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You Are Not a Failure If Things Don't Work Out

Updated on August 24, 2015
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More often than not we beat ourselves up if things don’t work out. It has been said that we are our own worst critic. Perhaps we got all hyped up for that job interview, but soon fall into despair when we learn the job was given to someone else. We may take the decision that was made personally and feel like a failure because we weren’t chosen for the position.

“Why wasn’t I chosen? I have the required experience. I know I am a good fit.”

We may never learn the reason the employer went with someone else. Perhaps they were looking for a certain element that you did not possess. It is important to understand that there are other companies that will recognize and appreciate your talents. Just because one employer didn’t recognize it doesn’t mean the next one will not value it.

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When Relationships End

This year saw the end of my 18 year marriage. At first, I felt mixed emotions: Sadness, rejection, anger, and relief. But the negative emotions soon subsided when I realized that it is okay to let go of something that is no longer working. We both realized that we were not a good fit for one another. We saw the world differently and wanted different things in life. And we understood that trying to change the other person was not going to work out. Trying to change who you are to make the other person happy only results in unhappiness for yourself. We realized that we were better off as friends. Of course not all relationship will end with a mutual agreement from both people. Some end sour. It is important to move on and learn from the experience. If not, you may end up repeating the same mistake over and over. It is also vital to look at the relationship that we have with our self. It has been said that our first relationship begins with our self.

Is your relationship with yourself healthy? Do you love yourself? Do you enjoy hanging out with yourself? Can you look in the mirror and smile at yourself?

These are very important things to consider. If you answered “no” to any of these questions, perhaps it is time to get to know yourself and see how you can improve your relationship with yourself. Perhaps the inner child needs to be healed.

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It's Okay to Say Goodbye to an Ill-Fit Job

It is tragic to see people hold onto jobs that are detrimental to their health. If we pay attention to our body, it can let us know if the job is a good fit or not. Personally, I had to say goodbye to two jobs that weren’t a good fit. Both jobs were causing me a great deal of anxiety and stress. As soon as I pulled my car into the parking lot, I would feel sick to my stomach. Eventually, the anxiety got worse and I had great difficulty eating breakfast. I lost weight. This stress and anxiety was also affecting my personal life. I didn’t feel very motivated. Even something like writing which I love to do, took a back seat. It was sad to say the least, but believe it or not, I didn’t have the strength and energy to engage in the activity that I loved so dearly. Other people that I worked with at different companies had worse outcomes: Two managers had heart attacks, while a third manager had a stroke. I have even heard of a manager that died of a heart attack while on the job. All of these were related to job stress. What is clear is that our life is too precious to waste on jobs that are not good for our health and well-being. No amount of money in the world is worth it. Listen to your body. It knows whether a job is a good fit or not. Also pay attention to any red flags during the job interview. These could offer important clues that the job is not worth your time and energy.

You're Not A Failure! Stop Saying "I'm A Failure"

Be Kind To Yourself

Seeing the Bigger Picture

Each of us has to find our own way of seeing the bigger picture. For me, spending time in nature helps me to see things clearly. It is quite amazing that walking underneath the trees and seeing the vastness of nature makes me realize that there is more to life than our perspective. Nature can teach us to tap into the wisdom that is within all of us. Instead of beating myself up for working these ill-fitting jobs, I eventually realized that there are things in life that we have to experience. Some of these experiences can be pleasant, while others can be quite painful. Life has to be experienced:

We can’t be afraid of trying new things!

How do we know whether we like something or not if we don’t give it a fair chance? From my personal experience working these two jobs, I realized that this is not a career path that I want to pursue any longer. Another tool that we can use to help us to see the bigger picture is meditation. Meditation helps to calm the body and mind, allowing insights to come to us. Personally, I know that when I am in a stressed or agitated state that I am not in the right space to receive guidance. With this said, it is important to be in a calm state of mind. If your mind is filled with mind chatter, you will not see the bigger picture. You may also want to explore writing your thoughts down on paper. I have been amazed on several occasions that I have received guidance and insights from my own words. Writing in itself can be very therapeutic. And last but not least, talk to a supportive friend or family member. They can offer a different perspective which can help you to see clearer.



Be Kind and Loving to Yourself

I cannot state this enough. Please be kind and loving to yourself. You are not your mistakes and failings. Don't let them define you. Challenge these negative thoughts that come up. Talk to yourself as you would your best friend. You are a powerful creative being. Tap into the love that exists within you and allow it to transform the world.

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    • Terry27 profile imageAUTHOR

      Terry Fatland 

      3 years ago from Southern California

      Marie, I greatly appreciate your thoughts. Yes, I felt compelled to write this even though it was not easy while it was happening. But you're right! It has been a year of tremendous growth.

      I'm glad you got out of the banking game. It breaks my heart to hear about the person who was let go after having a heart attack. It is very sad when companies value money more than people.

      Thank you, my friend, for the beautiful wishes.

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 

      3 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Terry, You have a depth of spirit, but the experiences of this year has made you deeper and wiser, reason why you were able to write with the beautiful wisdom that you did with this hub.

      I too worked as I shared once before in the corporate world, and it was good for the first decade but afterward the environment became so stressful people were getting sick. One fellow whom we all liked and was an excellent employee had a heart attack due to stress, and the bank let him go while he was recuperating. I am glad, I quit after 23 years.

      I wish you continuing growth into a calm, joyful and abundant life.

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