Why Do I Believe In God?
Believing in God has come pretty simple to me. The challange I face on the constant is trying to make sure I live a life walking out my trust in God. I have to continue to remind myself of God's promises that he has made me wittness to- and God causes them to rise up in my heart.
I always have believed in God- it came natural to me as a child and I never even wanted to question it. As I grew older I noticed that I didn't know enough about God and I had a lot of life's problems trying to overwelm me constantly. I did not know love- even though my Grandmother loved me- her love alone could never heal the pain and the depression I was feeling. I truly felt all alone.
I just knew something needed to change because all the problems and nights filled with tears, sorrow and regret needed to stop. I felt as though I was dying and no one could hear my cries for help or even cared if I lived or died.
What caused me to believe God and want to follow Jesus? My story does not include getting beat over the head with the bible- God doesn't work that way.
I was raised in a church but this church is not responsible for my trust,faith, wisdom and revelation I have from God. So my faith isn't in a church at all. Following God, and trusting God isn't the easiest thing to do- and no one is ever perfected over night.
It wasn't in any church because I didn't find God in church as a child. I still knew nothing about the God I believed in and I had never experienced God's power, peace, healing or even recognized the voice of God as of yet.
I had already went through enough hell to cause deep emotional pain. Here's a brief list even though I do not like sharing about these traumas. I was raped, molested and by 3 different adults with in an 8 yr period- these are at the top on the list of my childhood horrors. On top of that constantly being harassed as a child.
I knew what it was like to not have many or any friends at all. I learned how much pain is gained from rejection- along with abandonment by both parents. For me to still have an unshaken belief in God and Jesus seems to be a gift from God.
I received Jesus as my Lord at 19 yrs old and I also received His Holy Spirit. Someone in front of a pizza shop that I had known for a little bit led me to God with the scripture Romans 10:9-10 and He prayed for me to be filled with the Holy Spirit in Jesus name. This event is where my life began to change.
No one said I was going to hell, or that I was a bad person. I was told of how God loved me and Jesus died for me and ask if I wanted God's free gift of Salvation in Jesus. I did what Romans 10:9-10 said. The simple message of Jesus I hadn't heard told in this way- I didn't know anything about the power of God or the name of Jesus.
I wasn't in any type of fear when I accepted and choose Jesus Christ by believing in his death& resurrection. I for sure needed more out of my life but I wasn't even thinking about this either. I didn't know that from this day forward God would chase me.
I had always drawn away from anything that went against God- even though it was not because I knew what was wrong with the fasle religions- but I would get this feeling and back away from anything that seemed to push me away or I was pulled away from it. I can't describe it- later it now appears as if it was guidance and protection from God.
God started chasing me as to say- God was always on my mind. The scriptures kept coming up to my memory.
I started going to bible study. I learned so fast- it even amazed me. I learned more in one year than my whole life in that church that I was raised in.
Years after this God even kept me awake sometimes and all the scriptures would keep going through my mind that I had been studying & God started connecting them all. The bible really was alive and the whole thing connects- it seemed like everything I would study would take me to Jesus -all the way to the book of Revelation.
I do not just follow the word of God without God leading me, teaching me, - The almighty God- my God isn't a silent God that hides in mystery or confusion. God does reveal himself to us in degrees and levels. As we gain more wisdom, knowledge and learn the true reason for obedience. We must remain humble- not leaning unto our own understanding and remain teachable of God. God takes us deeper and deeper into him if we will follow his gentle leading and calling.
This was the first time I had ever felt peace in my life. I was learning about the promises of God and about how Jesus came to deliver and set people free. I was told what the bible said on praying in Jesus name and about God's Holy Spirit and how God leads us.
God was answering my prayers, he actually was healing my heart- that deep wounded feeling people get after going through difficult times, trials and tribulations of life. I was healed from everyday headaches, back pain from a car accident, blood disease, heart condition- this was serious to me God healed me! The doctors could not help! I could feel his presence like tingling/ heat- his spirit would surge through me over and over in waves as I would read the bible ,study it, and pray.
My story of why I believe in God and How God revealed himself does not include that all of a sudden I was perfected and did no wrong. It was a struggle at times to obey God and I fell away- not because I didn't believe. Because I was put under so much pressure- along with temptations to do stuff that could ruin anyone's life. I became so torn on sin and at the same time that I so strongly desired to follow God. I wanted to learn how have that peace back that I only had when seeking, listening and obeying God.
I have found out it is a process that God takes us through. Every time I fell and wanted to run away from God. Because I felt so horrible because I really wanted to do good, but I kept screwing up. Not be perfect but a whole lot better than where I was at. I never doubted God or His love- I just needed more knowledge & revelation. I was still learning how to trust God and to go to him when I was being pulled away- instead of running away feeling guilty & condemned.
Everytime I messed up big time I would be humbled greatly because I was flat on my face miserable. I could not stand the feeling of walking out of God's anointing- which comes from listening to God so I could be safe. I didn't like the no peace feeling either.
I had to keep going back to God and ask for forgiveness and be willing to get up again and again- allowing God to get me up and teach me some more. A lot of trial and error happened as I grew in my knowledge and wisdom in God. And I am still learning more after 15yrs.
Learning how to forgive others is important- but we have to forgive ourselves too. God had a lot of mercy on me as I was learning. It is hard to go through being changed by God because I was so tempted to do and think like I did before I had God in my life. It is a challenge to strive against sin - we are given many opportunities each day to sin.
The point in trusting and obeying God is the safety we have in return. Satan's inflictions, darkness, a cursed miserable life can not stay if I obey God- this is what I learned. Each time I got up from being knocked down and seemly defeated- God would come and turn it into training - So I could get stronger and stronger in resisting those things that will harm me, set me up and steal my peace. As long as I stayed close to God everything is left in God's hands- if I would walk out and disobey and do wrong- than I would get weaker. I had to learn what issues in my life were sin to God. How satan was using these problem areas to come in and take my peace. I had to learn what God wanted me to do and how to ask God for help and trust him.
So like I said I fell and got back up- each time stronger.
I kept getting a desire to tell people of Jesus- I could not stop thinking about this. I was a shy person and I didn't enjoy talking to strangers. I went and ask about how to lead someone to Jesus. From that I started a street ministry all by myself with God leading me. I did street ministry for the first 3 years after I accepted Jesus as my Lord. I know God is the one that led me into doing this. I would pray and ask God to lead and guide me to who he wanted me to talk to in Jesus name- and I would listen and God would lead me.
I was learning how to listen to God and know his voice. I was taught to be led by my peace- and this means that peace that I told you I received when I was filled with God's Holy Spirit- while accepting Jesus as my Lord. I was like on fire for God and in His peace. It did not matter how tired,or if I felt ill - when I started out to do street ministry- once I prayed and I did as God lead me to do- I would be awake and feeling fine.
God would and does lead and guide me to people. I stop when God would make a person's picture/ image that I just drove by- stick in my head. Or God would tell me to look at whatever direction and or draw my attention to a person or group and say go talk to them.God had led me to a man that was about to go home and commit suicide, another man was about to step into a bar and pull out a gun in revenge-that would of changed his life forever.
I listened to God and stopped to talk to them- I would say the scriptures that God would make me to remember and whatever else I was to tell them. Many people would ask things like "how did you know that"? or other things that would line up to the message I gave them. See God is awesome and everything he does makes me trust him more.
God intervened by me asking him to lead me and I was willing- this sure did change these two men's lives forever!. I could never stop believing in God and How because of Jesus I can be healed and even able to pray for others and Jesus heals them too- along with deliverance from many other things.
Over 1,000 people had accepted Jesus as their Lord during these 3 years- I ended up learning a lot about spiritual warfare, sin makes a person fall away from God, I learned so much in what I thought was trial and error- but I was leaning my most important lessons during these hard times.
I learned how faithful God is-even if I fall and mess up huge! God never would leave me- all I had to do is go back and seek his face in prayer and ask to be forgiven and restored in Jesus name.Whatever I had done to break fellowship with God was forgiven, restored and God would lead me again. My life would get better and better when I was making sure to honor God the best that I could. Even though I didn't get better all at once, I was improving and it was because I was clinging to God and trying to learn more.
This has not been the easiest thing I have done in my life- But it is worth all the trouble I have went through- the lessons learned- wisdom gained. Anything in life worth going after will and does take a fight.You and I will come up against oppositions and challenges along the way.So this is the hardest fight and challenge of my life & God has proven himself faithful to me. And will with others that will seek to obey God and have a relationship with him through accepting the free gift of salvation in Jesus and God's very spirit will dwell in you and lead you.
This is how I am stronger now than before- God took me through and taught me about his ways so I never have to return to that state of misery. It is not as though I stopped having problems- I have learned to rise above my problems with and by trusting in God.God has always came through for me. I am not saying with God there is a magic genie type relationship that comes with no price to be paid. It will cost you something- You will learn to follow God and not this world.
Through this changing process God has taken me through and I am still being taught all the time- will bring tears of all sorts. I cried many times,even felt sorry for myself, I was angry too. I would get angry sometimes when God would take me to the next area in my life that he wanted me to go after freedom in. You know I couldn't stop from having feelings or emotions in the middle of me wanting to do something for God- what he called me to do. It is an uncomfortable feeling to learn a different way to live- and not live by emotions, feelings and evil desires. It takes a person seeking God to be able to have total freedom and deliverance.
God taught me how to be strong in the power of strength of Him and not my own will. I went through struggles as I choose to listen God -verses doing something sinful & dangerous. Trusting God's way is better and he desires to do good to me. God has a plan and path for me- this way will and does lead to life- peace & victory.
Now the way of life not trusting, obeying God has done nothing but cause me trouble. I like how following God -allows God to step in and bless, protect, and lead me through my life. God truly wants to give us the desires of our heart.
God is so awesome to me and leads me- it is much harder to change for the better than to stay the same. God wants to change us so he can use us. Only God's love, grace, & mercy is the only reason I am here. If it was not for God I would not have become an overcomer in my life- God sustains anyone that will take the time and seek him and accept Jesus- the one who died so we can really know God. I was healed by God!
I strive to obey God because I love God- God has done good to me.
I believe and trust God because he has proven himself faithful to me. Even when I was unfaithful in obeying God's loving, gentle guidance. His mercy and grace are so important to me because without it I would of never gotten close to God because of my imperfections & failures. Jesus is the reason my imperfections & mistakes didn't stop our loving God from answering me. This is God's love- no matter how bad I have sinned and dishonored God, He still loves me and accepts me.
This love is what made me willing to get up over and over until I got better, stronger and wiser - it is because of God's love that he showed to me.God seeked me out and I accepted the gift of eternal life in Jesus- that is love to seek me out even when I was living a life that had nothing to do with God. I didn't even care if I was honoring him or not- And I didn't know if I was or not. If I had never chose to try in every way to honor God with my life- than I could never of expected to have a relationship with God,- or to know his ways, to have God heal and restore me.
God will do the same for you if you so desire to know your creator and his plan for you. Life here isn't easy but God has promised to be with us every step of the way and eternal life for those who will trust in Jesus.
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