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CMLL Running Diary: Cult's Birthday Edition

Updated on March 31, 2017

Many people don't know this, but tomorrow, April 1st, is my birthday. No this is not an April Fools joke and yes, you have no idea how many of those I've gotten over the years. Never the less tomorrow is the day where I get one day closer to grey hairs and adult diapers (look at me getting all dark) and I thought it be fitting if we did something to celebrate the occasion. Well guess what; CMLL is about to start and I can't think of a better way to ring in another year on this mortal coil than spending some quality time with lucha libre, all while I try to put a smile on at least one person's face. So with that, let's get the party started. Moses, get that extra special meme. It's my birthday after all.

10:35: We're live, we're done promoting and we're already missing the first match between Stukita and Ultimo Dragoncito against Pequeno Nitro and Mercurio. Nice job Cult.


10:39: Still getting organized! The rudos took fall one after a Nitro Splash on Ultimo and Mercurio powerbombing Stukita into Nitro's knees. Or was it legs. We're off to a great start here! May be already time to retire the birthday running diary. Oh, before I forget, here's the link to the show if you want to watch!

10:40: Seems like Estrellita is on commentary. Who cares as the rudos connect with an awesome Doomsday Device?!


10:41: THAT'S a kick to the dome followed by a weird ass dance and some ass biting...it's exactly what it sounds like.


10:42: RALLY TIME!


10:43: MONKEY FLIP ON THE STAGE! STUKITA SPLASH OFF THE BARRICADE!

10:44: Stukita hits the triple jump moonsault, followed by Ultimo rolling up Mercurio with a pitch perfect hurricanrana. We're tied! That fall couldn't have ended any better. Great work from Stukita and Ultimo.


10:45: LOL at Mercurio chilling on the steps. Stukita comes out to humiliate him. Bad form Stukita, bad form. Meanwhile Ultimo and Nitro are getting things going in the ring.


10:46: Feed froze and came back in a matter of seconds. We apparently missed Ultimo owning Nitro a bit because he's continuing to do so here.


10:47: HOTTEST OF DAMNS DID NITRO GO ALL IN ON THAT ATTEMPTED CORNER SPEAR!


10:47: TRANQUILLO MERCURIO!


10:48: Nitro now trying his luck with Stukita. He at least gets him out of the ring before Ultimo sends him out of the ring. Mercurio comes in for some stomps and his best Jack Nicholson in Batman impression.


10:49: Weird Nitro pin attempt is broke up by Ultimo. Mercurio then comes in to break up his submission. And so the "break up the fall" attempts portion of the match has begun.


10:50: This match has been delightfully weird hasn't it? Sadly the end has come after Nitro hits Stukita with a Codebreaker and Mercurio sends Ultimo packing with a Package Piledriver. Those ass biting rudos win! Like I said, delightfully weird match with a really strong ending to fall two. Otherwise this was a meh burger with cheese. If this wasn't my birthday I'd see myself out about now.


10:55: Jarochita, Skadi and Sugehit take on Tiffany, Amapola and the Queen of Lucha Libre Zeuxis are next. Thank you CMLL for giving me the gift of watching Zeuxis on my birthday; it almost makes up for Valiente never wearing pants. Almost.


10:56: Just totally realized that Amapola should probably be in Florida right now getting ready to fight Marcela. Maybe she's taking the same red eye as Taven? In any event, Zeuxis (in Joker inspired gear) and Sugehit are captains. I wonder if the feud is continuing!


10:57: You can tell CMLL thinks so highly of Jarochita by placing her against Tiffany to start. You bet your ass that was sarcasm. On the plus side, at least I'm spelling Jarochita's name right!


10:59: Jarochita tried her ass off there. Tiffany...did not. Thank Grodd Amapola is in now.


11:00: Skadi now in with Amapola and immediately connects with a stiff forearm and a running dropkick. ENTER THE QUEEN!


11:01: HOT DAMN! Skadi just hit the Queen with a hurricanrana. Zeuxis counters with a dropkick and THE KNEES, which brings Sugehit into the ring!

11:01: Zeuxis and Sugehit go back and forth and end up brawling on the floor. In the ring Amapola and Tiffany hit a double Suplex on Skadi, followed by Amapola rolling her up with La Casita for the pin. Jarochita comes in for an arm drag, but she stalls going to the top and is pinned by Tiffany following...some kind of powerbomb. I'm like Jim Ross knowing the names of moves! In any event the rudas are up 1-0 after a solid first fall.


11:04: Fall two begins with the rudas taking it to Skadi. And by that I mean Zeuxis dropkicking her off the face of the earth! And now it's Jarochita's turn!


11:05: BOW DOWN TO THE M-FING QUEEN SUGEHIT!


11:06: Uh oh!

11:06: A Skadi outburst totally turned the tide for this match. Jarochita ends up hitting a super cool moonsault on Tiffany amidst the chaos, followed by Skadi taking out Amapola with a double underhook backbreaker for the tie. Turns out Jarochita also got a pretty sick kick in on Tiffany as well! Solid fall. If only they had replaced Tiffany with Dalys or Metalica eh?


11:08: THE QUEEN AND SUGEHIT WILL START...until Sugehit tags Skadi in instead. The Queen cares little and dropkicks her anyway for a near fall. Skadi is similarly unimpressed with this and does the old Powerbomb into the knee move! Amapola saves the day.


11:10: Tiffany and Skadi; you have chosen poorly CMLL. Luckily Jarochita is in to save us, followed by Amapola coming in to save Tiffany and plant Jarochita with a Blue Thunder Bomb. Sugehit makes the save.


11:10: IT'S ON AGAIN! AND THE QUEEN IS GOING FOR THE MASK! AND NOW SUGEHIT IS GOING FOR THE MASK!


11:11: Wait...apparently Sugehit got the mask because Edgar is calling for a DQ! The Queen wins. IN YO FACE SUGEHIT! My happiness aside I feel that might've been a blown spot there; seems like there was more action left and the mask unfortunately was loosened to much that it fell off. Aside from that the match was fine and the Sugehit-Zeuxis feud is in full swing...provided Sugehit doesn't go after Edgar first! Look at that near brawl between the two!


11:17: The good news; all three Panthers, Sanson and El Cuatrero are in this match! The bad news; Mascara Ano 2000 is in for Forastero. Even when we win we lose. Mascara Ano 2000 and Blue Panther are captains because DUH!


11:18: Looks like Blue Panther has more hair than usual. Has to get it fully grown for when he faces Daniel Bryan at the Anniversary Show next year! Panther and Sanson start off and it appears Panther now has an outfit with straps. He has chosen...to be determined.


11:20: All hell almost breaks loose after Panther gets Sanson in an arm bar. Instead everyone calms down and we're now getting Blue Panther and Cuatrero. Interesting; would've thought it be Junior and Cuatrero while the old dudes matched up.


11:21: IT'S A PREVIEW OF BRYAN-BLUE PANTHER RIGHT NOW! Or it was till Ano and Sanson came in to triple team the legend. Junior finally gets in but its three on one and he's quickly the victim of a Los Cientificos double team and a Mascara Ano senton. To the showers with you Junior! Sanson and Cuatrero continue the success with that backbreaker/elbow drop combo of there's and that's fall one. Good start.


11:24: Junior is sent over the barricade to begin fall two! Promising start.


11:25: Now poor Junior is getting triple teamed! His suffering ends with a double...double axe handle by Sanson and Cuatrero while Mascara Ano held him in the ropes. Man that was a tongue twister.


11:26: PANTHER TURNS THE TIDE! With Sanson and Cuatrero on the outside dealing with Blue Panther and Junior, Panther suddenly caught Mascara Ano off guard, hit a clothesline and then nailed that awesome dropkick from the top on the vet to steal the fall. Nice out of nowhere end. Onto fall three we go, if Junior can stop kicking Sanson's ass that is.


11:28: Feels like the right time to break this one out.

11:29: All hail The Panther!


11:29: All hail Junior!


11:30: OLD MAN LUCHA FIGHT! Well it was till Sanson and Cuatrero broke it up. Luckily Junior is in to save his dad from taking the defeat!


11:31: Back and forth and back and forth we go.


11:32: PANTHER FROG SPLASH! ROLL UPS! GAH! The triple pin will not happen today.


11:32: DID JUNIOR JUST DO A HURRICANRANA ROLL UP?! HE DID! Sadly that will not do it either.


11:32: JUNIOR SUICIDA! CUATRERO CROSSBODY! PANTHER SUICIDA! PANTHER SUICIDA THE SEQUEL! IT'S ALL COMING UP AWESOME!


11:33: And now it's coming up lame. Mascara Ano 2000 gets Blue Panther to tap to give the rudos the victory. Super fun match...until the wrong guy won. Come on CMLL; how is Daniel Bryan supposed to be scared of Blue Panther when he can't even beat Mascara Ano 2000?!


11:36: Reyes del Aire was announced for next week. I'm sorry, what I meant to say was REYES DEL AIRE WAS ANNOUNCED FOR NEXT WEEK!

11:40: Now that I've finished waking the neighbors marking out, let's get back to the show. Marco Corleone, Maximo and Volador Jr. are taking on Kraneo, Mephisto and whatever name Pierroth is going by now. Whatever it is he's still the opposite of one of those products when it changes it's label; new name, same shitty luchador.


11:40: Update; he's still Pierroth. I think this meme will sum up my feelings nicely.

11:42: The Artist Still Known as Pierroth and Volador are captains and good Grodd I hope that means Volador doesn't have to feud with him. Wasn't Yoshitatsu enough horror for that man?! Maximo and Kraneo start this match off with the usual comedy by the way.


11:43: Volador and Mephisto are now in. Cherish these moments, especially since this one only lasted a moment before Marco and Pierroth entered. Luckily Pierroth is disposed of quick and the next thing you know Marco is splashing Mephisto and Kraneo from the stage to give the technicos the 1-0 lead. Painlessly quick first fall.


11:45: Marco and MIJE to start fall two. Well until Mephisto kicks Mije out. Careful with that one Mephisto; he's vicious I hear!


11:46: Marco and Mephisto doing height based comedy because why not? It climaxes with Marco high fiving Mephisto while he stands on the top rope, which upsets Mephisto enough to finally go medieval on his ass.


11:47: MIJE SLAPS MARCO AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! IN YO FACE MARCO!


11:48: My Grodd; the air Mije got when Marco tossed him into the air! That might be the moment of the show. Certainly the moment of this match now that Maximo and Pierroth are in.


11:49: Volador in to do awesome shit. Sadly Pierroth dropkicks both him and Maximo instead and is now taking it to Marco while Volador is crotched hard by Mephisto on the barricade.


11:50: STOP STEALING YOUR SON'S MOVES PIERROTH! Meanwhile Volador is nailed with a Devil's Wings from the top and a Kraneo Big Splash! That'll do for this fall. This isn't a technical masterpiece by any means but it's been entertaining. And that's even with Pierroth doing his usual Pierroth shit.


11:51: Rudo beat down to start fall three? Rudo beat down to start fall three.


11:52: Mije with a splash onto Volador's nuts!


11:53: That may be the last great moment for the rudos in this match as the comeback is on! Or more appropriately the Marco, Maximo, Volador pose off was on.


11:54: Now the comeback is on...until Pierroth kicks Maximo in the nuts because it appears they were taking too long to finish the fall for his liking. Alright then. Entertaining match till whatever that was. All the more reason Pierroth needs to just leave and never return.


11:59: The super weird team of Stuka Jr., Valiente and Diamante Azul take on the super great team of Rey Bucanero, Negro Casas and Bucanero's old friend Ultimo Guerrero. How glad must Diamante be to be free of Pierroth, I say before Pierroth inevitably interferes here and kills our spirit.


12:01: Diamante and UG are captains. Tirantes is also the ref, which means Edgar is getting to ref the main event. Good call CMLL! Another good call is made with Casas and Stuka starting this match. Also just realized it's officially April 1st! Time to get narcissistic up in here!

12:03: Quick segment from Stuka and Casas before they give way to Diamante and Bucanero. Even with Buc's limitations the action has already been a million times better than what Diamante was doing with Pierroth.


12:04: That segment was even shorter! Old enemies UG and Valiente are in for a sequence that lasts even shorter before UG sends Valiente to the floor and then into the stands!


12:05: Shit goes from wrong to wronger in the ring for the technicos, with Stuka and Diamante getting triple teamed to death.


12:05: OLD SCHOOL UG AND REY REY BUC!


12:06: UG taps out Stuka and Bucanero rolls up Valiente to secure fall one for the rudos. Okay start. Seems to be the theme for tonight's show; everything has been solid, nothing has quite reached greatness, with the possible exception of the Panthers-Dinamita match.


12:08: UG and Bucanero turning back the clock with some double teams on Valiente to start fall two.


12:08: MISS! UG crashed into the post, fell out of the ring and got squashed by an awesome Valiente suicide dive. Stuka followed that with a Stuka Splash on Bucanero (set up by Diamante) and Diamante then submitted Casas with a modified Torture Rack. Very quick fall, but decent while it lasted. Really liked the Bucanero/UG team up for that brief moment.


12:11: Casas and Stuka begin fall three by slapping the shit out of each other! Casas then HITS A HURRICANRANA...except he doesn't because Stuka did a handspring out of it. Dammit Stuka!


12:12: Now Stuka's faking dives. Way to bum us all out twice in the span of a minute Stuka!


12:13: DIAMANTE MONKEY FLIP FOR THE WIN! Casas then almost does an awesome armbar on Diamante while he's caught in the ropes, but Diamante powers out for a one armed slam. Good sequence that was, if I can break out my Yoda speak.


12:14: The rudos take turns getting owned by Valiente. That was pretty much it. Casas and Diamante are now back in, with Casas trying (and failing) to take Diamante down.


12:15: CASAS SENTON...IS CAUGHT! Diamante sends him into the turnbuckle. Back in the ring Bucanero is FLUNG onto Diamante on the floor, followed by Stuka hitting Bucanero with a moonsault! Valiente takes advantage of the chaos to submit UG! The streak of Valiente beating UG in meaningless matches continues! Good match; Diamante looked the best he has in months (being free of Pierroth will do that) and everyone else was in fine form. Considering Reyes del Aire is next week, Valiente's win here may be a big deal.


12:17: Ladies and gentlemen...we're here. Rush vs. Matt Taven II!

12:20: Rush takes his time getting to the ring...and Taven wastes no time once he gets there, diving out of the ring onto the ramp to take Rush out! Rush manages to get the action back into the ring momentarily before Taven tosses him to the floor. Rush avoids dive number two, but can't avoid the Beautiful Disaster Kick from the barricade!


12:21: Holy shit; Taven is doing the EXACT SAME THING Rush did to him during the first match! Beauty.


12:22: The tide has turned! Taven misses a double stomp, Rush dropkicks Taven into the corner and then hits the corner dropkick! Just like that Taven is down 1-0! I liked how they had Taven come out like a house of fire, doing exactly to Rush what Rush did to him in match one, and Rush fighting back anyway to steal the fall. Good start to this match.


12:24: Rush is now taking this fight into the crowd. Turn about is fair fucking play ain't it?


12:25: I swear; every time someone's head is slammed into the announcer's booth it sounds more painful than the last. Crowd is white hot for this all by the by.


12:26: Rush actually has Taven in an armbar! That's a sentence I never expected to say in this match! He quickly has Taven in trouble in the corner...but Taven gets up before the dropkick and hits a superkick and Beautiful Disaster! He follows it with one of the best Frog Splashes you'll ever see and we, are, TIED! Another strong fall. They're on their way to equaling the first match.


12:27: Fall three; FIGHT!


12:28: We have a slap fight, with Rush questioning Taven's testicular fortitude! Rush quickly takes Taven down and it's Ingobernables taunt time! Crowd is NUCLEAR hot.


12:28: Taven with a HUGE knee to the face! Only two.


12:30: Taven with an elbow from the outside, but his Lionsault is blocked! Taven barely gets out before the three and Rush is unhappy with poor Edgar! Taven gets up and walks into a Rush Belly to Belly, but again Taven is out! IT'S A TIGHT ONE!


12:30: Rush is being Rush. Taven doesn't take to well to this and I think it's time for Slap Fight II: Electric Boogaloo!


12:31: DOUBLE HEADBUTT!

12:32: Taven suicide dive! Would've been absolutely perfect but his foot caught the ropes at the end. He gets Rush back in and goes for another Frog Splash but this time crashes and burns! Rush is going for the Rush Driver...Taven blocks it! BLUE THUNDER BOMB! Rush manages to stop Edgar's count before three!


12:34: TAVEN FROG SPLASH NUMBER TWO! FUCK! Pierroth is out and distracts Edgar before the three!


12:34: Rush and Pieroth double team Taven on the ramp before throwing Taven back in. Rush goes for a kick...BLOCKED! Taven rolls up Rush and gets his feet up on the ropes! HE WINS! TAVEN WINS! The series is tied at two!


12:36: Rush is on the mic and he is PISSED! Taven comes back out and I get the feeling we are about to get a hair vs. hair challenge.


12:37: I don't understand a lick of Spanish; I still know that promo by Rush kicked ass. Taven doesn't seem to care and doesn't answer Rush's challenge.


12:38: WAIT! Taven has the mic! He's come back for one reason and that's to get revenge on Rush. Tonight he did. LOL at Taven telling Edgar to hold Rush. Taven doesn't care if they don't understand English; he wants them to know when he returns he's beating Rush, he's beating Maximo and he's taking the CMLL World Heavyweight Title. WOW! Someone should tell Paco about this!


12:41: I'm not sure if I'll be the only one or not but I thought that was just as good as the first match right up till Pierroth's interference. Rush and Taven seem to really click well together, and I liked the story of Taven really taking it to Rush to start, Rush then taking it to him and it eventually devolving into a back and forth slug fest. I could've lived without Pierroth interfering and that brings this match down for me a tad, but overall this was super good, the right guy won and these two should have at least one more really good match in them when Taven eventually returns. Strong close to CMLL for a show that was otherwise good but unmemorable.


That's game sports fans. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'll be back either Sunday or Monday morning to preview CMLL's Puebla show. Till then, a special reminder for Daniel Bryan.

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