2015 Hell in a Cell Predictions.
Ziggler, Neville, and Cesaro vs. Rusev, King Barrett, and Sheamus.
Winner- Team ZNC.
No? We're not doing that?
Ziggler, Neville, and Cesaro.
Rusev is dead in the water.
Like we said he would be six months ago.
He got fed to Cena, he lost his title, he got hurt, he lost his girlfriend, and then people found out he proposed to his girlfriend.
There's a lot of heat, he's going nowhere fast.
It's okay though, because when he gets there, he won't be alone.
He'll be with the leader of the Ne-, I mean the Cor-, I mean Barrett Bar-, I mean Bad Ne-, I mean King Ba-, I mean Inter-oh you get it, the man who gets over with gimmick after gimmick after gimmick only to be relegated to the "Arrow" match.
Sheamus has that magical "briefcase" heat, meaning he never has to win another match as long as he eventually becomes the most boring champion of all time.
Brock Lesnar, you are not, guy-who-spells-seamus-wrong.
The faces win and oh my god, wouldn't it be amazing if Cesaro and Ziggler feuded???
JOHN CENA OPEN CHALLENGE.
Winner- Tyler Breeze.
This is a fun match, because there's almost a 100% chance that John Cena will lose.
Now... It's highly unlikely that he'll lose clean, but he's still going to lose.
This is a unique match because... Well...
We don't know who he's facing...
What a unique concept, building a match without hyping it or selling it at all... and yet it's the one I'm most excited for.
Here are the possibilities in my eyes, in order of least likely to most likely.
The very least likely-
Hey, a girl can dream.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Rumor has it that Rocky is coming back for a short stint while Cena is away, and what better way than to have him shock the world and win the U.S. Title!!!
However... I have a really hard time imagining that WWE would have the Rock wrestle without promoting the living hell out of it. A pop is nice, but that's not what pays the bills.
All three of these men have competed with Cena for the U.S. title at some point in recent memory, and honestly, I think Ziggler's earned it. Any of these three men are appropriately placed on the card to proudly wear the title but...
They have a match.
Sure, it's the pre-show match, and two of these men (you know which) are in good enough shape to wrestle twice, but...
He's not Seth Rollins.
Vince actually cares how Cena looks.
They're not going to have him lose to someone who would be exhausted from an earlier match.
Anyone from "The New Day".
They had that really weird mini-feud a couple weeks back, including attempts by Big E and Xavier to actually win the gold.
Kofi is conspicuous by his absence.
Why not give him a shot?
However... They do have a match with the Dudleyz.
And unless Xavier is going to be the legal man, letting Kofi try... I don't see it.
Alberto Del Rio.
Hey, he's supposed to be back any day now.
And think about it, there's a storyline to be had.
He could "break Cena's arm" with that... whatever that submission was called.
People would be excited to see him as is because he's been gone for so long, and he'd be face automatically because... well... Cena.
This would be ah-ma-zing.
"YOU WANT SOME, COME GET SOME"
Finn is undefeated as "the demon", and if we're being honest... he's not getting any younger.
He could come out, stun the world, and then drop the NXT title to Apollo Crews at some point.
Hell, in 2k16, when selecting a match, the picture used for "Hell in a Cell"... is the demon, Finn Balor.
However, he does still have the feud with Crews, and he's laid the groundwork for a little program with Samoa Joe...
I'd like to see it, but we may have to wait until Survivor Series or the Royal Rumble.
Please don't waste Balor's debut on the rumble.
And the most likely...
The Mayor of Cuteville.
Roman Reigns' first tag team partner.
Look, he's been in FCW, he's been in both NXT's, he's been around developmental for freaking ever, despite clearly not needing any more training.
As a heel, the prince pretty gimmick could totally get over.
If she wasn't already buried in the terrible diva faction gimmick, I think he and Sasha would be an awesome kayfabe couple.
Know who's kayfabe available?
Summer Rae and U.S. Champ Tyler Breeze vs. Dolph Ziggler?
Sign me up, brochacho.
Ryback vs. Kevin Owens for the IC Title.
Winner- Kevin Owens.
I would love to know what Ryback did to get buried.
Look, I'm not complaining.
Love Kevin Owens.
Not a fan of Roidback.
They've been selling that Ryback has some torso issues, and can we just discuss how stupid that is?
I get it.
"Oh, his back hurts? I bet it would suck if he had to wrestle someone who uses a powerbomb"
Kevin Owens will probably win dirty because god forbid we have a heel that wins any match clean ever, and we'll hopefully move on to a much more exciting feud.
The New Day vs. The Dudley Boyz for the Tag Team Title...Z?
Winners- The Dudley Boyz.
I never thought I'd say this.
The Dudley Boyz need the tag titles more than the New Day do.
The New Day are so freaking over, that they can pretty much just be themselves and they'll be okay.
Meanwhile, the shock factor of the Dudley Boyz being back has worn off.
We've seen a couple dozen 3-D's, and without a title or a heel turn, they're starting to get stale.
No idea how it ever came to this.
My friend Chris joked ages ago that they should bring Spike Dudley back to off-set Xavier Woods.
i think that would be wise.
The New Day could probably get the titles back down the road, and honestly, if not, I could watch them wrestle a broom for twenty minutes and be amused.
New. Day Rocks.
Dean Ambrose and TBA vs. The FreeBird Wyatts.
Winner- The Wyatts.
Randy Orton, Barin Corbin, Chris Jericho (AGAIN?!), whoever, I don't know.
If they seriously let Strowman lose... after they've finally made the Wyatts a force to be reckoned with again... I'm gonna be disappointed...
Nikki Bella vs. Charlotte for the Tramp Stampionship. (Seriously, re-design that thing, for the love of God)
With Cena leaving, so leaves Nikki's political power backstage.
I said it.
Get at me.
Whatchu gonna do.
Because this is Hubpages.
And you're the only one reading this.
I'm still fired up from that New Day video.
Okay, they gave Nikki the title for that long just to spite Punk, which... ultimately is pretty pathetic, but whatever.
Charlotte wins, and maybe Paige interferes because she's doing her crazed heel thing.
Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt.
Winner- Roman Reigns.
It's funny. Finally... A HIAC match where Bray Wyatt won't randomly interfere at the end!
Look, it's a Pay Per View, so Bray's gonna lose.
And honestly... this feud is like 8 years old.
Seriously, it started at Money in the Bank.
That was in early June.
Early. Freakin. June.
And these two are still going at it.
It's almost winter.
Roman wins because good for Superman.
He can't cut a promo, and I struggle to see the difference between the Superman Punch and that flying forearm thing but... Whoopee cushion.
Demon Kane vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE WHC.
Winner- Seth Rollins.
Let me run off a few names.
Those are some of... if not all of the guys that Rollins has successfully retained his title against.
If you really think they're going to give the belt to a 46 year old man who can barely wrestle... You're out of your freaking mind.
The only way Rollins drops the gold is if A. Someone leaks lewd photos again, or B. Sheamus cashes in... which I don't think he'll do just yet.
Rollins will carry the match, do a few "oh my god" acrobatic maneuvers, and then probably win with some authority help...
Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar.
Winner- Brock Lesnar.
We're all thinking it, but Brock said it.
This is getting old.
Watching one of the most physically imposing athletes in America sell to a guy who narrowly avoids breaking a hip every time he wrestles... just isn't as dramatic anymore.
Maybe it was the finish at Summer Slam, maybe it's because it's at such a small pay per view...
But it just doesn't feel like Taker should be wrestling anywhere but Wrestlemania.
Think about the build to mania last year.
Ominous signs, lightning, the gong... and not a single appearance before the big day.
Nobody knew if we were going to see him again after what Brock did.
So when he showed up at Mania... it was amazing.
And when he interrupted the Rollins/Lesnar title match?
Sure, the internet spoiled it a week before, but it was still a cool moment.
But having Taker tap out and then hit the low blow?
Who wants this re-match?
Taker? Why? What's his motivation?
He won, didn't he?
I guess he feels slighted, but the last time he felt screwed, he absolutely destroyed Raw.
This time? Just Bo Dallas...
Bo. Freaking. Dallas.
it's obviously the main event because Vince loves him a couple of part-timers...
But I just don't care like I did at Summer Slam.