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CMLL Super Viernes Preview: Master of the Universe
You know what I realized this week; stopping the CMLL preview columns was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sure it’s cut down on my content, combined with CMLL being so lame in recent weeks that I can’t find it in me to do reviews, but at least now I’m keeping myself from saying the same fucking things over and over and over again column after column. Well at least I was till today. Why? Because I’m bringing back the CMLL preview for tomorrow’s Super Mega Super Viernes show. Again you may be asking why? Well, because it’s actually a big show, featuring the crowning of a new CMLL Universal Champion, several potential gems along the card and an actual hair vs. hair match. Of course that match is between black holes of talent, but hey, can’t win ‘em all right? Honestly I’m just glad CMLL decided not to run Pierroth vs. Vangellys on iPPV; that would’ve led to me boycotting yet another big CMLL show this year on the grounds that I cannot give money to a company that puts Pierroth in headlining matches. And with that, I can think of no better thing to do than to start this column. Moses, get on your bike and meme!
Astral, Sensei, Star Jr. vs. Akuma, Arkángel de la Muerte, Metálico
What to Expect: Did you want a hot start for this show? TOO BAD FUCKERS! Instead you’re getting a really great talent in Star Jr. being forced to work alongside used future Rey Samuray and whatever superhero Astral is aping these days to take on Akuma and two grumpy old luchadors, one of whom makes Pierroth look like Russell Crowe in Cinderella Man. Is there any chance Arkángel can get lost on the way to Arena Mexico again? Barring that or Sensei being replaced with Rey Samuray, your best bet is to close your eyes and hope this is over soon. That or hope that Star Jr. is going to go nuts because this is a semi-big show and Star Jr. is awesome. He’s like Obi-Wan Kenobi in this match, and if you don’t get where that reference is going then you don’t get to go see War of the Planet of the Apes with me this weekend.
Winners: And to think I would never say this phrase again; when in doubt, go with the bloody rudos. They win this in three falls when Arkángel pins Star Jr., leading to me being arrested after I throw my computer out my window and through the window of the house next door. I should get to work on my apology note now.
La Vaquerita, Marcela, Silueta vs. Amapola, Dalys, Zeuxis
What to Expect: Hey, it’s five good to great luchadoras…and La Vaquerita. Seriously, I know Princesa Sugehit is busy losing to Toni Storm or whoever this weekend because WWE is dumber than a bag of hammers (seriously; YOU PICKED SUGEHIT OVER THE QUEEN? All hail my ass) but Vaquerita? Is Sanely too busy re-learning to run the ropes to get this spot? Hell what about Jarochita? I know Dalys nearly paralyzed her from the neck down a week ago, but other than that she seems to be really good. Not good enough to spare us from Vaquerita doing her Hayden Christensen impression I guess.
Wait, why am I getting so bent out of shape? Sure Vaquerita is meh, but she’s only one part of this match whereas the other five parts are pretty good. Amapola is going to do her usual Amapola things well, Dalys and Marcela are usually good together as long as Marcela knows when to kick out of pinfalls and there’s no luchadora in CMLL more underrated than Silueta, who is always good and never used enough (how she got passed over for Sugehit in the Mae Young Classic is a question only Sarah Stock can answer). And of course Zeuxis, the Queen herself, is here and I’m betting she’s gonna have a little extra “oomph” on this show to prove that WWE made the wrong choice by having their trainers pick friends over more deserving talent. I won’t guarantee that this match is worth your time because Vaquerita could get ten minutes of action while Dalys and Marcela have an off night, but this has the pieces to be an above average luchadoras match. And come on; it’s got Zeuxis. She could be working Skadi, Dana Brooke, Nia Jax and Shelly Martinez in a Tornado 4 on 1 Handicap match and I’d watch. I believe in her that much.
Winners: Just because it’s been awhile since I last did one of these doesn’t mean things have changed that much sports fans. In other words, I still never, EVER, bet against the Queen of Lucha Libre. Thus, Team Zeuxis wins after she puts Silueta down with a Package Piledriver. Why that move? Cause it feels like I haven’t seen Zeuxis break it out in awhile. Now feels like a good time.
Blue Panther, Diamante Azul, Soberano Jr. vs. Dragón Rojo Jr., Negro Casas, Sam Adonis
What to Expect: This match looked promising back when Mr. Niebla looked to be in it; now that he’s out and Dragón Rojo is in, I can safely say it looks even better! It’s like going from Coke to Pepsi; a small upgrade, but an upgrade none the less. In fact, I’d say this match will probably have a little something for everyone, more so than any match not the main event on this card. Soberano, his Universal tournament match notwithstanding, has been so unstoppable these last few months and I can only imagine he’ll go nuts here for a big show. Rojo will be solid as always. Diamante Azul will be contained to do the stuff he does great, like his power moves, Monkey Flips and running senton off the stage. Negro Casas is Negro Casas; like Pastryland Cake, he never disappoints. All of that will be fun and all of it will pale in comparison to the continued feud between Sam Adonis and Blue Panther. I love these interactions, not only because Sam has become a legend at playing his role but because this feud feels like a throwback. Oh wait, that’s cause it is! The only difference between Blue Panther-Sam Adonis and Blue Panther-Art Barr is that Sam doesn’t have a mask and Sam isn’t named Art Barr. Beyond that this is CMLL wisely remembering they had a super hot angle twenty five years ago and replicating it now with a still great Panther and a white hot Adonis who hasn’t peaked yet. I don’t know where they’re going with this story, but I expect it will continue here and knowing the heat Sam will generate and Panther’s creativity, I have nothing but high hopes. This should be fun.
Winners: Regardless of where we’re going, I like Team Sam in this one. I say he gets the win on Blue Panther with a Trump Card, perhaps after a low blow of some sorts to get even more heat on the angle. From there it’s just about seeing where this goes and hoping CMLL remembers that Blue Panther and Art Barr once moved tickets so well that CMLL had to put a giant video screen up outside Arena Mexico for the thousands of fans that were turned away. I don’t know if Sam-Panther can have the same affect, but it doesn’t hurt to try!
Hair vs. Hair Match
Vangellys vs. Pierroth
What to Expect: You know, if this build had been between anyone other than Vangellys and Pierroth, I think we would’ve all remembered it as being really good. No joke; Vangellys costing Pierroth his spot in the Gran Alternativa with his surprise attack was something unique to CMLL, while the other segments afterwards have been pretty heated. The segments haven’t been bad ideas; the bad idea was having the disasterpiece Pierroth and wannabe M. Bison/Nazi/guy who carries Terrible, Rey Rey Buc and Shocker’s bags around Vangellys as the centerpieces. Put Soberano Jr. and Dragón Rojo Jr. in their place and we’re talking about an interesting angle. Instead we’re now all dreading a fight that may be the closest wrestling ever gets to re-enacting Battlefield Earth.
If that isn’t enough to make you green at the gills folks, how about this; there is no hope for this match. ZERO HOPE, or cero esperanza for our Spanish speaking readers. I have no doubt that Pierroth will bring an effort he normally doesn’t bring and that Vangellys will be trying for the first time in…when was it Máximo defended the Heavyweight Championship against him again? The problem is it won’t matter. Pierroth is still awful whether he’s trying or out to lunch, and Vangellys has regressed so much in recent times that I’m not sure anyone outside of a top level performer could get him to look good these days. So they won’t be getting the job done on face value, and I don’t see how either of them can make this look good going the Rush-L.A. Park route. Basically the only things to look forward to here are a) if Fake Sombra appears again (I don’t think he will) and b) when this match is over. It’s otherwise a waste of time, a waste of an Apuesta match and the only good thing CMLL did with it is put here in the fourth match instead of having it headline. Even still, the fact that Pierroth has now had two (that’s right, TWO!) huge Apuesta matches in CMLL this year while guys like Volador, Cavernario, the UG, Rush, Dragón Lee, Carístico and countless others have had none is a D.B. Cooper level crime. Here’s hoping this is where CMLL puts an end to it.
Winner: Is it too much to hope this ends in a draw and both guys have to get their head shaved ala Blue Panther and Felino? I’m honestly half tempted to go with that result; a win for either guy would suggest another Apuesta match for them down the line, something no one needs to see. Ultimately though I do think Pierroth gets a win of some kind here, winning in three falls after some sort of interference involving Rush and maybe even Fake Sombra. And with that, the bad stuff is over and it’s on to the good stuff! Thank Grodd.
Carístico, Dragón Lee, Mistico vs. Ephesto, Luciferno, Mephisto
What to Expect: Doesn’t it feel like this should be a Mexican National Trios Championship match? Or maybe it’s just me. Either way this should be really fun. All three technicos are a surefire guarantee to bring it here, and for the first time in awhile I have faith in Los Hijos del Infierno as a team. I mean sure, you know Mephisto will be above average because he always is, but Luciferno has surprisingly been effective recently (I thought he was great in his match with Dragón Lee just two weeks ago) and Ephesto…well all he needs to do is his suicide dive and shoulder block and we’re otherwise good to go! There’s no reason to believe this match will be anything other than good, and it may end up being great. At worst, it’ll be a welcome reprieve after the horror Pierroth and Vangellys will have put us through.
Winners: The fact that this match exists and yet isn’t a Trios Championship match leads me to believe that it will indeed be setting up a Trios Championship match for next week’s show (thus giving us two big Friday shows in a row). If that’s the case, then the technicos are taking this one in three falls, I’ll say with Mistico and Carístico getting dueling La Misticas on Ephesto and Luciferno after Dragón Lee has taken Mephisto out with a dive.
CMLL Universal Championship Match
Volador Jr. vs. Último Guerrero
What to Expect: Here it is folks; the big one, the show saver, the match that I’d be a lot more excited about if it didn’t feel like I had seen this match over 9,000 times over the past year. In truth I’ve only seen it three times, but it still feels like quite a bit, especially when UG and Volador are guys who like to go through the same routine every match. That’s the biggest reason why I really, REALLY wanted Soberano to win his block last week. It would’ve given Volador a fresh talent to work with, it would’ve allowed Volador to play the rudo role (which he’s so good at) and most importantly, it would’ve been the best luchador in the world going against the best young luchador in the world and a dude I feel is quickly coming for Volador’s spot. Alas it’s not to be and we’re instead getting a reliable but often seen Volador-UG match instead.
And that’s where the complaints end sports fans. Yes Volador-UG is a match I feel like I’ve seen over 9,000 times; the thing is that all 9,000 times were good! I loved their match in New Japan earlier this year. I really liked the match they had in Arena Puebla what seems like a year ago. And their battle in Arena Mexico just a few days before the 83rd Anniversary Show is an absolute underrated gem of a match. The point is that, while these guys fight a lot and they generally do the same stuff, both guys are so good that it generally doesn’t matter. I expect the same thing here and, honestly, I expect a little more from both guys. This is the first time I recall the two of them facing each other on a Friday show and, most importantly, it’s the first time they’re fighting each other and neither of their single titles are on the line. As such, I think both men will do more (Volador may do a stage dive, a crowd dive and an apron powerbomb) and the result will be less predictable, thus giving us what should be an excellent main event. Good enough to be a Match of the Year contender? Maybe not for some, but it’ll definitely get close at worst. And if that’s not enough to sell you on this match, consider this; it isn’t Pierroth vs. Vangellys. Always remember that the next time you think, “but I’ve seen this match so many times!” Those statements are the kinds that lead to us not having nice things!
Winner: The Universal Championship is a thing Último Guerrero always wins. Unless it’s in Japan, UG-Volador matches are something that Guerrero always wins. All of this leads me to believe that it’s Volador’s time this go around. He’s never won the Universal Championship (and came so close last year before Valiente beat him), he hasn’t beaten UG one on one in Mexico recently…add it up it all spells duh. It won’t shock me if UG takes home the gold, but I’m going with Volador to win in three falls after nailing a reverse hurricanrana after narrowly escaping the Guerrero Special by landing on his feet. Alright, that part won’t happen, but the reverse hurricanrana for the win will. You heard it here first sports fans.
And with that, the jig is up. I’m now off to enjoy a rainy Rhode Island day by watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and maybe even the Heston and Tim Burton Planet of the Apes movies. That’s right; I’m willingly going to watch Tim Burton’s piece of shit Planet of the Apes. Gotta get my material somewhere! Till we meet again tomorrow to review this big CMLL show, THIS!