ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Butler Moves Conferences Again

Updated on March 20, 2015

'Dogs Not Staying Put

In a stunning turn of events, Butler Athletic Director Horace Crandle announced following Butler's 56-48 victory over Texas that the Bulldogs were switching conferences for the fourth consecutive year.

Butler left the Horizon Conference after 2013 season for the Atlantic Ten, but left that conference only a year later for the greener pastures and more lucrative television contract of the Big East. After just one season in the Big East, Butler is jilting that conference as well.

"We've applied for membership in the Ivy League, and received word yesterday, that we were accepted," Crandle said.This news led to a spate of furrowed brows across the northside Indianapolis campus.

"Like, we'll be playing Harvard and shit?" asked Candy Hetherington, freshman from Avon. "I just learned the teams in the Big East, and now that knowledge does me no good," Ms. Hetherington said, while blowing on her recently-painted fingernails.

"Wtf," said Parker Worthingham, sophomore from Brownsburg majoring in Fitness Hygiene.

"Maybe I can transfer to Princeton or Yale now. Or at least, my degree will be worth more," said Mr. Worthington, who holds a 2.228 GPA.

"The Ivy League - son of a bitch! We did it."

Butler's players seemed unfazed by the news.

"Harvard don't mean shit to me," said junior forward Roosevelt Jones. "Line up those eggnogs and I'll knock them down." [Editor's note - we think he meant "egg heads."]

Butler head coach Chris Holtmann was more circumspect.

"I don't know about this. Ivy League students are really smart, ya know? I don't want to go into some gym and hear the student section chanting in Latin or working out polynomial equations on smart boards. That shit creeps me out."

"Besides," Coach Holtmann said, "I wanted to join the SEC. Mississippi State, Alabama, Arkansas, LSU....we'd have been the smartest school by far," he said with a far-away glint of pride in his eyes.

"Kentucky? They can't even spell 'SAT' there!," he said, laughing. "And holy shit. Cousins can legally fuck in Arkansas, but you know what they can't do? Spell!"

"But seriously, if we're not cerebral enough to cope with the rigors of the Ivy League, we've got a golden parachute. We have an application in the works to enter the NBA as an expansion franchise. And you know we'll do it, too."


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      once bitten 

      3 years ago

      Butler: a fickle mistress

    • profile image

      southside TA 

      3 years ago

      Good stuff!!!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)