ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

When You Leave A Church

Updated on August 9, 2010
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer and teacher. Her goal is to help people to transform their lives from the inside out. Live your best life now.

I stared out the passenger window, arms crossed rigidly, jaw clenched, willing the tears to keep their place inside my eyes. Rebellious, one slipped free, sliding silently down my face. I pursed my lips tighter, ordering the others to stay in place.

"Don't go causing a scene."

I didn't look over at my husband. I stared stubbornly out the side window, as the single tear urged his friends to join him on my cheeks. Silently one slid down, followed by more. I prayed silently for strength. For a shred of dignity. For peace and forgiveness to fill my crushed, empty heart.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I mustered enough courage and gaiety to lead the kids into our new church. At the door, we were greeted by an army of smiling strangers, welcoming us with a warm handshake, and a firm clap on the back. I breathed slowly and deeply, afraid to let any emotion escape. I plastered the largest smile on my face, teeth bared in a menacing grin.

Making our way down strange hallways, searching for the appropriate Sunday School class for each child, signing them in, introducing ourselves. The need for some formality and order allowed us to communicate without talking. After the youngest child was deposited in the nursery, we suddenly had no protective barrier of children between us.

"I'll go find us seats. Go wash your face, and try to look happy. And lose that stupid smile."

He headed toward the sanctuary, boisterously greeting a few people and loudly introducing himself to the pastor.

Strains of worship music drifted into the hallway, the familiar strains of "Angus Dei", causing my eyes to fill again with tears. I walked quickly into the bathroom, and hid in the last stall. As the music grew louder in the sancturary, I began to freely weep.

"Lord, why have you abandoned me? Why did you bring me here now, with no friends, no one to turn to and no support?" I sobbed uncontrollably, near hysterical. I never felt more alone in my life, than I did at that moment.

And quietly, between my sobs, I heard a small voice, "I am here."

At first I ignored the gentle admonishment. As my crying slowed in intensity and volume I could hear the soft sound inside my head, of a gently reassuring voice. "I am here. I will never leave you or forsake you."

As I scrubbed my face with hot water, I realized that there is one body, and we all worship God. Ultimately, the friendships, bible studies, worship, all of it is for the purpose of glorifying God.

I realized that it isn't about me.

1 Corinthians 12:13 "For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body- whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free- and we were all given the one Spirit to drink." (NIV)

Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood, and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are members of one body." (NIV)

There are many reasons to leave a church.

The church grows in a direction you dislike. The pastor is called to serve elsewhere. The worship leader leaves to make an album, and start a band.

Maybe your family changes and the old church family no longer fits, for whatever reason. Divorce, kids growing up, fleeing from accountability...

Regardless of why you leave, separating from a church body is painful. Following is a list of things you can expect to be different once you make a move.

1. You may not be invited to participate in bible studies and small groups. Although they have been your friends for years, once you leave their church, they pull away too. If you attend church somewhere else, it is a good opportunity to get plugged in to new groups and meet your "new family". If you aren't attending church, you may have to look harder for a place to grow.

2. Your friends will not call so often. This hurts, but is an extension of protection. They want to disassociate from you. If you left a church on bad terms, they do not want to get dragged into the drama. If you left on good terms, they may feel weird about still being friends. Although we are all one body, there is often an unspoken segregation among different types of churches.

3. You can no longer receive counsel from the pastor. Again, a painful but necessary separation. If you left on bad terms, you probably don't want his counsel anyway. Even if the parting was agreeable, he may want you to seek your spiritual sustenance elsewhere.

The point is that we should all seek support from God.

After getting kicked out of our first church (what I really mean to say is, after getting kicked out of a church the first time), I felt isolated, guilty and lonely. Although our reason for leaving was not my fault, I still carried the stigma of shame around. I finally realized that God did not judge me. He loves me regardless of what my husband or kids or friends think.

We are all one body. One body of people worshipping the infinite, powerful, loving Creator. Let us not forget the message of love and forgiveness.

Let us leave the confines of a building, of rules and regulations, and with one voice,

PRAISE GOD.


working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)