We therefor always have the change to sow what we would love to reap,.. until Death stops us.

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      christ4ever Brother Blessings Thank You for stopping over for a read. I am not planning on leaving hubs sorry if you misunderstood or I did not clarify. It is all good.I can not be on line as much as I would like too.Christ has me in other 'works' so I can not write as much but with God all things are possible.I would like to write allot more and this is all in His plan. I will be around 4 sure!!

      He will make the time when it is the 'time' for me to write for Him.You know what i mean.

      Hey I love ya Brother Rev Ted in Jesus Christ and you keep soaring on the wings of the Eagle sharing the Good news. We are getting sooner to the return of Jesus Hurry Jesus Come. He will never leave nor forsake us. Oh Blessed Lord I am so grateful and honored to know Him. I thirst for Him more then ever. I will be over for a read very soon. Hugs Galore!! Thank you for the prayers and you to my bro are in mine always ( - ;

    • christ4ever profile image

      Rev. Teddy C. Ryan III 6 years ago from a life in sin saved by the Lord's grace - we are blessed with the ministry in Florida & Georgia

      AMEN 2 that my good sister! And even if you are not here on the Hubs - my prayers are always with you!

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      stars439 My Brother Your comment touches my heart. You are preciuos. In Christ, hugs galore

      Tamarajo Darlin sista Blessings. Discerning loving or enabling is a difficult position. I am the one that puts me into it. I have jumped in to both feet to a situation and it stopped one from growing up. Thank GOD that He will cover our loved ones just as He covered us and continues to carry us. It is a process and I am reminded right now of 1 Corinthians Love is patient, kind and that helps me in discerning. Love to you You keep soaring on those wings of the Eagle. I am making rounds at the hubs. I will be over for a read. You works have truly Blessed me in my walk with Jesus. HUGS MY SISTA IN Christ..

    • Tamarajo profile image

      Tamarajo 6 years ago

      It is at times difficult to discern what is enabling and what is being helpful. I weigh and balance constantly because so many times I have jumped in and took responsibility for someones problem and intercepted their own maturation process.

      I like the focus of your article to always keep in mind that we are not God and we can't save anyone. We just need to be obedient to God in what He has asked us to do and leave the rest up to Him.

      Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience. A helpful reminder today to remember who I'm serving.

    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Very lovely hub dear heart. God Bless You.

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Christ4Ever My Brother. Blessings Rev Ted. I have been off line a bit more then usual. I miss my bros and sista. I am excited to read your latest. Time is coming sooner then later. Allot is happening in this Ole world. Praise God we are His Children. There is much to do. Thank you for a Blessed comment I got a bit of slack but no biggie. God is 4 me and you affirmed to me to keep on and that is what I intend to do. I do not get it all perfect by a long shot but I truly love to shine the Light for Gods Glory. I have been so Blessed in the last few months. My prayers answered and far greater then this finite mind could come up with. God is so cool and amazing. I hope to share a testimony that was monumental in my life via hubs. It is for Gods Glory and His Love is deeper and incomprehensible. I know He will care for the loved ones I behold so dearly in my heart. He picked this ragged doll sinner up and I believe He will pick up my loved ones. I do not waiver. I stand firm on the Rock Rev. It is so nice to see you mighty eagle. You keep soaring on those wings of the eagle OK. U will Phil 4:13

      Love you brother in Christ Jesus. See you soon at the hubs of love your end. ( - ;

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Voice CW My mighty warrior brother. God Bless you. You have shed some light on my heart and I am honored and grateful to the Lord God for you. You are such a love. I am touched by your words. Brothers and Sisters in Christ is a very special gift to behold. I can get carried away imagine that and truly believe I am loving and being compassionate but I am fixing or repairing when I need to step back and Love and listen and not clean up a mess. I can pray and be there I do not want to stop anyone from growing in Christ or reaching out. My hand will always be there and go to those that hurt but to juggle my walk or life or finances is allot of work when I know it is putting me in the rears and not helping another. You got it bro the Holy Spirit our teacher will lead and direct and teach. I think He has been calling me and He got my attention. I love much but to love one to death is not good. Thank you so much for coming over I knew I would see you. I will be over very soon for a read can not wait. You must be using another computer because I cannot link by clicking your name. Oh woe is me. I look forward to your reads. I pray all is well and I believe it is. Count it all joy brother. Come Jesus soon. In the time stand on the ROCK BROTHER. U WILL PHIL 4:13 Love you bro, IN CHRIST. Sending a hug (-;

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Ms Dee I so enjoy you visits. I am honored you were touched and relate to my shortcoming. I plan on working at it. There is much work to do. We could love one to death and for that I would be truly sorry. I can be there but it is OK not to pick up the pieces of someones wreck. It is all I can do to keep my house in order. I love Jesus yes I do I love you to ms d and Christ does to. You rock, keep standing on Him Your sista in Jesus. Hugs Galore

      Hyphenbird Hello precious sista in Christ. Thank you for your Blessed comment. It warms my heart. Yes fingerprints of the enemy are all around and growing in number. There is much for Gods Children to do. I pray to be The Fathers hands and feet and not get in His way. I seek to hear the small still voice.Am I loving or am I enabling? Gods word is true and YES HE DID PICK me up and put me on SOLID ground and He will do that for our loved ones as well. Stay on the rock sister. I love you and will be over soon for an update. Hugs In Christ Jesus.

      breath.adupa I am honored and touched by your kind word. God Bless and keep you. In love, Your sister in Christ.

      friendoftruth You put a smile on my heart and I am truly grateful. Your word is loving and tender.Hugs brother. U Keep on IN Christ, U will Phil 4:13

    • FriendofTruth profile image

      FriendofTruth 6 years ago from Michigan


    • christ4ever profile image

      Rev. Teddy C. Ryan III 6 years ago from a life in sin saved by the Lord's grace - we are blessed with the ministry in Florida & Georgia

      My good sister "skye" you have described this topic so beautifully and eloquently. Something we all need to keep in mind and in heart as we serve our mighty Lord!

      Spending time with Him is always the "alpha and omega" of my day. If we could have an "Emmanuel" day all the time (24/7), the adversary would never have the opportunity to slip in unannounced.

      Keep praising and glorifying His name through your efforts... Rev.Ted

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Dave Mathews My Brother I am so about Gods busness in the intem sometimes I enable others to not take ressponsibility for their stuff. I often pick up slack for them It is all good and I love helping others for Gods work.

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 6 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      skye2day: Every morning I awaken and the first thing I do, ok, the second thing I do is go to the balcony to greet God, Father Son/Brother and Holy Spirit/brother also. Without a doubt, everytime, satan tries to distract me. I simply ask my brother Holy Spirit to chase him away and keep him away and I become focused.

      Oooops! "Taking on an extra responsibility to someone is a good thing" You shold have stopped there Sis. Helping others is being about "Your Father's Business" for this is part of what we are called to do. When you put your own needs on the back burner to help another, God will for certain put a reward out there somewhere when you finally get around to your needs.

    • profile image

      VOICE CIW 6 years ago

      God bless you skye2day, such a beautiful hub. Whatever you do and how much you do, God knows just how much you can bear. To help others is what God wants us to do, and like you said we have to be careful that we don't hurt our relationship with God, by doing too much. Sometimes we may feel that we are not helping like we should, that is when we go to God in prayer. The Bible says we are living in perilous times, but we have the victory through Christ. Satan is a defeated enemy, Christ defeated him on the cross. Sister all you have to do is do the best you can in Christ, and let God judge. Don't you judge yourself, you always feel that you did not do all that you could have done. All of us christians feel that way, because we fall short of God's glory. But, God says, trust in Him and do good. God is leading you Sister, you are not by yourself, God will never leave you nor forsake you, He will be with you until the end of your life. Satan can't even touch you, because you are the child of the King (Jesus Christ), Satan has to get permission from God to come against you. And if God gives him permission, you know that you will defeat the enemy through Christ's Power. You stay blessed Sister, I am keeping you in my prayers and you keep me in your prayers. By the way I recently published two hubs, they are, " Preaching of the cross is foolishness to some " and the other one is " God is a everyday and a all day God " I think you will enjoy them. Once again your hub is beautiful and inspirational, I love you in the Lord.

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 6 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      You have stated it beautifully.

      Our loved ones are just like we are, with free will and a choice to make. And that "all faith" issue is getting bigger and bigger. Oprah Winfrey stood on national TV and stated there are many roads to God. She is highly respected and some follow her with question. And our government promotes the thought that God's truth is hate speech because it does not support a sinful lifestyle.

      All of those fingerprints that Satan leaves are contaminating the world and many people are loving the virus. I am loving the One who "picked me up, turned me around and set me on solid ground." Thank you sky2day for a great devotional.

    • bharath.adupa profile image

      bharath.adupa 6 years ago from India

      Wonderful hub..............

    • Ms Dee profile image

      Deidre Shelden 6 years ago from Texas, USA

      Wonderful description of balance in responsibility between ourselves, others and God :). I find I have to keep being reminded how weak I am so I won't try to be everything to all others, a rely on God to be strong in my weakness. Enjoyed your hub


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