Why Going No Contact is Biblical
Jim keeps showing up drunk at family gatherings, despite many warnings from his parents that they will cut off their support.
Mary keeps stealing money and items from other people to get money to feed her drug habit, despite warnings that she could be turned in to the police and charged with theft.
Lazy John manipulates his parents into letting him mooch off of them, even though he has repeatedly been told to get a job and move out.
Jane knows all the ways she can guilt people into giving her money. She keeps trying even after many people said no.
Steve is a pathological liar who will say just about anything to cover his crimes. His parents confronted him several times about his lying, but he continues to evade responsibility through denial and blaming others.
Sheila is an entitled golden child who expects the world to give her what she wants. She demands that everyone to give her money when her business ventures fail and her gambling debts are out of control.
Our toxic family members refuse to stop destructive criticism and putdowns directed against us, even though we asked them to stop multiple times. They continue to put us down and destroy our self-esteem.
These are some examples of people who ignore boundaries, refuse to admit they are wrong, manipulate to get what they want, and continue harmful behavior. We tried to curb their words and actions such as:
- Overlooking their offenses, showing mercy to them
- Confronting them and asking them to stop
- Sharing how their actions hurt and angered us
- Setting boundaries and consequences for breaking them
- Trying to enforce consequences that offenders ignored or evaded
- Gave them many chances to admit their faults and change
- Cut off financial and other types of support
What the Bible Teaches
Is there a time for Christians to go no contact? Yes.
Unfortunately, some Christians think that forgiveness means they must continue to tolerate bad behavior and abuse. Some also think that going no contact is unbiblical.
The opposite is true. The Bible teaches us to avoid people who are harmful and lead us away from living according to our faith. We should have nothing to do with them. We should warn them like a brother, not an enemy, that we will not fellowship with them (2 Thessalonians 3:14, 2 Timothy 3:1-9).
3 Signs God is Telling You to Give Up on Someone
Signs We Need to Go No Contact
So, how do we know it is time to end relationships? Here are some issues that must be addressed, and potential solutions.
Mind Games
Offenders will manipulate and gaslight us to escape accountability. They want us to believe we are crazy for questioning them. They shrug off our concerns by minimizing their actions. “It’s not that big a deal,” they say. "You're being dramatic."
Some offenders use a sense of obligation to get what they want, especially if they are related to us. They will say:
“Family helps family.”
“We raised you, so you owe us.”
"How dare you refuse to help us financially after all we have done for you."
Others use guilt. For example, some parents feel shame over past transgressions such as addiction, neglect, or other types of dysfunction. Their adult children take advantage of their shame, using their parents’ past sins to manipulate their parents into giving them what they want.
Going no contact helps us restore our mental health. Support from friends and family is also needed to encourage and advise us during this difficult time. Going no contact also sends a clear message that we are not going to tolerate the offender's behavior.
Refuse to Admit They Were Wrong
Many offenders are skilled at evading responsibility for their actions. They go into full denial mode. What they do is always someone else’s fault. Since they did nothing wrong in their own eyes, they will never apologize or offer to make amends.
Continue Harmful Behavior
Boundaries – What’s that? We keep setting them, and they keep breaking them. Offenders often assume that we will bail them out of jail, cover a gambling debt, or fund their latest hairbrained schemes.
We may have overlooked their offenses in the past, but we must be willing to follow through with consequences if nothing changes.
Refuses to Change
Some people are determined to go their own way. They will call evil good and good evil, put darkness for light and light for darkness, and put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter (Isaiah 5:20).
Offenders often fail to listen to us and may defend their actions when challenged. Unfortunately, we cannot change other people. However, we can influence them by being good examples of Christian behavior going forward.
Offenders Associate With Harmful People
Hanging around with offenders can be harmful. They may associate with dangerous individuals who are constantly getting into trouble. Bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33). For example, if we are around when they are robbing a store, we could get into trouble, even though we are innocent of wrongdoing.
They Try To Lure Us Away From The Faith
Jesus told His disciples to go out into the world and preach the gospel and told them how to respond to people’s reactions. If homes were deserving, the disciples's peace would rest on it. If not, Jesus instructed that the disciples to leave the home and shake the dust off their feet (Matthew 10:14, 28:16-20, Mark 16:15-20).
The symbolic act of shaking the dust off their feet means much more than it seems. The practice comes from Jewish tradition. When the Jews returned to Israel from gentile lands, they shook the dust off their feet. They did so to avoid defiling Israel with pagan soil. In the same way, we must free ourselves of harmful influences.
Next Steps
Ultimately, it is God’s will that we live in peace and harmony with others. However, some people are evil and harmful. They refuse to change, no matter what we do.
The Bible says that we must not associate with those who are sexually immoral, greedy, idolaters, slanderers, drunkards, swindlers, disruptive, and do not live according to Christian teachings. We must not even eat with these people and keep away from them, even if they claim to be believers (1 Corinthians 5:11-13).
If we do continue in relationships, we may be led away from the faith. God wants us to stay away from false teachers who preach another gospel.
Is No Contact Permanent?
Not necessarily. There is always a chance that individuals will change. Time will reveal fruits such as repentance, sorrow, and a willingness to do whatever is necessary to restore the relationship. These actions may include making amends, attending substance abuse recovery meetings, repaying debts, and being willing to be held accountable.
It is not easy to rebuild trust. Offenders have a lot to prove before we can consider them trustworthy. It takes time to demonstrate that we can rely on them. Some people may never be able to restore it.
Deciding to go no contact is a difficult decision to make, especially if it involves people we love. However, we must protect ourselves and others from harmful individuals who hurt us again and again.
Reference
The Holy Bible, New International Version
© 2025 Carola Finch