The Quest for Salvation
My Testimony How Jesus Saved Me
There are so many significant experiences in my life that it was difficult to decide what I wanted to write about, because I have been blessed in so many ways. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but I knew I was loved by my parents. There were many painful memories from my childhood--of neglect, drug use and physical abuse. As I look back, I know there was someone Higher than myself that directed my path to keep me safe. As a teenager and a young adult, I was hurting and I hated myself. I no longer feel this way, because of something that happened in my life that gave me peace and self worth. Who I am today, is a result of my admitting that the way I was living, was not how God wanted me to live. This realization came during this significant time in my life when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. This experience that made a significant impact on my life is the one that I want to share, and I call it the “Quest”, because that is exactly what I went though to find healing and truth.
I have always been an avid reader, who loved a good book to curl up with. In 2003 when I read the synopsis of a new book that was just released called, “The Da Vinci Code”, I got excited. The book sounded like it promised to be a great read. I love historical settings or plots in books that would get interested in researching what ever the book is about. So, Dan Brown’s book was a good selection.
My love of researching history is the start of this “Quest”. I started out reading a book that was about “who Jesus Christ really was”. Coming from a Catholic upbringing, that was mostly a sometime one. I believed in Jesus, but I felt that the God I knew was a vengeful one. At that time in my life I was very susceptible to believing anything in the occult. The reason being was I practiced and believed in the esoteric and the paranormal, this was one of the ways I tried to find peace and understanding in my world. That being said, I was very cynical and believed every piece of information in the book, even knowing it was a work of fiction. Armed with all this information, had me scouring the internet and every research book I could find on—Jesus, the bible, Mary Magdalene, bible history to–the Templar’s, to Constantine the Great. It became an obsession.
What I found in my research was that most of the facts in the book was taken from the book, “Holy Grail, Holy Blood”, which I also read, along with other books and articles. This took me deeper into esoteric views and principals. Another resource I found myself reading was the Holy Bible. The reason why I started reading the bible was to gather more research. Little did I know how much this would impact the rest of my life.
While reading the bible, I started questioning what I thought I believed about Jesus and God. First of all, I thought Jesus was just an ordinary man that did miracles and died on the cross. In the material I found in esoteric genre, it mentioned that Jesus was a human man that survived the crucifixion and was secretly taken out of the tomb by His followers and they hid him while he recovered. Also, after he recovered he lived His life and fathered a child with Mary Magdalene. There were so many questions I needed answers to like—Who was Jesus? What does God have to do with Jesus? Is there a God? Essentially I was asking, “Is there a Higher Power guiding me?” “Who will love me?” “Who can help to stop the hurt and fear?” This I learned when I bought a bible and told myself, “why not read the bible and see if there is any truth to what the esoteric and Gnostic experts say about Jesus?” I never knew what His death meant or the significance of His sacrifice. I did not understand the relationship between God the Father to Jesus the Son. I read a passage in the bible that said:
“For He chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise for his glorious grace which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.” (Holy Bible, Eph. 1.4-8)
The emotions I had when I read this, was peace, hope and safety—and so much more. Here was the answer to my questions. The more I read for research in the bible, the more I felt a weight lifting from my heart. I continued to read, and I felt God telling me, “You are not alone.” In all my search for peace and meaning in my life, God was there telling me every day, “I am here, and I will never leave you. I’ve been here, but you never asked.” I learned that what I wanted was unconditional love from my Heavenly Father, which I never had here on earth. I also, learned that God loved me so much, that He sent His only beloved Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins, so that I can have everlasting life. So, on February 23, 2004 I accepted Jesus into my life. I thank God everyday that I am not who I was instead I am a new person.
As I look back, I never thought that a book of fiction, that condemned God and His Son Jesus, would ever bring me to the feet of the One they were trying to condemn. I mentioned earlier that I know now, that God has been with me always. This whole experience has only made me more of a believer in Jesus Christ, because it also says in the bible: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Holy Bible, Gen. 50.20). These words from the bible reflect how I feel when I think about how God used something like “The Da Vinci Code” to bring me to His feet. He used my love of history and research, to keep me digging until I found my way to His Word, the bible. From the very first time I read a verse, I started to heal and to forgive. This significant experience will be part of my life and my children’s lives, because I have passed on to my children the love of Jesus. This is so they and their children will not have to face life as I did alone and afraid, because they are not alone with Christ Jesus in their lives.