When A Loved One Dies
If I had only been there, she might not have died.
While I write the following words, I will be using the spell check quite often, as the tears that are falling may block the view of my screen, as I try to type. This is a true story that happened right after the death of my Mother. If one person can be comforted while reading this it will be worth all my efforts and time.
The death of my Mother was very unexpected catching my sisters and I off guard. We were a very tight family. I don't think that my Mom ever went to a doctors appointment , shopping, or anywhere unless one of us was always right there beside her to help, and keep her company, since the death of our Dad. I lived closer to her, so my time with her was constant. Our shared love of flowers, gardening ,and cooking always gave us a endless conversation.I don't think a day ever went by without us calling each other and just "checking in".
When our knock on the door was unanswered, we found our Mother had passed away during the night. I called 911, but it was too late. She had been with God for hours by the time we got there. I then dialed the much dreaded numbers to my other sisters to tell them the news, and waited in the yard for them to get there. As each one arrived their screams of the same grief stricken words were identical as they got there. "If I had been there Mom wouldn't have died."Their words were all the same, We all knew that we never let her face anything alone, but the fact she faced death alone was more than we could all bear. Why wasn't we there.
The next few days were a blur, making funeral arrangement, and calling family that lived far away . The busy days helped, but the nights ,when it was so quite was my hardest time. I missed her smile, her hug, her love, I missed my mom. I could still hear her voice. Still feel her touch. The night before the funeral, my heart was so heavy the constant remarks from my sisters , wishing they had been there , and watching them feel so guilty, was starting to affect me. I was the strong one. I had to be. They all needed me .I remember sitting on my bed. It felt like knots were inside my stomach. I hurt so much. I saw all of our pain, our hurts and regrets, I knew we needed God more than ever to get us all through this.
I cried unto God, for a scripture, or something that would help us. I searched through Psalms, and other chapters, but none gave me any comfort, or any answers that we needed. I closed my swollen eyes, and that's when it happened . I saw Jesus.......................Not in my room, but like a picture in my mind. I don't remember his face. I just knew it was him. He was walking by and a girl ran up to him screaming. "If you had been here my brother would not have died" I jumped up, and knew those were the same words we were saying, but where did I hear them before. I ran into my office and turned on my computer and searched the words, John 11 showed up. Those same words we said, were the very same words they told Jesus!
Jesus had heard that Lazarus was sick, and was going to see him, but got delayed. When he got there one of the sisters Martha ran to him and said "If thou had of been there my brother would have not died" The first thing that happened to Jesus was blame was being put on him. and like we were feeling. We needed to blame ourselves or blame someone. If we had only been there. Then Jesus wept. Jesus felt the hurt. He loved Lazarus.. He loved the sisters. He knew they were blaming themselves. He said "Thy Brother will rise Again" I felt comfort. I knew my Mom would rise again. As Jesus told Lazarus to come forth, when the trumpet sounds then Mom will come forth when the dead in Christ shall rise. A supernatural peace flooded my mind , and my pain was lightened so much to know that God heard my cry that night and sent me a very familiar story, that was revealed to me in a way I never had thought about it before.
Did you know that when you need it the most, God will show you something in his word to comfort you. It could be a bible story you have heard for years, or a scripture that you read for the first time, that will give you the answers you are seeking.
I give God all the glory, and praise for helping me through the death of my Mother. I pray this helps, someone who might have regrets, or maybe someone who feels guilty about the death of a loved one. Call on him, he will draw near to you, as he drew near to me.