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When A Loved One Dies

Updated on March 2, 2010

Crossover

A Bridge
A Bridge

How I Coped

Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.  ~Socrates

Death can be sudden and unexpected, or it can be painfully slow. Either way, it happens, it's traumatic and life changing.

The first death i experienced was that of my brother, who took his own life at age twenty three. He had suffered a nervous breakdown and was being treated for many years, under the care of our country's top so called best doctors. The day it happened, we had just winded a family reunion at our home. When everyone had left, we remembered our sick brother. Suddenly, there was a loud scream. We were forwarned about this possibility. My dear and precious brother had ended his life. The next scene i was looking at, like a bad movie was my father sobbing while he held brothers lifeless body. For me, it was still unreal. I was 17 years old, preparing for my grand debut. I was thinking happy thoughts, not gloom, not death. As events continued to unfold, i got more confused. I was too naive, to process what was happening. I felt my body shiver and convulse, before throwing up. My mom was away, and everyone in our home were all too distracted to help me. How i needed someone so badly to comfort me and make me understand things. But, it would not come. Our family would mourn for a long time and never fully recover. My debut had to be cancelled as it was bad timing. Whatever conflict my parents were having had worsened after my brothers untimely demise. They would eventually separate.

My mom passed away at age 84. My sister died of leukemia at age 50, my husband of 28 years, died from cancer of the liver, at age 56. When mom died, the family knew she would go quietly, and that she did. She was a woman of great faith, it was a joy to watch her despite her weakening. She left us on Easter, as if to symbolize her new beginning in eternity. We were comforted by the fact that she had gone home to be with her Lord, who she loved so much. But, all this didn't remove the pain we her children felt. I especially missed her, I cried everyday whenever i passed her room where she stayed in our home. I missed her smile, her daily greetings, our mealtimes.

My husband battled with cancer for 2 years. I stayed by his side, praying and hoping he would recover. He was young and he loved life. But, the day the doctors came to give us the bad news that all hope was gone, we were stunned. How can that be? There must be some other treatment we can go for. My daughter and i felt completely helpless. But, the dying knows when it's time to say goodbye. My husband asked the family to gather, wanting to speak to each member, privately. Some refused, not wanting to accept the inevitable. Others were stronger.

Death is not a choice. It will happen. No one is ever really prepared to deal with the different emotions it brings. I have felt deep sadness, anger, confusion, being displaced, and that of regret. There are still times when i think, what if, should i have, why didn't i? I still wonder, why did they go so young? There will be questions with no answers. We find comfort in believing that God knows the beginning and the end. It helps when we have a community that will be with us during our times of loss and heartache.

Circle of Life

These were written by my husband when his wife of 12 years passed away.
These were written by my husband when his wife of 12 years passed away.

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    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      7 years ago from Hawaii

      Thank you C Bless. It is always a sad and difficult time when a loved one goes ahead of us.

    • C-Bless profile image

      C-Bless 

      7 years ago from Canada

      A loved one went on to meet her Lord 4 months ago, and I'm still sad about it. I agree with you when you say that the dying know when the time is near. It's those of us left behind who sometimes resist to let them go. You have persevered well during these times. Your message will be of great commfort to many others. Thank you for sharing.

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Painful is right Rebu. Thanks for coming by

    • rebu profile image

      rebu 

      8 years ago from Coorg,India

      Ya the death of loved ones are very painful..yup i cant even imagine it.

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thank you Michael!

    • Michael Shane profile image

      Michael Shane 

      8 years ago from Gadsden, Alabama

      You are a very strong person! This was an inspiring hub of your strength! Loved the photo too!

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thank you mayhmong. I appreciate your kind words. Here'a a hug back.

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 

      8 years ago from North Carolina

      Thank you for stopping by my hub. I'm glad to hear your side of the story. You are one brave soul to have dealt with so many of your loved ones death. May God bless you. (((HUGS)))

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      9 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks KCC for the hug.

    • KCC Big Country profile image

      KRC 

      9 years ago from Central Texas

      Thank you for sharing your story. We do have a choice about how we handle death and it seems you have handled it quite beautifully. *hug*

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      9 years ago from Hawaii

      Yes, keeping busy and giving it time will help us heal. Thank you for your comment. I think cancer is really terrible.

    • review909 profile image

      review909 

      9 years ago from USA

      loosing a loved one is really hard. i experienced that too, when my sister died two of cancer years ago. and i was at her side until her last breath. i just kept myself busy after that. it helps relieve the feeling..

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