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The Wrath of the Undecided

Updated on December 11, 2011

Knowing and Not Knowing

The Inner Struggle

For those of you have the advantage of believing in a God who will take care of a lot of matters out of your control, I wish I possessed the same level of faith. While I do not dismiss or discount the possibility of God, I do not find much presence of him in our day-to-day world. I believe in Jesus (although I'm not very sure about the resurrection), but I do not think mortal men have been presented with his life to live up to his example. Perhaps Christ never meant for us mere mortals to live up to his life, but to just try to follow his path, regardless of our many failures. Like Jesus, I have no intention of deliberately hurting anyone, but wasn't Jesus the one to bring a radically new way of thinking of morality to this planet? Didn't he risk everything to resist the established Jewish conception of morality and bring us a new testament? If we are to follow his example, should any of us be less bold? Jesus did not seek confrontation but he did not shrink from it either.

What withers me is fakery -- people who pretend to care about other human beings but really care only about their own agenda -- an agenda to get ahead, to secure their place -- an agenda which, if need be -- puts down the destitute -- even to make fun of it -- or worse those who ignore it entirely, as if it didn't exist.

Didn't Jesus say that he would be the axe who would (at the advisement of John the Baptist) cut down the tree that had grown rotten?

When Jesus traveled into the desert, who did he have on his side? The apostles were not there with him. He was alone. This is how I see each of us, alone in the desert, our friends no where to be seen -- even if they were of any worth. The duel would be between our innermost soul and Satan. I have no fear of Satan. Like Christ, if he were to enter my circle I would pull out his lying tongue.

Jesus surrounded himself with men who were essentially weak, and he knew this. In his time of need, none of them rose to his defense. They were simple men, fishermen, shepherds, people afflicted with disease, the crippled -- this was his army. He had no real protection, and even his followers stayed with him only when they saw him perform miracles -- curing the blind, creating more wine for a ceremony, raising the dead. At some point Christ must have known he was not just a man but a supernatural being. He must have known of his mission. And even though all of his abilities were locked into the form of a mere mortal man, with the same weaknesses, he did not doubt that he was the messiah, the son of God, the redeemer who would eliminate man's original sin by dying on the cross -- and beyond that giving man the hope of eternal life through the proof of his Resurrection. It can only make you wonder -- how could a man of mere flesh, blood and bone contain such an incredible responsibility, such a destiny?

But, as much as we would like to be, we are not Jesus -- we do not possess his special gifts, his insight and absolute faith. At best, any of us can do is follow his teachings and try to live a moral life. Yet, isn't it true that when Jesus returned to Bethlehem to increase his following he was belittled, remembered only as a poor carpenter and spurned because he presented himself as the messiah? He accepted these aspersions, knowing that God would deal with every rock-thrower in His own way.

But what are WE to do? When people spit (figuratively or literally) upon us, scorn us? Are we to sit silent? Or should we act as Jesus might and show these wretched beings that they may rot in hell (either here on earth or some other plane)? Should we simply turn our heads or stand up and tell them that God is watching them -- and even if He isn't, we are -- and that we have knowledge of their vulgarity and pride? Is it hubris to stand up (as did Jesus) and say who will throw the first stone? If you have been watching people for years throwing hundreds of stones, isn't it time to stop them by saying "you are a plaything of the devil"? Isn't it some kind of obligation?

Christ was blessed (sort of) by KNOWING what God wanted of him, but for the rest of us, we can only surmise what his purpose may be. Christ could actually hear the word of God in his ear, but what of the rest of us? Who among us can actually hear the direct word of God? If I did I'd wonder if I was going insane.

Each of us should be torn between being a complete pacifist -- one who does nothing and allows God to reward or punish those whom we see as undeserving -- and one who screams the truth of things (as we view them) into the ears of those who seem to have become the subjects of Satan. And, if need be, I can (as might many others) word this condemnation in secular terms.

In no way do I see myself as the instrument of God. I know I cannot speak for him. But, sometimes, such as now, I feel as if he is giving me permission to speak plainly, truthfully, directly. Is this delusional? Am I mixing up my own personal sense of justice with a higher cause? Does my personal sense of justice/ right and wrong mean nothing whatsoever?

Many us us may have felt as if we've been playing Mr. Nice Guy, and at some point you may awaken to see this as fake/shallow. You may feel a need to dispense with the disguise. You may feel the need of knocking people out of their rocking chairs and thereby forfeiting any kind of amicable relationship with people with whom you have (in a sense) spared your wrath. The idea here is not to shout out religious scripture or dime-a-dozen platitudes but to simply present a no-holds-bared level of honesty/truth to the extent that you recognize it -- at the risk of losing some comfy if maladroit relationships. This is not a sermon or espousal but a general question for your contemplation.


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