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CMLL Tuesday: Caveman Fought the Red Frog and the Red Frog Won

Updated on October 25, 2017

I know what you’re thinking; Cult, why didn’t you release the review of the Tuesday show last night after it was over? Why? WHY?! Well to be honest, I just wasn’t in the mood. Plus I knew I could release the thing right now, so really, is it that big of a deal? Just be happy I’m reviewing the Tuesday show at all these days; most of the time I’m halfway through my notes before realizing I’ve wasted two hours of my life, delete everything and go off to the old school gaming room for Sonic Adventure. But enough about the old school gaming room; let’s talk an above average CMLL Tuesday show! Moses, stop writing your Lucha Underground fan fiction and do your damn job.

Artillero & Inquisidor defeated Bengala & Sensei two falls to one

Let me put it to you this way; you could’ve stuck Sexy Star issuing her 9,001st insincere public apology for breaking Rosemary’s arm in front of me and I would’ve paid it more attention than the pile of garbage that was this opener. Remember the days of Fiero and Templario opening the Tuesday show and doing cool stuff? CMLL sure as hell doesn’t, as they decided to give us…Grodd only knows how long of Bengala and Sensei doing the bare minimum, Artillero only being interesting when he was wearing his gas mask during his entrance and Inquisidor, of all people, doing his best to carry this to decency. Of course he’s Inquisidor, so you can guess how that turned out. A complete and utter waste of time in every sense of the phrase.

Akuma, Cancerbero, Raziel defeated Astral, Magnus, Star Jr. two falls to one

What’s this, what’s this; an honest to Grodd good second match on the Tuesday show?! I swear to Grodd that never happens. Then again, the second match hardly features Magnus and Star Jr. at the same time. I ALMOST FORGOT! We can’t go further until I do this.

There, now we can break things down. The biggest surprise in this match, aside from Cancerbero and Raziel deciding to try, was that Magnus and Star Jr. got a big assist from Astral. I guess Bad Astral needed the day off and thus Good Astral was thankfully there to fill in. He was ambitious as per usual and this time nailed more moves than he didn’t, giving us a few cool non Star Jr. spots that we didn’t expect. Combine that with Cancerbero and Raziel giving a decent effort, Akuma being Akuma, and Magnus and Star Jr. providing their usual reliable work and this was a solid outing. I do wish that CMLL would’ve allowed Magnus more to do; it felt like he was just there to keep everything grounded while Star Jr. and Astral got all the impressive stuff. There’s always next time though. Also, from now on I’m going to refer to Star Jr.’s poetry in motion style dropkick to the corner as the “Ode to Flyer.” It’s only right, considering its Flyer’s move and all! Plus, it’s going to make me laugh when I get a bunch of New Japan fans asking “who the hell is Flyer?” when I refer to the move as such this January.

Blue Panther Jr., Fuego, Pegasso defeated Puma, Tiger, Sagrado two falls to one

Our second straight good match! Did we stumble onto a Friday show and no one told me? I think you can give the bulk of the credit to everyone trying harder because this match was clearly setting up something between Junior and Sagrado. I don’t know if it’s anything soon or not, but the two went at it all match and the ending (Sagrado pulling off Junior’s mask for the DQ) certainly signals that there may be something in the works for one of the Day of the Dead shows coming up. Whatever happened it lit a fire under the rest of the guys and we ended up with some pretty good action. Then again we may have anyway; Puma and Tiger are so beyond the level of good that almost everything they do rules, including sequences with Pegasso that made him look ten years younger. Throw in Fuego being Fuego, Sagrado being Sagrado and Junior stepping up his game after a dismal performance in Guadalajara and this turned out to be a good time. If nothing else check out Junior’s Backbreaker City sequence. It was as if he suddenly turned into a cross between Atlantis and Diamante Azul and became the greatest backbreaker artist in the world. That good! What a shame that only two or three people will notice and he’ll go back to being a punching bag for critics in 3, 2, 1…

Ángel de Oro, Blue Panther, Johnny Idol defeated Hechicero, Misterioso, Pólvora two falls to one

I spent half of this match flipping out over Hechicero and Blue Panther being so close to each other and the other half taking a crash course in Spanish so I could reply to a really nice message Flyer sent me. What a great guy he is! You know what else is great; HECHICERO AND BLUE PANTHER WRESTLING!

I mean, I think we all pretty much figured it would be the case, but your wildest imagination of what it’s like is nowhere near as good as when the two actually tangle. Trust me; I found that out tonight. Panther and Hechicero got the match going with an absolutely wonderful mat sequence in the first fall, and the rest of the match was pretty much them delivering in spades. They even conspired to create a spot where Blue Panther hit a pitch perfect hurricanrana on Hechicero off the second rope, a spot done so well that it looked like Panther took a moment to gather himself because even he couldn’t believe how good it was! I haven’t seen success surprise someone that much since Harry got the golden egg in the first part of the Triwizard Cup. Those two made this match, and honestly the match was still fine even when they weren’t killing it. I mean sure, Johnny Idol and Misterioso may have disappeared numerous times during the match, but Ángel de Oro carried over his energy and excitement from Friday’s awesome trios match and Pólvora is awesome just by standing there. That and the Panther-Hechicero sequences were enough to make this yet another entertaining match, even if CMLL didn’t give us what we all wanted; Blue Panther vs. Hechicero one on one. And they teased it enough with the sequences and Panther’s victory to get all our hopes up. DAMMIT PACO! Put Blue Panther vs. Hechicero right next to Junior vs. Sagrado and I’ll even be flying down to Mexico to see the match. And I wouldn’t fly a plane to make a reservation with Kaya Scodelario. Wait, that’s a lie. Anything else though and the point still stands!

Felino, Máscara Año 2000, Negro Casas wrestled Kráneo, Pierroth, Rush and no one cared

Does the fact that I don't remember the result of this match (and don't care to find out what it is) say it all? No? Alright then, let's give more examples. In the legendary TV series Community, there’s an all time great line where Troy tells Britta that she’s “the opposite of Batman.” Like Britta, this match was the opposite of Batman. It wasn’t necessarily bad (being bad would’ve required these six to try and do something noteworthy), but it was so pointless that you have to wonder if Vince McMahon got the book for a second and came up with this match. Just a weird, lame, needless match whose only notable occurrences were Mephisto hitting the Devil’s Wings on Kráneo (impressive) and some slight feuding between Máscara Año 2000 and Pierroth (ABANDON SHIP!). Only in CMLL could you go from Blue Panther and Hechicero creating art to Año 2000 and Pierroth taking lucha libre back to the Stone Age. At least CMLL had the decency to not tease a matchup between those two in the coming weeks; if that were the case, I would’ve just gotten up, walked out of my house and wandered the country like Caine in Kung Fu.

CMLL World Light Heavyweight Championship

Niebla Roja (c) defeated Cavernario two falls to one

Clearly the match Cavernario had with Soberano a few weeks ago has stuck with him, as he and Niebla Roja basically did their version of that classic tonight. And while it didn’t quite reach the heights of Cav-Soberano (here’s a hint; this match didn’t have Soberano) it was still pretty damn good. They started slow, kept building and building and then exploded in the third fall with the dives we expected and some killer near falls. It was a sight to behold, not just because it was a great match but because I couldn’t have imagined Niebla Roja having this type of match a month ago. It helps that Cavernario was here and at the top of his game (there’s a strong argument you could make for Cav being the best luchador alive right now), but there’s clearly something different about Roja since he lost the mask. It’s as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and his confidence has tripled; almost as though the Aniversario main event succeeding beyond anyone’s expectations showed Roja he could be the top level performer CMLL pushed him as. He’s looked every bit of it recently and tonight’s performance solidified him as someone who you can expect to be very good every time he comes out. Strong work from him, even stronger work from Cavernario and an overall excellent end to a show that didn’t look like it would be when they were working so slow to start and the crowd was deader than Freaks and Geeks. That’s why they do two out of three falls sports fans.

We’re out of time! I’ll be back later tonight though with something that is going to knock your socks off. Or perhaps just keep them on. Who can say for sure? Till then, a meme that ties back into that Moses fan fiction joke I made earlier, only this applies far more to Catrina than Moses. Also, Gone with the Wind is referenced.

You can almost hear Jeremiah Crane sobbing from here
You can almost hear Jeremiah Crane sobbing from here

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