ANOTHER GUY WHO ALMOST NEVER EVER BEATS AUERBACH -- History of the NBA Finals Part 10
The terrible thing about Wilt Chamberlain was that he was precisely what Kerner and company had always been so cocky about.
All their rules, all their thoughts, all their stereotypes, had been geared at stopping and containing what all the people at the banquet in the huge library had all wanted to say but, out of politeness, didn't:
We are pleased with the measures taken to contain a bigger, blacker George Mikan.
For Wilt Chamberlain will demonstrate why Shaquille O'Neal would need 8 years and every resource in the world to win a title.
Chamberlain will demonstrate why people like Shaq say "fuck it" after winning 82 games, and thus allow their opponents to SWEEP THEM.
Chamberlain, 7'1'' and 275 pounds, was the ultimate accounted-for weapon.
Shaquille O'Neal was Chamberlain back then.
Did you see how FAST THE NBA MANAGED TO THWART EACH OF THEM?!
The NBA is all about taking on size.
It helps when you have to bounce the ball, because now everybody from 2 feet tall on up has a shot at you. So get as big as you want, Stilt.
As big and bad and aggressive and strong and pimp as that size can get.
You've got a game that emphasizes leaping and ability and a basket that is up in the air.
The basket is not at the end of a 100 yard dash the way an endzone is in football or home plate is in baseball, or that goal is in hockey.
For this reason, since the dawn of its' conception, the makers and architects and scientists of the game of basketball have all done nothing else but work to CONTAIN SIZE.
It particularly works well when that size is a ball hogging motherfucker.
Then we only have ONE cannon to destroy? Steal that cat's dribble.
Wow, that was fast.
And thus Chamberlain will continuously do everything in the world to show us that he's there...except get past Mr. Auerbach.
He will in fact only beat the Celtics in 1967...and AUERBACH HAD ALREADY RETIRED!!!
Elgin Baylor...NEVER WILL beat Auerbach.
For Bill Russell would destroy the both of them.
Russell on Chamberlain was like Dennis Rodman on Shaq. Same results.
But Chamberlain would end up being the NBA's premier money maker for the next fifteen years.
Normally when you dominate everybody else except one dude...your career ends up done anyhow.
Because coaches simply have their players study game tape.
Things like the West Coast Offense in football were simply a collection of plays that had proven not to be overcome just by watching a video.
That fucking video...filtered out all the unworthy candidates for making the playbook.
Well Chamberlain...the ultimate "now this is what you do, guys" player...was a pimp.
Chamberlain got ladies, ladies loved Wilt, and ladies thus...were now loving basketball.
Chamberlain was not going anywhere.
And this in itself would create another dynamic that we see on this big dysfunctional internet soap opera...
Chamberlain dealing with the hype.
Chamberlain was very much like Red Auerbach when it came to both laxing AND heartily fighting to live up to their images.
Chamberlain will have critics all day long that he's only a gimmick, just as Red had.
But Chamberlain will not have a situation where it's all his say.
It is under these circumstances and pressures and mental images...that Chamberlain will soon put up a 100 point game...
Boston overcomes Philly with Wilt Chamberlain in the Eastern Division Finals.
Auerbach's guys melt him.
Cousy on the way up, Russell in case he hasn't lost the ball yet,
Ramsey, Heinsohn, Sharman. Dominating.
Meanwhile, Kerner would spend some cash and get the other star of Fort Wayne, Bob Foust.
Hagan, Petit, Lenny Wilkens, and Foust take care of Baylor in the West in 7 tough games.
5 on 1 and a FAIR BATTLE!!!
U can't touch Baylor.
So we had a final four in 1960 featuring all our big actors in this terrible webinar:
And now it was Auerbach and Kerner once again.
To see who had the bigger inchworm.
Boston had the best record ever -- 59-16.
It went back and forth, once again, seven terrible brutal games.
Boston, St. Louis, Boston, St. Louis, Boston, St. Louis.
But then Bill Russell...would break this tie for good.
He puts up 35 REBOUNDS and 22 points.
The Celtics have done it again, and Kerner hates life.
AUERBACH TITLE-O-METER = 3