Good Grodd, Cult's Doing Another CMLL Running Diary!
I need help. Like serious help. The kind of help that Elliot from Mr. Robot needs. Here I am on a Friday night, my top 50 luchador(a)s of 2016 series is finally complete and what am I doing; yet another CMLL running diary. I must hate myself. Or maybe I don't? Eh who cares; there's lucha to watch, this card actually doesn't look too bad and hey, we can all have some fun with this right? So let's kick back and crack open a 7 Up. Moses, get that new meme out you love so much.
9:28: We are coming to you live from...the basement I'm dog sitting from! That's why I'm not out tonight. Some good news and bad news here folks. The good news is I'm in a good mood because I just watched Blue Panther vs. Atlantis and Konnan vs. Jake Roberts from back in the 90's. The bad news is I watched both of those matches from the 90's and there's an 85% chance tonight's show won't have anything on the level of those. Potential mistakes were made!
9:35: The promoting is done and WE ARE LIVE! Flyer and Robin are starting this off taking on El Hijo del Signo and Metálico. In the words of those two dudes from Robot Chicken renting The Core, could be good.
9:37: Say what you will about Metálico but that entrance is always gold. Also, ALY IS BACK! Kevin Kleinrock and Rob Viper are very excited right now.
9:39: Robin and Metálico starting and I'm just sitting here trying to figure out if Signo is a dude who can encourage confidence in Flyer.
9:41: Flyer and Signo are in. Please go well. Please go well. PLEASE GO WELL!
9:43: They don't even last two minutes before Robin and Metálico are back in. To their credit they do a few cool things before Metálico flattens the youngster.
9:44: Flyer is all alone. UH OH!
9:45: This got dull awfully fast. Signo submits Flyer and it appears Robin will be joining him in the showers shortly.
9:46: Yup. Cool Tiger Bomb by Metálico puts Robin away. A boring fall one to the rudos, who are inexplicably going to win this match. It's their destiny.
9:48: I don't know what Signo was just doing, but he'd be wise to never do it again.
9:50: Upon further viewing, Signo should just not do lucha again. But he's done now because it's COMEBACK TIME!
9:51: Flyer takes Metálico to Backbreaker City, followed by Robin hitting the best Swanton of his life to send the vet packing. Signo then comes in and GOOD GRODD FLYER JUST DRAGON SUPLEX'D HIM! Was it L.A. Park or Volador that taught him that? Whatever the case the match is now tied and that was easily the best part of the match.
9:53: Flyer and Signo will start. Flyer decides to take off his shirt and gorrammit kid you know that's not a good idea!
9:54: Well at least Flyer is doing alright tonight. He gives way to Robin and Metálico now.
9:55: Starting to think that isn't Robin and he's had one of them Trading Places scenarios.
9:56: We've now reached the "let's hit our finishers and then have them be broken up!" portion of the match. For more in depth reactions to this, please consult the following meme.
9:58: You'll never believe this...but the rudos won. WHO COULD'VE GUESSED?! At least Signo did hit a decent Canadian Destroyer on Flyer to eliminate him. Take that and Flyer's Dragon Suplex away though and this was the same old, same old in regards to the CMLL opener. Hopefully it's blue skies from here.
10:00: STAR JR.! TRITÓN!!!
10:02: Or perhaps there isn't. Star and Tritón are stuck with Pegasso as a partner and Sangre Azteca, Nitro and Virus are their opponents. Well at least everything with Star, Tritón and Virus will work.
10:05: Virus and Tritón are captains. CMLL has chosen...wisely.
10:08: Virus is just grinding Pegasso into a sticky paste right now.
10:10: Really nice work from Virus and Pegasso there. Naturally that now means poor Tritón has to carry Nitro.
10:12: Not much to that. Star Jr. and Sangre in now.
10:13: Tritón just kicked Nitro's face off! It all leads to Pegasso getting Virus in a submission and the maestro has no choice but to tap. Fall one to the technicos. Not bad, other than when Nitro was involved.
10:15: More Pegasso and Virus. I'm strangely okay with this.
10:16: Now I am VERY okay with this!
10:17: Technicos went for a triple dive but the rudos caught it. We are in coast mode till the comeback!
10:19: We're tied after Nitro nailed Tritón with a piledriver. You read that right. On to the third fall. And yes, we're going silent till the comeback.
10:22: GUESS WHAT SPORTS FANS?!
10:23: MY GOODNESS THE TECHNICOS HAVE WON! THE TECHNICOS HAVE WON A MATCH! STAR JR. HAS WON A MATCH! PRAISE CTHULHU! PRAISE WANDA! PRAISE EVERYONE!
10:24: In all seriousness, that match was okay. Technicos were very strong, Virus was very strong, Nitro and Sangre were just there. Replace those two with guys that actually have a pulse and this is probably a very good match. Alas it's just good, which is still a notch in the belts of Tritón and Star Jr.
10:26: Here's Star Jr.'s moonsault!
10:27: It's Lightning Match time, with the really good Rey Cometa going against the white hot Sagrado. It could be damn good folks!
10:29: Mat wrestling and slap fighting to start before Cometa gets the jets going.
10:30: Already we have a dive!
10:31: Cometa going dive crazy here! He undershot that one and Sagrado had to rush back just to catch him. Scary spot.
10:32: More dives from Cometa! He gets a two on a 360, then rage quits on Tirantes. It's a mistake that allows Sagrado to turn the tide and get a near fall of his own.
10:33: Sagrado now in full control. Four minutes have gone.
10:33: COMETA GONE WILD!
10:34: SAGRADO BRAINBUSTER! He gives the most nonchalant cover and history and only gets two. Tirantes seems ticked off it was only two. Sagrado then hits a rope assisted neckbreaker, but Cometa is out again with a rope break.
10:35: HUGE big boot by Sagrado, followed by a huge superkick and standing moonsault from Cometa. I guess Sagrado blocked it though, as he gets yet another near fall. Almost three minutes left.
10:36: ONE ARMED BRAINBUSTER BY SAGRADO! He goes for a Lionsault, but Cometa catches him with the knees.
10:37: STANDING SPANISH FLY BY COMETA! He gets the cover and Tirantes reluctantly counts the three. First win for Cometa in awhile it feels like! Excellent match between those two; Cometa brought his A game with the dives and Sagrado was as deadly as he's ever been with his power moves. Strong Lightning match.
10:39: They're interviewing fans right now. Sounds like a good time for a meme break!
10:41: Looks like it's time for Drone, Junior and Panther to make three old guys look good. I just want to wish them luck; we're all counting on them.
10:43: Hey, it's Olimpico. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
10:47: Ripper is captaining a team of him, Olimpico and Kraneo, while Junior is technico captain. The rudos try to attack before the bell...and then stop. SAVE US JUNIOR!
10:48: Olimpico is now wrestling without the mask. DAMMIT! There go all the Two Face jokes I had. You can't even suck correctly Olimpico.
10:48: I took ten seconds and now I'm even more ticked about this. WIPE HIS ASS OFF PLANET EARTH DRONE! Excuse me, I meant DRONNNNN!!!!
10:51: Junior wants Ripper, doesn't get him. He could do so much better. He finally gets him, they go outside, the feed starts cutting out and we're back just like that...except now we aren't. And now we are! And now we aren't.
10:52: Feed is all over the place, but we see enough to see Olimpico pin Panther after a Kraneo running hip attack and Kraneo pin DRONNNNN!!!! after a leg drop. Fall one to the old dudes.
10:54: GOOD GRODD, RIPPER JUST DID A SENTON OFF THE STAGE! IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!
10:55: NOW RIPPER IS (pardon the pun) RIPPING JUNIOR'S MASK!
10:57: Junior turns the tide, hits a few backbreakers and THERE IS THAT BEAUTIFUL PANTHER FROG SPLASH! Kraneo is history, and so is Olimpico after a DRONNNN!!!! split legged moonsault. Good end to a fall that was pretty good because of (gulp) Ripper. Have we woken up in an alternate universe or something?
11:00: Panther starts the fall with Kraneo. He disposes of the fat man, then disposes of Olimpico and fakes a dive. Ripper then comes in but IT'S A FAKE! Junior chasing Ripper everywhere!
11:01: DRONNNN'S!!!!! turn for offense before the inevitable "JUNIOR RUNS IN AND RIPPER RUNS AWAY SCARED!" spot.
11:02: DRONNNN!!!! owning Olimpico is the best.
11:02: Junior and Ripper are alone at last...or not. Olimpico will take a run at Junior instead. OWN HIM JUNIOR!
11:03: HE IS OWNING! And stripping. Less of that Junior.
11:04: AWESOME DIVES! Junior has Ripper alone and Ripper pulls the mask off. Not stunned we ended up there, but at least the technicos won! Solid match with really good heat thanks to the Junior-Ripper stuff. Technicos worked great and Ripper was surprisingly better than usual. The other two rudos were eh.
11:09: Stuka Jr., the red hot Ángel de Oro and Marco Corleone (who should be over like Frozen Yogurt with college girls considering all the female fans in Arena Mexico tonight) take on Rey Bucanero, Terrible and Shocker next. It'll be... pretty good?
11:11: Shocker and Marco are captains. We now go live to all the female CMLL fans' reaction.
11:13: Rudos working over Stuka to start this one.
11:14: Good Grodd, is this fall just going to be Stuka getting owned while the women unclip their bras to throw at Marco?
11:15: Ángel de Oro and Marco to the rescue! The tide turns quick enough that Stuka gets Bucanero with a splash and Oro quickly taps Shocker to that modified Billy Goat's Curse. Technicos are up by one. Okay fall. Terrible looks hurt on the stage, and the replay does show Marco landing on the legs. UH OH!
11:17: Shocker tries to win the females over from Marco's side to his, fails miserably.
11:18: Evidently that wasn't the start of the fall. Oro taking Bucanero to Backbreaker City is though. Oro then owns the other two rudos as well just because he can!
11:19: WHAT IN GRODD'S NAME WAS THAT WOMAN DOING IN THE CROWD?! Was she purring for Marco?!
11:21: We're fighting through some feed trouble here as the teams go back and forth. I'm starting to get the sense the technicos may win this in straight falls.
11:23: THE RUDOS BROKE UP MARCO'S DANCE! NUCLEAR HEAT IN ARENA MEXICO! NUCLEAR I TELL YOU!
11:24: Really wondering why I just used all caps for that last entry. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day after all.
11:25: So remember what I said about this going two falls? I was wrong. A Bucanero senton puts away Marco to a series of boos. We're tied!
11:28: All rudos in fall three thus far. Don't worry; the comeback meme is booted and ready to go.
11:29: AND HERE IT IS!
11:29: The technicos turned that around quickly, with Stuka and Oro hitting dives and Marco closing it out with his splash on Shocker for the win. Okay match, but the crowd was into it because of Marco. They need to keep these female fans in Arena Mexico forever; Marco will be running the show if that happens.
11:40: Got a little delayed there by a phone call. I return to see Volador, Valiente and Caristico taking on Negro Casas, Felino and Cavernario. Strong main event this match is. Rudos have been in control thus far.
11:41: Scratch that, rudos are ahead after a Cavernario dropkick to Volador and a Felino senton to Valiente. The things you miss!
11:43: Technicos are heating up! Volador and Valiente each hit dives, Casas and Caristico go at it for a moment before Caristico rolls Negro up with his own move! Tie game. Third fall could be a hoot.
11:45: Fall three; fight!
11:46: Killer exchange by Negro and Valiente. Eventually the Man with No Pants takes Negro out and Valiente comes in for some quick offense.
11:46: MASCOT VIOLENCE!
11:47: Volador and Cavernario are in the ring, by themselves...till Felino takes Cavernario's place. Bogus.
11:48: Volador wiping the floor with every single rudo right now. Cavernario now in for his turn.
11:48: IT BE CARISTICO TIME!
11:49: Caristico and Cavernario go at it first. Felino then comes in and Caristico makes sweet magic with both of them.
11:50: MOAR VALIENTE SUICIDA!
11:50: CROWD DIVE! Caristico and Volador set Cavernario up for that one.
11:51: Caristico and Casas go at it, leading to a Caristico tornillo! Rudos are in big trouble.
11:52: MASCOT DIVES! All this takes place as Valiente hits his codebreaker and Volador goes Canadian Destroyer on Cavernario's ass. That's all she wrote. Technicos win a fun little trios match that ultimately isn't leading anywhere and honestly didn't have to. Nice way to close out a nice show with a hot crowd.
That's a wrap sports fans. Hope you had as good a time as I did. I'll be back soon, perhaps even before the new year has started. If I don't however, I, DUCHVONY and SCULLY wish you a safe and happy New Year's Eve! Enjoy yourselves.