The Hair Color Changing Spell (Humor)

Well, it may be that too many people are watching the movie, "The Craft" because I keep seeing requests in my log files for "how cast a spell to change my hair color." So, okay, here it is. *Drumroll*

At the Full of the Moon, assemble yourself in a secret place - preferably near a good source of running water.

You should be skyclad, or if you must wear robes, wear old ones that you do not mind having ruined.

Ground and center.

Cast a circle by walking 3 times around your magickal space. Clockwise for a ligher shade, counterclockwise for a darker. Call upon the elements.

Light an incense of henna, maidenhair fern, meadowsweet and lady's bedstraw. You may use a candle of any color you desire, except for gray, which is highly inadvisable.

"Oh Friznat, you who bring bad hair days,
Or or in your mercy, keep them away.
I call upon thee and invoke thee,
Oh you, who walk this earth, seeking your consort Mopidu,
And creating the snarls and tribulations for human kind,
Look kindly down upon me.
May I never tangle, may I never frizz,
May spilt ends be ended completely.
Oh Lady, I beseech thee.
So Mote it Be."

Throw a rubber band or a hair ribbon or other hair ornament into your cauldron, and burn it in offering.

Take up an whole unblemished Grade A extra large egg. Walk to each quarter and hold the egg up toward the directions, saying the following, depending on the element:

Water: "May my hair be moist and nourished."
Air: "May my hair flow smoothly back, when ruffled by a breeze."
Fire: "May the fiery sun not bleach the color too swiftly."
Earth: "May I make lots of money so that I can get a real hairdresser and not rely upon silly spells."

Return to center. Crack the egg upon your forehead. catch the yolk, and separate it out from the white, using your fingers much like a colander. Smear the yolk into your hair.

Say, "May beauty enter my life." Try to avoid slipping on the spilled egg white.

Now open the box of hair coloring essence that you bought at your local pharmacy and apply it according to the directions on the label. As you do so, chant the name of the color you want your hair to become.

Remember that if you have not done a pre-test and break out in a horrid rash, neither I nor the goddess Friznat are responsible.

Wait the appropriate time, meditating upon how lovely you will look with your new color.

Rinse your hair and apply the conditioner that came in the package. Rinse it out as per the instructions on the box.

Walk 3 times around your ritual space, again, clockwise for light hair, counterclockwise for dark. Thank Friznat for her caring and mercy.

Thank the elements and release them. Release the circle.

The rite is done. Your hair has now shifted in color.

For maximum effectiveness you should repeat this spell every 3-6 weeks.

This is REAL magick people! it is PROVEN to WORK in medical STUDIES!

The worship of Friznat is surrounded by ancient and spooky lore. Most historians and scholars do not speak or write of her, for they fear her wrath. And indeed she is a vengeful goddess, sending her Bad Hair Days without warning to those who have angered her and failed to appease her.

Recent finds indicate that her worship may have started in Mesopotamia, although this is not confirmed. Indeed, some suggest that she may have even been worshiped by the Neanderthals. (After all, their excess hair made them targets for her ire.) In fact another recent find suggests that Neanderthals made headdresses from the feathers of birds to appease Friznat.

Scientists at the 2012 Symposium for Strangeness conclude that the artifact known as the Willendorf Goddess is in fact a depiction of Friznat in her Braided Phase.

The oldest known fine toothed comb dates to the Natufian Culture of 9500-12500 B.C. in the Levant region of the Eastern Mediterranean, providing definitive proof that these were worshipers of Friznat.

It has been theorized that the ancient Egyptians were descended from those who fled from her wrath, with their shaved heads and wigs as proof of both their heresy and subsequent attempts to placate her. Scholars further suggest that one of the plagues visited on Egypt was a plague of lice, not locusts, as reported in the Bible, and that this plague was sent by Friznat herself.

It is believed that Friznat was the precursor of the gorgon Medusa, of Greek Myth.

The Gaoshan ethinic group of Taiwan and China are known to be survivals of the original Friznatites, as can be seen from their hair dance, below.

Legend tells that Friznat was born from the vortex of a whirling storm.

Lo she appeared in a flash of lightning, her hair writhing with Holy Static. Mopidu did stare in terror as she snarled at him. Yet then she smiled, saying, "Thou remindst me of the laying down of heads upon pillows." They tangled together, their frenzied passion bringing forth the grasses and the thorns and brambles, the porcupines and lice. And lo the Children of Man trembled in fear, and those who were unwise shaved their heads, thus incurring her wrath.

- Text of a 9th Century epistle by the Franciscan monk Dodooresearchus the Hairbrained, reputed to be a copy of a much earlier text rescued from the Library of Alexandria.

Friznat's symbols are the the comb, the lightning strike, brambles the porcupine and lice or nits.

Another legend of this goddess, thought to come from medieval times is that she was separated from her consort Mopidu during the Dark Moon, and that on those nights she wanders the world seeking her beloved, and inflicting vengance upon all who would prevent her from finding him.

Although seen as a malefic goddess, venerated in early times to stave off her wrath, modern day worshipers see her as a kinder, gentler deity, pointing out that those who follow her strict protocols may bask in the joys of luscious locks.

Devotees of Friznat, or Friznatites, can often be identified by their voluminous and staticy hair styles.

Friznat's holy day is the Full Moon, although she may be venerated Monday-thru Fridays before work, or on nights when the follower has a hot date.

Those who attempt to worship her on the Dark Moon risk her ire, and believers never comb or brush their hair on those days.

Sacrifices to her are often given in the form of hair ornaments which should be burned in a cauldron or fire pit, and the devotee should stand over the cauldron, inhaling the smoke and letting it infuse their hair. High Priestess Feria Tangletree of the Church of Friz says that those sacrifices which create a more noxious smoke when burned (often plastics) are preferred sacrifices.

The traditional ritual greeting amongst Friznatites is "May you never tangle," to which the appropriate response is, "May you never friz."

Contrary to previous beliefs, Friznat is not associated in any way with the stapler, once thought to be a sacred object to her.

From an early text on the worship of Friznat:

A special note: If you wish to truly receive Friznat's blessings, purchase a stapler (yes, the thing that you use to staple papers together) and bury it near a riverbank. A caution: if you do this during a Tuesday when it is Full Moon, or on a Thursday if Mercury is retrograde and the Sun is in Libra, this will only invoke Friznat's ire. In this case, to spare yourself of her wrath, you must also give her a bottle of hair conditioner. Preferably the expensive kind - Friznat hates those cheap conditioners.

The stapler was the case of an inadvertent mixup with the rites of Cubicula, goddess of Offices. "The proper item to bury would be a hair dryer," Tangletree states. "The rest of the information is correct with the exception that it is on the Dark Moon, not the Full one that making this type of offering may anger her."

Little is known regarding the origins of Friznat's consort. The association with the Dark Moon suggests that he may be an early Lunar deity.

He is known as the Patron God of Bed Head, and has his most significant following in Jamaica.

Thank you to the following folks for their photos which helped make this excruciatingly researched and highly factual (cough) article possible.

Via Wikimedia Commons by Creative Commons Share Alike:

Stone Age Nit Comb Sandstein

Ivory Nit Comb Молли

Willendorf Goddess Matthias Kabel

Via Flickr by Creative Commons Share Alike:

Gorgeous Wild Hair Katie Blench

This article was originally published on my website in approx. 1999.

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