Why Don't I Believe in the All-Mighty?

I live in a small community; the population of the whole county is less than 20,000 people. The majority of the people around here claim to believe in some god above us and claim to be Christians. If I tell someone that I am not religious and I don't believe in any gods, I'll get a funny look at the very least. They'll probably start telling me how I am wrong and try to convince me to come to church with them. They think that I am uneducated; they believe that I am a destructive person. I have many reasons why I don't participate in a religion, but being a mean person isn't one of them.

When I was about five years old, I had an imaginary friend whose name was Shadow. At the time, I was an only child, so I would play with and talk to Shadow. I understood that Shadow didn't exist, but I created him to stimulate my mind and give me someone to talk to, besides my parents. Shadow didn't have a smell, he didn't have a taste, I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear him, and I couldn't touch him. To me, that means he wasn't real. I found a few friends that replaced Shadow, and he became a silly memory after that.
I do not believe in a god up above for those same reasons. My five senses won't allow it. It doesn't make sense to believe in heaven, hell, the devil, or god. I cannot smell, taste, see, hear, or touch them.

As a human being living in 2019, I see a lot of fascinating things. We have advanced technology, advanced medicine, advanced science, and more. Even with all of the knowledge, there are still some things that remain impossible. Humans cannot walk on water because the force of gravity overcomes the surface tension of water, causing us to sink. The bible states how Jesus walked on water and parted the red sea. Unless there were witches and wizards around, that is impossible.
If I have one piece of bread and one piece of bologna, I can't give four children a whole sandwich each to fill their tummies. It's just not physically possible, and I am not a magician. According to the bible, Jesus took a loaf of bread and one fish and fed hundreds of people.
I am a lover of nature and spend a lot of time outdoors observing plants and animals. Unfortunately, the plants and animals haven't ever spoken to me. There is also a story in the bible about a bush that's on fire, and it talks.
That is incredibly far-fetched; all of those stories are too far-fetched for me to see any truth inside of them.

In my eyes, religion seems to contradict itself, and everyone is a hypocrite. When someone is sick, hurt, or dying, you see and hear people saying, "We're praying for you, our God is great, and so-and-so will be ok.", or "I have faith that the Lord will heal so-and-so.", or "Look to Jesus for strength, he will take care of you." I dealt with people saying these things when my father passed away. At first, when my father was brain dead and living on life support, people were saying "Everything's going to be ok, he'll come out of it, god will make him ok again." My father didn't come out of it, and then people were saying, "Prayers. God has a plan for everything, and he will instill strength inside of you." One minute this god is going to heal my father, and the next minute this god took my father away because he knows best. It feels like people of the Christian faith are just going through the motions.

Then, there are all the hypocritical aspects of the Christian religion. The people going to church every Sunday are the same people who are cheating on their spouses, talking down to the poor, and overeating at the dinner table every night.

When I was 14 years old, I tagged along with one of my friends and started going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church. I wanted to fit in and tried very hard to conform to the rules of only wearing skirts, no makeup, no hair cutting, and church four out of seven days a week. During my six-month attendance at the Pentecostal church, I learned several things, including:

• The people of the church were some of the most judgemental people I had ever encountered in my life.
• The pastor and his family thought they were above everyone.
• The place was more like a cult than a religious organization.

I'm not willing to be apart of an organization that claims to be one thing but is something else entirely.

I used to try and believe in a god above us, someone that could make things better. I remember praying and begging for this god to make my parents stop fighting. When I was in an abusive relationship, I asked god to stop the man from hurting me. Then, my dad died, and I pleaded for this god up above me to not let that happen. Nothing ever changed for me, and my life never improved. I don't understand how if there is a god, then why does he sit back and watch people suffer? Why doesn't he intervene? Why would he place human beings on earth to worship at his feet and nothing else? In my opinion, that is selfish. It's also senseless, and I can't wrap my mind around that.

I make my fair share of mistakes, and I am not perfect by any means. But, I don't claim to be anything that I am not. I am honest, caring, loving, irritable, jealous, and sometimes lazy. I am not better than anyone else, nor is anyone better than me. I don't believe in god, and I don't practice religion because it goes against my morals. To me, it feels wrong, and it feels fake. Do I hate Christians? No. Am I mean to people that do believe? No, I am not. Everyone is free to think and act as they choose. You don't have to be a Christian to be a decent person; you don't have to be anything.