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CMLL Puebla Preview: Meh

Updated on September 11, 2016

So it begins; another lucha libre week full of wackiness and Spider-Man memes from yours truly! The work is never done boys and girls and we’re kicking off the week with a preview of tomorrow’s CMLL Puebla. Or should I say “The day CMLL creative Said ‘Fuck It’, Threw a Bunch of Weird Match Ups Together and Threw Themselves Into Paco Alonso’s Moat”. Forgive the Dr. Strangelove length title but it’s true; this CMLL Puebla (aside from a very intriguing Lightning Match) looks less like the competent wrestling cards of the last few weeks and more like the Lethal Lottery gone terribly wrong. Sure tomorrow may end up being a good show, but right now it sure as hell doesn’t look like it. That makes me a sad previewing panda and who in their right mind wants to be a sad previewing panda? Sigh. Alright enough of my troubles. Let’s get this over with so I can go back to convincing Bray Wyatt to come to Lucha Underground. Moses; keep meming, meming, meming, meming, WHAT! And now I feel shame for doing that.

Millenium & Zaeta Roja vs. Rey Apocalipsis & Toro Bill Jr.

What to Expect: Just your standard CMLL opener featuring the wonderfully named Toro Bill and Mr. A THOUSAND YEARS IS OVAH! No I am not letting go of that Millenium quote, at least not until Millenium settles on how to spell his name. Wasn’t it just Millennium last week or something? Pick the amount of m’s you want and be done with it man!

Winners: Team Millenium. THE LOSING STREAK IS OVAH! Honestly I’m not sure there was even a losing streak; I just really wanted to use that line!

Black Tiger, Starman, Tigre Rojo Jr. vs. Cancerbero, King Jaguar, Raziel

What to Expect: In the words of Jeff Goldblum right before his caravan was knocked off that Isla Sorna ledge, “hang on, this is gonna get bad.” I’m serious; I can’t find any redeeming qualities about this match aside from the presence of Tigre Rojo Jr. and maybe Cancerbero if the effort level is up. The problem is that he’s going against two technicos who love to essay Buffy Summers’ “Going Through the Motions” and I somehow doubt they’re going to break their monotony this evening. The best case scenario here is that Starman gets lost on his way to Arena Puebla and is replaced by Star Jr. or Soberano Jr., followed by him and Rojo knocking it out of the park. Otherwise…I’ll let the Shaun give out that advice.

Winners: This is usually a rule for the opener but I’ll apply it here too; when in doubt, go with the rudos. They win and we shall all move on. NEXT!

Lightning Match

Princesa Sugehit vs. Zeuxis

What to Expect: Here it is folks; the break from mediocrity, the light over at the Frankenstein place (music and lyrics by Richard O’Brien). I’m a little surprised we’re actually getting this match in Puebla but it’s at least nice to see CMLL continuing it, especially after Zeuxis and Sugehit were by far the two best performers in their Anniversary Show match. I’m not sure we can expect anyone being flung into the crowd for this one but it should still be fire. Sugehit is the best technica in CMLL while Zeuxis is the best luchadora in the world today; you just know they’ll deliver the goods, likely at an excellent pace given the limited amount of time. The only thing left to be determined is whether CMLL is truly setting up a big match between these two in the next few weeks or if this is the only taste we get. Note to Paco Alonso; please let it be the former!

Winner: Come on people; you should know by now that I never bet against the Queen. Zeuxis will take this one after she destroys Sugehit with the knees of doom, but the match will be so good that, out of the goodness of her heart, the Queen will give Sugehit a title match anyway. Yes I’m completely biased and I don’t care who knows it!

Ángel de Oro, Rey Cometa, Stigma vs. Dragón Rojo Jr., Niebla Roja, Skándalo

What to Expect: The best thing about this match is that, from what I’ve heard, Ángel de Oro will be competing in it, a welcome bit of news after it looked like he’d seriously hurt himself this past Friday in Arena Mexico. Its excellent news for him and for this match as his talent will be needed. I could honestly see this one going either way; there are some really talented dudes here in Oro, Cometa and Rojo Jr., but the rest of the guys are either hit or miss (Stigma, Roja) or are only useful in the shortest of bursts (Skándalo). The best case scenario here is that Stigma and Roja step up, Skándalo stays far away, Oro wrestlers like he’s healthy and we get a large dose of Cometa flying around with Rojo. Do that and this match will be solid. Do anything else and it’ll be time to break out that gif of L.A. Park bashing in El Hijo del Santo’s head with the trash can.

Winners: I was dead off on this last week but I can’t shake the feeling that sooner or later CMLL is going to set up a title defense for Rojo, who seems to be more active on all three shows recently. I’m not saying they do it here but don’t be surprised if something is set up with him and Cometa. At worst those two will be the ones involved in the finish, with Cometa getting the win for the technicos.

Euforia, Máximo Sexy, Último Guerrero vs. Marco Corleone, Pierroth, Rey Escorpión

What to Expect: Take away Pierroth and this looks to be a pretty damn good match, with the new Los Ingobernables mixing it up with an old Ingobernables member in Marco. The problem is you can’t take away Pierroth and CMLL insists on using him heavily in every match, which means it’ll likely be no different here. Cthulhu willing they will wise up and limit Pierroth to next to nothing, allowing Marco and Escorpión to tangle with an excellent Máximo/Guerreros unit. Otherwise expect this to be a long, occasionally painful journey. Gorramit CMLL; you put together all these great shows only to then give us this one with more weird pairings than the last speed dating venture my pal Skitz took part in? You know this sort of thing never works out!

Winners: The technicos should win just on the fact that no Pierroth team deserves a victory unless Rush is involved. Rush isn’t involved and so the technicos will win. Let’s move on before I get one of them aneurysms Kurt Cobain used to sing about.

Carístico, Mistico, Volador Jr. vs. Mr. Niebla, Negro Casas, Shocker

What to Expect: You’d think we have finally reached the Promised Land with this main event. And if you look at that technico team it be easy to see why; Carístico, Mistico and Volador?! ON THE SAME TEAM?! Not since Buffy put the Scooby’s together has there been a team I’ve admired so much. Naturally how does CMLL choose to use this dream team? By putting them against Negro Casas, Mr. Niebla and the scourge of the known universe known as Shocker. Goodbye Scooby gang, hello 2011 Charlie’s Angels.

Alright maybe that’s a little too harsh on the rudo team. I love Negro Casas. I frequently enjoy Mr. Niebla, even when he’s more shtick than anything else. And hell CMLL has even gotten me to not hate Shocker as much recently with the booking in his last two matches. But come on guys; you get a good thing going with a potential Mistico-Casas program and you follow it up by including a comedy luchador and a guy who needs to be heavily protected just to be seen as mediocre?! Not that I wish the preceding match even more harm but CMLL really should’ve traded UG and Euforia for Niebla and Shocker so they could team with Negro. Not much you can do now I suppose, and I’ll say this; Shocker’s inclusion in this match (and his connection to Negro via their Tag Team Championship reign) does add another direction his match can go into. I guess we’ll just have to see if Carístico or Volador interact with Shocker as much as Mistico does with Negro here. Either way as long as Shocker is booked like he has been and Niebla finds a way to mix the shtick in well this match should be fine. The technicos and Casas are simply too good for this match to be anything less, and the continuation of Mistico-Casas should definitely help.

Winners: Negro may have lost last week but he got the upper hand on Mistico via the DQ finish, and there’s little chance they’re stretching this quick feud out past next week. So CMLL is going to go with one of two scenarios that end with a technicos victory; Mistico pinning Casas to set up a singles match next week, or one of Mistico’s partners pinning Shocker followed by Mistico pinning Casas to set up a tag team titles match. I honestly would be just fine with the latter scenario provided Carístico is the one teaming with Mistico (so many possibilities!) and it wouldn’t shock me. That said I still feel the end game as of now is Mistico-Casas, which means Mistico will get the pin here and issue the usual post match challenge that gets accepted by Casas. After that next Monday night cannot come fast enough!

That’s it boys and girls. I’ll be back tomorrow with a CMLL Tuesday preview, a review of this CMLL Puebla show and FINALLY my closing ceremony column for LuchaPalooza. There shall be no more delays! Till then, the web slinga!

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