Why I Believe in the Existence of God
God and I
God Within Me
I don't care what atheists and others believe or "not believe", "I believe in Me and I believe in My God", this is the principle I had developed and abide through the years and as I continue my life's journey. Nobody else can live my life for me, I have no complaints and my life is the best that I can have for myself.
But I am not a blind believer, I know who I believe and why; I am proud to broadcast my Greatest find in this life; I feel so lucky and blessed. No one can know everything in this life; the person who called me ignorant is himself an ignorant as far as I am concerned. He can never realize that everybody is an ignorant in many ways. One is an ignorant if he judges a person according to his own measure and understanding; without knowing the individual facts of such person. Here I show my education as one valid education that this world can present; he is ignorant of what I had undertaken for he does not know me as I am and what I have.
Some Personal Background
My late second husband, Engineer Adrian Shiels, a Scot and New Zealand citizen, was well-travelled, wide-reader and a scholar; he was a hard-core Atheist. My late Dad was a Theology Professor in Mountain View College and a Church Minister of the Seventh Day Adventist Church even before I was born.
My Dad sent me to study in a Seventh Day Adventist Church School since my first grade to finish Elementary then I took High School in UCCP, (United Church of Christ in the Philippines) Pilgrim Institute, a Protestant School. After high school, instead of sending me straight to College, he sent me to (IMS) International Missionary Society of the Seventh Day Adventist Reform Movement Church, a Missionary Bible and Colporteur School in Manila, the capital City of the Philippines. I was 15 years old when he enrolled me there and I finished my study with flying colours in which I became the first youngest Certified Bible Woman when I was 19.
My University (BSBA-Economics) degree and postgraduate degrees (MBA, MAE) were in secular State Universities e.g Central Mindanao University and Mindanao State University-Iligan Institute of Technology. It was in my higher studies in these Universities where I met for the first time the shocking reality of the existence of so many non-believers, to say the least; this was the main reason why I studied Philosophy and teach in College the Four Major Philosophies and Logic.
Aside from teaching for over 20 years now, I was also exposed to various Western cultures and personalities. Being the wife of Engineer Shiels (Managing Director of the Australian Corporation for five hotels in the Philippines) and the president for the Philippine corporation that originated in Australia, I met all the 16 shareholders for our periodic business conferences. I met another shocking truth here as far as the existence of God is concerned. None of the 16 Australian-New Zealand-American-Italian citizens-shareholders was a believer; all of them were Atheists!
Our clients came from various countries in the world and among my responsibilities was to meet each of them at least for once and for the courtesy welcome. Many of the clients were also either Atheists or Agnostics. For a God-believer like me and who listens to peoples' rationality, I had learned a lot from them to ponder on. Among the results is that I don't go to any Church any more as a member and as a part of my being Godly; my godliness is a personal matter.
My Atheist husband
If it is not God's will or coincidence that brought my late husband to my life then I would believe in destiny or predestination. Adrian Shiels knew from the start that I was "religious" but he never knew what kind of a religious person I am. My late husband and I, spent the first one half of the ten years that we were together, arguing and discussing about the existence of a God until one day we just had to agree that we will end this useless arguments. I have heard almost all the reasons of any Atheist from him; the sarcasm, the mockery, the scholarly theories, the Darwinian theory, the Marxism, and all those advocates of Atheism; but I only have myself and my life to prove the existence of a God.
On his deathbed and a week before he died; he called me for a serious talk in which I sat on his bedside for almost 24 hours; standing only to prepare his meal and other things to serve him. He was a dying man at the time, having spent three straight months in the hospital for emphysema. His lungs were sick but his mind was clear. For all those talks that day, there was just one shocking statement that brought me all the wondrous feelings. He said to me, "Now, I fully believe in your God". When I asked why, he told me this long story, among others;
"I was just lying here every night since I came home from the hospital. Then it had been one week now that these things are happening to me but I never told you because you might say I am demented. You see, there are two children, a boy and a girl the age of your grand-twins, (4 years old then) who visited me every night for three nights when you were asleep. They sat on that sofa (pointing to where I was sitting) and they cooked food for me when I am hungry. They told me of a very beautiful place when I asked them where they came from. They told me of so many wonderful 'people' in the place where they lived.
Another visitors I had, were these three big men; they had been here for the last three days now, they came through that wall (pointing to the wall under the stairway at my back). They told me time and again that it's time for me to leave and they are now assigned to take me. When I asked where we were going they said that they were taking me home. Home for me is New Zealand so I asked if I can take my wife with me. They answered that my wife will follow in her own time."
Whether he was hallucinating or not, he repeated this story to me until the last day when he can no longer talk. I watched him for one hour mumbling and breathing with difficulty as he waved his hands on the air gesturing as if refusing to be taken away from me; then he "slept" peacefully to eternity.
My Agnostic Fiancée
Colin is another story that has something to do with my experiences with my God.Three years after Adrian's death, our neighbour, Colin Carroll became my fiancée. We planned to marry in England and while processing the legal documents he joined me in my own apartment. He already had cancer at that time that neither of us knew. On the second year that he lived with me I brought him to the hospital for some mysterious pain on his little toe; it was then that we discovered his fatal illness. Fourth stage cancer of the lungs that had metastases throughout his whole system.
In my prayers to my God every night, I questioned Him on my life's purpose; "why are these things happening to me?".
Colin vehemently refused to die and was trying his best to combat cancer in which we had spent around two million pesos or some 50,000 pounds (fifty thousand English pounds) for the best hospitals, expensive medicines and 14 cancer specialists doctors in his last six months. On his deathbed (again for me, and God help me!) a week before he died he said this " Jenny, I swear to your God that I will never leave you. Please ask this wish for me to your God for once."
Colin was not religious and was very open in his sarcasm to believers. He believed in "something" that works in nature but not a God. He won't tell me anything about his real stand as far as the existence of God is concerned in order to avoid arguments but his group of friends were all either Agnostics or Atheists. All of them were careful when I was around, they avoided the mention of God and religion but they were polite to me.
Colin had stopped talking clearly a day before he finally died. But before that happened he told me "Jenny, I do believe now in your God and that you are His angel." Of course I thought that his mind was not "here" any more. My experience with Adrian had taught me a lot. That day he was "talking" to his deceased Mom; when I asked him who he was addressing his speech, he answered; " Mom had been visiting me and asked me to come home with her; I refused because she won't let me take you with me."
The last whole day of his life (who knew it was his last day?) he was mumbling and fidgety, again waving his hands gesturing as if refusing to be taken away from me. He looked my way with such fearful expression, as if not believing that he would finally leave me then he "slept" peacefully to eternity.
Human beings can rationalize according to their limited human understanding, well that's how we are made, aren't we? But rationalize on the existence of God and other mysteries in this Universe that are beyond scientific explanation? We are just part of the whole Universe that is more a mystery than a scientific findings. Science can only study what is allowed for them to study for a good use and for everyone concerned.
When there was no microscope yet, Science said that the smallest particle was the dust, and further proved according to their limited tools for the day that anything cannot be seen by the naked eyes doesn't exist. Well, the tool, e.g. microscope was discovered, so the theory was changed.
Philosophy exists because Science is not perfect. Psychology study started to have a definition; study of the soul but science found out later that there was no way at the time to measure the soul in the laboratory or in any other means of Scientific investigation so they changed it into the study of human behaviour or anything other than the mysterious "soul thing".
My stand; I believe in the existence of God because I acknowledge the existence of a "mystery" that Science can never explain or study. This Universe will pass away but the "mystery" pass along with it.
Believing is a personal matter and cannot be imposed; and how dare those who have not experienced or have not the talent or capacity to see beyond anything seen by the naked eyes impose their limited knowledge to the ones who have the sight on spiritual matters.