What I Found Out About God

My hand trembled as I put the sticky note in the question box. The answer was going to change my view of God forever.

I come from an orthodox Hindu family and from when I was a toddler, I believed that God was part of my life. My dad used to tell me about stories of God’s glory and how God helps us in small but significant ways. My mom taught me to pray at the altar after waking up and before going to bed. Such small traditions and stories such as praying after taking a shower strengthened my relationship between God and me. When I was seven years old, I joined a spiritual organization called Sathya Sai Baba Organization where we learn about humanistic values and do community service. Many angels have came and left telling me how important God is in my life.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think God was there for me. The relationship broke apart in middle school. I thought that God was not by my side and not making anything bad go away. During that time, things were dipping for me. I was getting harassed, my grades were trash, and my grandfather had passed away. Eventually, I started asking whether God even existed. I stopped going to temple and hanging out with my family. For a while, I stayed atheist and could not cope with the pain of going against my belief of God. Being a tenacious, smart girl, it would stab my heart to wonder about God.

Once, I was recommended to participate a spiritual seminar. It was going to happen in the church in my neighborhood. My mom tried bribing me until she mentioned that my best friend was going to the seminar. I dreaded going, but went anyway for the sake of meeting my best friend. When I got there, the room was sunlit and there stood a beautiful altar decorated with aromatic flowers. There stood a proud picture of Jesus. The leader of the seminar was standing confidently at the front waiting for everyone to be seated. There were not that many people, but the room looked energetic. I sat there in a sluggish posture and told my mind to sleep since her seminar seemed uninteresting. She talked about her stories of experiencing God’s divinity and so on.

At the end, there was a question and answer session. I was nudged to write a question down and ask it. As I was thinking of what to write, I remember how I was struggling with the relationship with God and jotted down this question, “Why does God do things against us? If he knows the future, why can’t he stop something bad from happening?” I folded it discreetly and passed it down to the speaker. As she was opening mine, she read it with a surprised look, shook her head, and smiled. “Honey,” she directed at me, “God is not against you. In fact, he does everything for our own good. It may not seem like that at the moment, but you will realize later. I suggest that keeping faith in God during bad times because it will make you feel better.” I looked at her with a puzzled look. “Okay, let me tell you this,” she clarified. She went on about how she struggled with the same thing and being clueless about God. She also explained about karma and how it is a force of nature that God can not actually control. I could feel the warmth of her love radiate on me. I tend to be a sponge and filter, absorbing positive energy from people. I felt that God sent an angel to Earth to answer my burning question. “You can pray to God and make the suffering less for you,” she suggested. “But you must go through your struggles to receive grace. Praying to Him will not make your problem go away, but give you the strength to cope ahead.” That was when I was struck with blissful lightning like when a lightbulb goes off in your head. Every single person said I was glowing. That one answer significantly altered my view of God. That day, I gained more faith in God than I ever did before. Only God showed me the way. I gained bliss and faith from this graceful experience.