ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

5 Things That Will Kill Your Golf Swing

Updated on August 22, 2015
A high-quality pic guaranteed to enhance your experience.
A high-quality pic guaranteed to enhance your experience. | Source

Introduction

Should you find yourself possessing a golf swing, peruse this helpful compendium of complete sentences describing steps that might be taken to preserve such. Ignore the product capsules. HubPages classifies product capsules as Spammy Elements. Indeed, asking you, gentle reader, to consider possibly browsing a product runs counter to what our Internet is all about. Across cyberspace erstwhile composers arrange words into humanly readable combinations without regard to money-making. No self-respecting web site exists to sell anything.

Ergo, please forgive my product capsules. Look past them to enjoy content lovingly crafted by my fingers. Directly from billions of thriving brain cells arrives subject matter pointed at you. Words cannot express how these words will impact you and your life, but you can certainly try: leave a comment at the bottom. I have thoughtfully provided a comment capsule that is not a Spammy Element, unless you try to sell something in your comment. I am OK with that.


1. Improper equipment

Golf is accomplished via 'woods' and 'irons' consisting of elongated shafts endowed with specialized ball striking surfaces. At one end you will find a 'club face' set at a specific angle. The other end provides superior grip, except when it doesn't. If you have seen Caddyshack you might realize the obscure cultural reference.

Under no circumstances should you consider a tennis racket instead. While highly effective for ball-striking balls of a different composition, this type of equipment will kill your golf swing. Resist any compunction to splurge on on-sale tennis rackets regardless of what the club pro insists. Many club pros are probably on commission: they make a buck regardless of what you purchase.

2. Night putting

Don't do it.

3. Walking around the World

Steve Newman walked away from Bethel, Ohio to embark on his journey of many steps. Along the way his golf swing did not improve. He did encounter many friendly people of this world, sleep in barns, and eat weird stuff. His trip consumed 4 consecutive years of his young life and launched his career as an authentic adventuring celebrity.

You, too, might feel as if you circumnavigated the Earth after trudging 18 holes of unsuccessful golfing. A wrecked swing may certainly result. Resist the urge to set off from home in one direction with the intention of returning from the other direction. Even comfortable golf shoes will not help you. Steve Newman used up many pairs of shoes and could not get a shoe sponsor at the outset of his journey.

4. Sporting a Weighted Vest

A weighted vest offers opportunities for varying your workouts. You might load it up and then walk around the world. You could compete in the CrossFit games against lesser humans wearing only their body weight.

On the other hand, studies have shown no measurable improvement in golfing swings attributable to a weighted vest. Not only might you anticipate an increase in strokes, but you should expect an uptick in distraction. Members of your foursome will suspect you to be a SWAT team member or dramatically out of clean clothes. They will probably find themselves too polite or intimidated to specifically inquire, but tensions will be high.

These things really chafe. Expect your ball-addressing, follow-through, and back-swing to include itching.

5. Massive Amounts of Candy

Sugar is necessary for sentient human survival. Sugar intake should be modulated properly regardless of golf swing intentions. Should you find yourself ignominiously possessing the worst golf swing ever documented at your local muni, do not rely on piles of candy to realize improvement.

You may wish to indulge in a few bits of candy at The Turn or perhaps in the shower after a rousing 18 holes with your mates. Licorice, chocolate, and raspberry will never let you down. Hand out handfuls of individually-wrapped indulgence to caddies and groundskeepers: they work as hard as you do but they are good at their jobs.

Earning a PhD

Any Doctorate in Philosophy probably contributes to improved social standing. Friends and relatives and relative friends look approvingly upon your elaborate robes replete with tassels. Unfortunately such regalia interferes with golfing movements.

Very challenging, it can be, to address the little white ball amidst flowing garments. Many a Summertime foursome has been disrupted by such. They other guys are dressed in links-appropriate clothing: you look like you just snuck away from officiating a convocation.

Another high-quality pic. You're welcome.
Another high-quality pic. You're welcome. | Source

Conclusion

I think Donald Trump plays golf. By the time you read this, one of these things will happen. Donald Trump will be:

  • Running for the Republican Nomination for President,
  • The Republican Nominee,
  • A 3rd party nominee,
  • Elected the US President, or
  • The Biggest Loser in the US President general election.

Regardless, you can still ruin your golf swing. I, myself, do not know which bullet point will be historically accurate because I cannot predict when you will read this, except that you will read this after I write it. Time moves linearly in a single direction.


There is a golfing place at this airport. Scroll north a little.

Which will kill your golf swing?

See results
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)