The beauty of Release
Ever had something that hurt you, that was so deep seeded in your heart it plagued everything about you? Most of us have had something like that at one time or another. There is nothing quite like the release you feel when that thing is removed from you. When you are set free of something that has tormented you, it's an amazing sense of relief you feel.
My deep seeded hurt has been many things. There were many things that happened when I was young that left me bitter. Most of the time I could hide it. Even from myself. But when something happened that reminded me of it, here it came bubbling to the surface in anger and depression and anxiety.
That's how bitterness is. You don't always see it or notice it, but it's usually still hiding somewhere within just waiting for a chance to escape, to rise up again. You've heard the term roots of bitterness? That's a perfect way to say it. It takes root in your heart and grows. It really is like a tree, you cut it down, and it's roots are still there, water them and it grows again. New branches. Just the same, if you think you have cut out bitterness, sometimes you leave just a little bit in your heart. Because it hurts to much to rip them out. We will just hang onto a little bit of bitterness and control it. But as soon as something waters it, something is said or done that brings up the past, that bitterness grows quickly back up. It's a fast growing tree.
You'll know when something really changes.
Last night at church, as at many other times, Something in me was stirred. Something that brought up the pain in my heart. The pain that I often squelch, that I don't even realize sometimes is still there. But this time was a little different. It was harder to control my emotions, and I couldn't stop crying. People prayed for me and I cried uncontrollably. I cried hard. I cried with everything in me and I begged the Lord to remove the bitterness. And this time I actually let him touch me in the deep seeded parts. I felt like I would die from grief. I felt like my heart was being ripped out slowly. In some ways, it was. Not my heart, but the roots that had entangled themselves there.
I was so sapped when it was over. My legs and arms were like jelly. I felt like I had been in a fight with a strong opponent. I felt like I had lost every bit of energy I had. I was completely drained. And that's how I knew something was different. I was weak. Weaker than I think I have ever felt. It was like I had worked out for 3 hours with no water or food in my system.
At the same time I was wound up like a top, which happens to me every time I get released from something that has caused serious hurt. It's such a feeling of intense relief that my mind just responds to the other extreme and I am as giddy as a little kid on a sugar high.
When I got home I ate and ate. I don't remember the last time I was that hungry. I couldn't get enough to eat. Finally when I got full, I laid down on my bed. Peaceful thoughts were going through my mind, and I drifted of slowly and calmly to sleep. I slept great.
When I woke up this morning, I felt renewed.
I feel like a warm breeze has blown into my soul. Like a warm blanket on a cold night has been wrapped around my heart.
I think some of the walls that my pastor preached about did indeed fall down.
The thing about bitterness, is it controls so much of your mind and emotions, and you don't even realize it. It's time to let all that go.
It's also time to get rid of the deadbeat negative voices in your life!!
Great line in the message last night.
God bless everyone!