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CMLL Tuesday: My Heart Will Go On and Lucha!

Updated on December 19, 2017

Last Friday I made a decision; I had gone far too long without doing a CMLL review. I mean sure it was because the Monday and Tuesday shows are like staring into a void that only plays Paulie Shore films, but that excuse only flies for so long. So I set out to do a review of Friday’s show…until I got too tired after the show and fell asleep, followed by a party the next day making me forget all about the column till late Saturday Night. And that’s the story of how my return to reviewing took place tonight, the 20th Aniversario of Titanic’s release in theaters. Needless to say you’re going to be wanting to watch Leo and Kate before they were stars by the time this is over. You know, from all the references. Like this one!

Artillero & Coyote defeated Bengala & Sonic two falls to one

I’m going to be honest; I was in and out on this match due to me reading about James Cameron and the XFL return no one asked for, which I guess answers whether or not this match came close to equaling Friday’s strong opener. In fact, the most interesting things to happen were a) a military dog being shown out on the concourse area and b) Sonic getting hurt AGAIN! Yes, just like last week Sonic the Luchador ended his night grabbing his leg and being rolled over to the CMLL doctor. It’s close enough to last week that I do wonder if maybe it was a work, but I’m going to play on the side of caution and say that Sonic just tweaked the week old injury in a match he probably never should’ve been in. Only in CMLL! Let’s hope he’s okay and that his next time out isn’t a dead end match where no one does anything and our spirit doesn’t sink like Jack Dawson after rigor mortis kicked in. You know, like this match!

Mercurio, Pequeño Nitro, Pierrothito defeated Acero, Aéreo, Shockercito two falls to one

Years from now we’re going to look back on this match and say “so this was the Acero/Aéreo return match that no one wanted!” Well at least that’ll be what the people who noticed they were gone will say; the rest will shrug their shoulders and go back to playing their Sega Dreamcast 2050. I’ll give both Acero and especially Aéreo this however; they were fun to watch in this one, if only because it really has been so long since they’ve been around. Aéreo didn’t miss a beat, hanging right there with Shockercito and Pierrothito as the most exciting luchadors in the match while Acero, amazingly, didn’t look like the clumsiest fool since Tim Blake Nelson in The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I actually saw improvement; IMPROVEMENT FROM ACERO! If that doesn’t give the Sangre Imperial’s of the world hope, I don’t know what will. Of course, slight Acero improvement and Aéreo being cool, combined with Shockercito and Pierrothito looking dope together, didn’t change the fact that this was an all around “just kind of there experience”, with a few spots here to lift us from the doldrums. I will say this though; at least these matches give me the excuse to waste time wondering what the fuck happened to Mercurio? Once upon a time he was a dude who could do tornillos. Now he won’t even bite an opponent’s ass! His spirit is deader than Billy Zane’s career and Billy Zane’s will to recover it. LOVEJOY!

Amapola, Dalys, Reyna Isis defeated Marcela, Princesa Sugehit, Sanely two falls to one

I mean, at least it was interesting right? And when I say interesting, I mean it only in regards to Reyna Isis and Sanely. Amapola, Dalys, Marcela and Sugehit all seem to be on autopilot these days unless they’re in big singles matches and that was no different here, right down to the bizarre abrupt ending where Dalys just pinned Sugehit when it felt like the action was about to pick up. The continued evolution of Reyna and Sanely remains something to watch though and both showed strides tonight. I’m not sure Reyna will ever be great and if she is it’ll be a long time from now, but at least she’s a lot better than before, working with better pace and far more confidence than she did before journeying to Japan. Sanely I thought looked great, trying new stuff (like a springboard crossbody and a Tornado DDT) and also looking more confident. It’s as if confidence is the key to everything! She still needs to learn to run the ropes and all (and good Grodd can we keep her away from Dalys for a bit?) but this was a promising match for her. It’s just a shame no one will remember it because nothing else of note happened. Doesn’t that sum up CMLL something fierce? When the inevitable CMLL biopic is made I bet it’s named Intrigue No One Remembers: The CMLL Story. I expect Billy Zane to play Último Guerrero and Owen Wilson to play UG’s car.

Blue Panther, Mistico, Valiente defeated Johnny Idol, Mr. Niebla, Okumura two falls to one

It was at this point of the review I once again began to question my life choices. Like why I chose to watch this show instead of watching Titanic like I probably should’ve? Say what you will about James Cameron’s greatest accomplishment, but at least the film is gorram exciting. The only exciting moments in this match were Niebla slipping on the apron, a brief Mistico/Valiente dive sequence and…yeah that’s it. It was the equivalent of freezing to death in the North Atlantic with your love interest, finding a door for you both to float on only “it only fits one” and you’re left to meet your maker. See what I did there?


But yeah, this was, as Sonic the Hedgehog and Luchador would say, no good. I get that Idol, Mistico, Ok and Valiente were in a holding pattern and all but that doesn’t mean they had to be limited to just two dives and a long, boring rudo beat down. Give us some excitement dammit! And if they weren’t going to do it, then why the hell weren’t Panther and Niebla given a shot? You’re telling me Blue Panther and Mr. Niebla, two luchadors who are always entertaining either by performance or merely existing, couldn’t have made something out of a few extra minutes? This is why we can’t have nice things sports fans. Instead we get decidedly mediocre things with one cool moment and then an abrupt end. The only good thing I can say is this was the last part of the show that made me hate myself (hopefully).

Volador Jr. defeated Sam Adonis two falls to one

Hot damn did this show need what came after that trios match. First we got a great scene where members of the Mexican military were brought out for a well done ceremony, which got the Arena Mexico crowd psyched for the first time all night. No sooner did that end did we get the match I was hoping from Volador and Sam. I’m sure there will be some out there who didn’t like it as much as I did and Volador wearing his shirt throughout is sure to get “eh, he wasn’t really trying” critiques but, in the words of Dave Chappelle, so the fuck what? I enjoyed the hell out of this match. The crowd was into it, Volador was good even if he wasn’t doing dives into the crowd and once again, Sam Adonis proved he belonged on this stage both from getting the crowd into it (the festivities helped, but still) and by hanging with Volador. This was without a doubt the best I’ve seen of Sam since he arrived in CMLL, even compared to his Blue Panther match; it was the perfect mix of a guy being really good in the ring and really good at making sure the crowd was invested in every move. Throw in Volador and Sam clicking very well and Edgar doing a million times better than Tirantes did in the Sam-Panther match and this was a great time. They probably could do even better if given another opportunity as well; imagine if this had been on Friday and was an Apuesta match of sorts. I don’t know if we’ll ever get that, but if not at least we got a really strong match between these two with a satisfying conclusion for Arena Mexico fans.

Pierroth, Rush, Terrible defeated Cavernario, Negro Casas, Último Guerrero two falls to one

Like Bill Paxton as as Brock Lovett, this was better than it had any right to be. Unlike Bill Paxton as Brock Lovett, it was not nearly as unintentionally entertaining unless you count the part where Cav and Terrible re-enacted the kissing scenes between Cyndee and Brandon from Kimmy Schmidt. Sorry guys; it’s just too hard to compete with not finding the Heart of the Ocean and being insulted by this line.

Anyways, I enjoyed this! I probably shouldn’t have seeing as not a whole lot happened aside from CMLL building to Rush-UG 900K (SERIOUSLY?!), but I guess the last match (plus the pre and post match festivities) left me in a good enough mood that this didn’t bug me. There was some good stuff too; I loathe seeing Rush-UG again, but there was at least some life in their interactions. There was without question life in everything Terrible did. He and Cavernario worked seamlessly together in their brief third fall sequence (creep moment included) and the ten seconds the Terrible-Casas slap sequence lasted was pretty dope. If only CMLL had decided to build towards one of those matches instead of the Rush-UG remake of the Rush-UG remake that no one in the world asked for. In any event, let’s hope the teases to that snooze fest were just that and this match goes down in history as a forgettable yet tolerable Tuesday show main event after a really good Volador-Sam Adonis match. Naturally I now expect Rush-UG to happen on January 2nd while I make the same face Bernard Hill made when he was told the ship would sink in an hour or two by Jack Bristow. I believe you will get your headlines indeed, Mr. Alonso.

And scene. That’ll do it for me sports fans, but I’ll return on Thursday with the final chapter of my cult DDP-Randy Savage series. With any luck, thirty people combined have read both columns by now! Till Thursday, one more Titanic gif for the road!

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