ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Aikido Techniques to Help Resolve Family Conflits

Updated on February 7, 2010

Archie Bunker: The "Model" Father???

Archie Bunker, the polar opposite of "Father Knows Best"!  Loud, obnoxious, bigotted...everything we'd love in a parent.
Archie Bunker, the polar opposite of "Father Knows Best"! Loud, obnoxious, bigotted...everything we'd love in a parent.

It's All In The Family

No, I don't mean body-slamming your spouse or child when you disagree!

Those of us that are "approaching decrepitude" (a term used in the movie The Bucket List) may remember the sitcom "All In the Family", which stared Carroll O'Connor as the gruff and bigoted character, Archie Bunker, who often referred to his son-in-law as "meat head". This certainly was not the best way to resolve conflict but, one must agree, it is one way to do so. The types of conflicts seen in families can range from simple talking back, to passive aggressive, to physical altercation at the extreme. The intensity varies from family to family and situation to situation but the fundamental issues at the core of the problem is often very similar. They are usually related to differences in expectations and unclear expectations as to unacceptable behaviors or responses.

Aikido techiques: Letting go to gain control

Aikido Information on

Letting go to gain control

Aikido techniques are often thought of as physicial because that this the focus of those that are relatively new to the art. As one gains a greater level of experiences and, hopefully understanding, we begin to see that the concepts of this art are as much a matter of the mind as they are of the body. Take for example the defensive technique called kotegaeshi (reverse wrist takedown) from katate kosadori (cross hand grab). If we assume the focus of the front grab is across the body, then the defensive movement is to lead the grabbing hand (in the direction of the reach), rotate the body so that we are moving in the same direction as the opponent (uke) and redirect the energy to first unbalance and then to throw uke (the opponent). In this example we are letting go of the desire to meet the force of the grab with some opposing force (such as pulling back), forcing uke to "reach" for the hand and then redirecting the energy to begin the process of unbalancing uke. The concept of avoiding force-on-force conflict and redirection is at the heart of letting go in order to gain control in a family conflict.

Reduce Confilct by Increasing Harmonization

In the example above force on force conflict was avoided by blending or harmonizing with the force directed at the wrist.  In the family context the conflict can be a verbal refusal to perform a requested task or chore.  The natural tendency of many parents trained in the "old school" method of "spare the rod and spoil the child", is to react with anger which escalates rather than deescalates the conflict which often results in a reaction that is much more intense than the situation would have normally dictated.  The key then is for the parent to resist the urge to react with anger or hostility, maintaining instead a calm outward demeanor and redirecting the conversation to, perhaps, the behaviors and consequences that had been previously agreed upon.  By resisting the temptation to "take the bait" by reacting emotionally, the parent can gain or maintain control of the situation and deescalate, rather than deescalate it.  Giving in does not mean letting the child do whatever it is they want.  Rather, it is not allowing the situation to escalate thereby maintaining a level of control which would be impossible without mastering yourself and your emotions.

This is why the key to these concepts is that Aikido is as much a  matter of the mind as it is the body.

Family Conflict Survey Sez.....

Family conflict in your home:

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • kephrira profile image


      9 years ago from Birmingham

      Interesting hub, thanks.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)