Example Tarot Spread: Illuminating a Family Quarrel

Tarot is a fascinating art form. But its popularity comes with some pitfalls, because many people understand it only superficially. So, I thought I would like to help fill the gaps in other people's knowledge by describing stories of how I used tarot reading in my own life.

The reason I'm sharing my own personal stories is because it helps me connect the "abstract" or general meaning of the cards you might get in a book with the specific meaning the card's symbolic references create when talking about specific things in my life I'm familiar with.

In this 9-card spread, I lay them out like the Brady Bunch family, as if this layout is for putting a whole family on trial. Because I didn't just want to know why my sisters were being like they were, but I had lots of things I wanted to know about this situation.

When other people do things we don't like, and we can't retaliate, it can make us feel powerless. This spread can help if you're having a family, work, or other social quarrel, especially if it involves multiple people and complicated feelings on all sides.

The idea here is not to decide who is "right and wrong", so much as, like with any family counseling, to arrive at greater understanding. This tarot reading should help you arrive at greater understanding of your own feelings and those of the others involved, as well as being solution-facing, thinking about the best resolution for the group, company, or family going forward.

Humans are social creatures. But conflict is a natural part of our social lives, because we're not coexisting with machines programmed to think exactly like ourselves; that would be boring! We're instead put on the Earth to mingle, to co-exist, with creatures and people, and some of them will always be very different. Don't let ego get in the way of relationships, and let what holds you together be stronger than what makes you mad at each other.

I didn't really understand the cards I got when I got them.

My sisters had been very disrespectful to my mother, and the fighting between them had driven my mother to go and stay in her car for days!

Driven from her own home, disrespected by those she had cared for, and smeared with accusations I considered horribly unfair.

As the older sister, I'm always right, of course!

But one big issue in the fight was generation gaps, so I included a card for that. I'm a millennial, my mom is gen X, and my sisters are Gen Z. I am closer in culture to gen X, and find gen Z challenging to relate to sometimes. And we were clashing over differences in expectation of what kids, or adult dependents who aren't kids but aren't out of the nest either, should be expected to do. Gen Z has it hard because of economic issues, climate change, and the rise of political extremism, but it's also easy for us older folks to see them as "brats" because they seem too addicted to technology to us. But this is just because they grew up suckling the silicon teat. We didn't. We're not superior for this accident of time.

But, the fact is that me and my sisters grew up in some ways in vastly different worlds, with vastly different expectations and beliefs.

This is why I think tarot is a good tool to use here. Like moonlight, tarot is tranquil, reflective, and able to illuminate things that are hidden. Tapping into a human code of archetypal symbols older than all living cultures today, it enables us to speak the language of the collective unconscious. This means it's a great tool for bridging gaps of understanding between individuals of different groups or with very different perspectives.

This is a 9-card reading where the cards can be laid out on a grid. This is flexible, you can add cards to certain categories, or skip ones that don't apply. I like the basic 9-card, 3x3 grid structure, with some flexibility.

The cards are:

1. Why is this happening? It can be used to explain a person's behavior, when you don't understand and it's causing a quarrel. In this example, I was asking why my sisters were behaving in a way I considered rude to my mother. And why they remained stubborn in their refusal to apologize to her for how their actions hurt her feelings.
2. The influence of person A: You can check how a person involved (in family squabbles, it's often multiple people), using as many cards as needed here. I chose to do two, which gives me a 9-card total. But you can add as many involved "side character" people as you'd like to ask about. Anyone whose influence might be part of the bigger "why" picture.
3. Person B's influence. (Add as many people as you want here.)
4. I chose the influence of our specific generation gap. My sisters are Gen Z and I'm a millennial. But you can substitute any tribal/social type of division that's most at play in the conflict, such as men vs. women, old vs. young, etc. Again, feel free to add your own cards here as needed to further illuminate the sources of tension and conflict. The goal of this reading is to bring yourself to a greater understanding of why someone hurt you, and what can be done as far as resolution.
5. Resolution - This card is the action you will need to take. What you should do.
6. Likely future situation. In my case, I was wondering if my sisters would stay with the family, or run away, because they are adults now. Your case will be different, but it will show what your likely future in this area of life will be.
7. How will I move on? I wanted to see how I would heal from this issue emotionally and how I would continue my life if they did move out, which would be very disturbing. This card is for that, what if + the thing you're afraid of, how will you handle it? Or if you get a positive card here, it may indicate that your worst fear won't happen.
8. Likely outcome/future for my mom. Just like with the people cards, you may choose to draw cards here for as many involved people as you'd like to see an ending or outcome for.
9. Consider, conclusion, summary. A card that will summarize the entire reading up to this point and leave you with the important takeaway or food for thought.

It's important to note that at first, I found this reading baffling and hard to make sense of. Because my sisters ended up doing the unexpected; they did apologize to my mom! During the actual reading, I didn't get certain cards, but because this happened, I do now, as I'll explain as I go through those cards in detail.

1. 8 of Cups: This card represents emotional withdrawal and reassessment. My sisters have simply gotten rebellious because they've grown, physically anyway, from teens into adults, which has caused them to see their relationship with my mother as limiting and confining.
2. The Ace of Cups: I was right to inquire about the influence of this person in particular, because this card indicates that they in fact are influenced by a deep emotional bond with them. They are likely inspired by this person's words because, even though I know them to be a liar, they speak those lies with emotional conviction.
3. 6 of Swords: This person is someone closer to their own age, so I'm checking out peer influence. The six of swords is associated with themes of guidance and transition. In this case, their friends are not playing a negative role at all; I think they were doing well by helping steer my sisters towards understanding that maturity means acting mature, not simply throwing a fit about wanting to be treated as mature. These friends might continue to be important in fostering their growth.
4. 8 of Wands: When it comes to generation gap issues, this card stresses willingness to engage, remaining open-minded, and understanding by finding common ground between people. When I did that both with my sisters and online with other Gen Z people, I became less judgmental and more open-minded about their "rude" behavior. (Not that I wasn't still upset with some actions, but I did come to understand them more.)
5. 10 of Cups: This card baffled me since it normally means completion and celebration. Well, I didn't know then but know now, it was telling me that they would soon apologize and peace would be restored to the household! So no action was actually needed! I just needed to back off and let things cool down!
6. 4 of Wands: This card also baffled me because it suggests harmony and peace. At the time, I thought maybe it meant they would leave and It'd simply become content in their absences. But it meant instead that they would apologize and afterwards we'd have peace at home, which this card usually heralds.
7. 2 of Pentacles: For me moving on would be a difficult choice. (Good thing it turns out I didn't have to!) This card represents a change in life and crossroads where one must make a decision, and will probably feel hurt about what is left behind, such as choosing which of two possible boyfriends to go with. This showed me that, even if I ended up on my mom's side, the thought of losing them would still make me sad.
8. 5 of Pentacles: This predicted that if they'd leave, and before the apology, mom's feelings of hurt and abandonment by them, as well as representing her missing them when they weren't talking to her.
9. Justice: This card to me seemed to be saying, the resolution will be fair. They're seeking what they consider fair. Then they learned more and learned they were wrong and apologized, so the justice I sought happened.

All in all, a very interesting reading. It was telling me to be calm, consider their POV, and that the justice I felt was needed would come without me having to do anything. It reminded me to value my sisters as relationships and to value peace in the home, as a balance against the anger I felt at their insult and perceived "brattiness".

Families don't always get along. People fight. Living together makes people fight. But while conflict is normal, abuse in a family isn't. This reading can help you illuminate a family quarrel and take steps to resolve it. Ideally this would mean, as the Justice card suggests, some resolution and compromise that feels fair, in the end, for everyone involved.