The Footsteps

He is always with us, we just sometimes did not notice it.

 And I hear his footsteps slowly walking away from mine.  All I hear is   sound of my own footsteps walking alone in the path both familiar to us.  The path we used to walk along together, the path which served as quiet witness of the bitter-sweet memories of once I believe was love.

 It was a love I struggled for years.  A feeling I treasured in-spite of its imperfection. It was an endless journey to my dreams, when I made myself believe that it was for real, that his love was real.  But it’s time to wake up! I need to wake up even if I know I haven’t slept at all.  I need to force myself to wake up because, he is already wide awake

Now I see his love slowly fading away. The sad thing that reality told me “that love can fade in someone’s heart, even at times when you still feel it overflowing in yours”. You may wish to stop it from fading but you can never be in control of somebody else’s feeling. It will be more painful to force someone to stay in love with you, especially if there was no love after all.

And I hear his footsteps slowly walking away from my life. All I hear is sound of my own footsteps walking alone in the path both familiar to us. And I go on walking hearing my lonely footsteps heading towards a direction that welcomes change and acceptance. A love that is not meant to exist in this world has its own painful destruction. And you’re not permitted to prevent it. You’ll see yourself watching the love you nurtured for years against all odds, slowly crushing into pieces. All you can do is watch it slowly fading away and suffer deep inside your heart.

Now I can no longer hear his footsteps, for he never really stopped walking away from my life. And now completely alone in my journey, I came to appreciate my painful experience. Why should I feel pain to a lose love when I knew from the start that it was like a point of no return, a journey without destination, a union without a purpose? Why should I feel pain to my misfortune when I was given enough time to think about my choices and decisions? And why should I regret what I have given when no one persuaded me to give it away? Why should I regret things that once upon a time gave comfort to me?

Without his footsteps walking along with mine, I came to accept that his memories will always be at the lonely corner of my heart, but with a hope of forgetting and forgiving.  Just in case the wound left a scar, let it be a reminder not of pain but of the strength I didn’t know I have.

Not hearing his footsteps is still a sad experience, but walking alone made me hear the silent footsteps of our Lord slowly walking along with mine