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5 Things That Will Kill Your Golf Swing

Updated on August 22, 2015
A high-quality pic guaranteed to enhance your experience.
A high-quality pic guaranteed to enhance your experience. | Source

Introduction

Should you find yourself possessing a golf swing, peruse this helpful compendium of complete sentences describing steps that might be taken to preserve such. Ignore the product capsules. HubPages classifies product capsules as Spammy Elements. Indeed, asking you, gentle reader, to consider possibly browsing a product runs counter to what our Internet is all about. Across cyberspace erstwhile composers arrange words into humanly readable combinations without regard to money-making. No self-respecting web site exists to sell anything.

Ergo, please forgive my product capsules. Look past them to enjoy content lovingly crafted by my fingers. Directly from billions of thriving brain cells arrives subject matter pointed at you. Words cannot express how these words will impact you and your life, but you can certainly try: leave a comment at the bottom. I have thoughtfully provided a comment capsule that is not a Spammy Element, unless you try to sell something in your comment. I am OK with that.


1. Improper equipment

Golf is accomplished via 'woods' and 'irons' consisting of elongated shafts endowed with specialized ball striking surfaces. At one end you will find a 'club face' set at a specific angle. The other end provides superior grip, except when it doesn't. If you have seen Caddyshack you might realize the obscure cultural reference.

Under no circumstances should you consider a tennis racket instead. While highly effective for ball-striking balls of a different composition, this type of equipment will kill your golf swing. Resist any compunction to splurge on on-sale tennis rackets regardless of what the club pro insists. Many club pros are probably on commission: they make a buck regardless of what you purchase.

2. Night putting

Don't do it.

3. Walking around the World

Steve Newman walked away from Bethel, Ohio to embark on his journey of many steps. Along the way his golf swing did not improve. He did encounter many friendly people of this world, sleep in barns, and eat weird stuff. His trip consumed 4 consecutive years of his young life and launched his career as an authentic adventuring celebrity.

You, too, might feel as if you circumnavigated the Earth after trudging 18 holes of unsuccessful golfing. A wrecked swing may certainly result. Resist the urge to set off from home in one direction with the intention of returning from the other direction. Even comfortable golf shoes will not help you. Steve Newman used up many pairs of shoes and could not get a shoe sponsor at the outset of his journey.

4. Sporting a Weighted Vest

A weighted vest offers opportunities for varying your workouts. You might load it up and then walk around the world. You could compete in the CrossFit games against lesser humans wearing only their body weight.

On the other hand, studies have shown no measurable improvement in golfing swings attributable to a weighted vest. Not only might you anticipate an increase in strokes, but you should expect an uptick in distraction. Members of your foursome will suspect you to be a SWAT team member or dramatically out of clean clothes. They will probably find themselves too polite or intimidated to specifically inquire, but tensions will be high.

These things really chafe. Expect your ball-addressing, follow-through, and back-swing to include itching.

5. Massive Amounts of Candy

Sugar is necessary for sentient human survival. Sugar intake should be modulated properly regardless of golf swing intentions. Should you find yourself ignominiously possessing the worst golf swing ever documented at your local muni, do not rely on piles of candy to realize improvement.

You may wish to indulge in a few bits of candy at The Turn or perhaps in the shower after a rousing 18 holes with your mates. Licorice, chocolate, and raspberry will never let you down. Hand out handfuls of individually-wrapped indulgence to caddies and groundskeepers: they work as hard as you do but they are good at their jobs.

Earning a PhD

Any Doctorate in Philosophy probably contributes to improved social standing. Friends and relatives and relative friends look approvingly upon your elaborate robes replete with tassels. Unfortunately such regalia interferes with golfing movements.

Very challenging, it can be, to address the little white ball amidst flowing garments. Many a Summertime foursome has been disrupted by such. They other guys are dressed in links-appropriate clothing: you look like you just snuck away from officiating a convocation.

Another high-quality pic. You're welcome.
Another high-quality pic. You're welcome. | Source

Conclusion

I think Donald Trump plays golf. By the time you read this, one of these things will happen. Donald Trump will be:

  • Running for the Republican Nomination for President,
  • The Republican Nominee,
  • A 3rd party nominee,
  • Elected the US President, or
  • The Biggest Loser in the US President general election.

Regardless, you can still ruin your golf swing. I, myself, do not know which bullet point will be historically accurate because I cannot predict when you will read this, except that you will read this after I write it. Time moves linearly in a single direction.


There is a golfing place at this airport. Scroll north a little.

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Comments

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    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      3 years ago from south Florida

      Touche! and a Bravo!

      One more: A bad psychologist goes "Damn! ... Whacko!"

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @DrBJ: A bad skydiving beaver goes "Dam!" ... WHACK!"

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      3 years ago from south Florida

      The above is a gem, nicomp, that every golfer should memorize. I'm not a golfer but I appreciate genius when I read it. Here is my favorite golf one-liner dedicated to you:

      What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

      A bad golfer goes: WHACK ! ..."Damn!"

      A bad skydiver goes: "Damn!" ... WHACK!

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