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CMLL Puebla: The Return Will Be Televised (Unfortunately)

Updated on January 8, 2018

Hey guys! CMLL Puebla is back! Are you excited? No? Really? Alright I'll stop now. I too wasn't looking forward to the return of CMLL's usual Monday stream, but hey; maybe a new year was going to mean a whole new CMLL Puebla. You never know right? As it turns out, everything is the same; the opener sucks, one or two guys are trying and doing cool stuff and everyone else is pretty much reciting the lyrics to Lostprophet's "Last Train Home" song as they slog through their match. And yet I decided to review this show anyway, as opposed to continue my column about the 2005-06 Edmonton Oilers. There's always tomorrow for that I suppose. For now, let's just get things over with. Moses, MEME TIME!

Ares & Guerrero Especial defeated Centella Roja & Vega two falls to one

All you need to know about this match is that I spent the entire time a) wondering why I didn’t just keep writing about hockey and b) feeling bad for Old Man Roja and Vega. Say what you will about Roja, but the dude is always trying and Vega is one of the few opening match Puebla guys who looks like he may have something. Naturally both guys spent the match selling for Ares and Especial, two guys who have the combined talent of Paulie Shore and the interest level of Hayden Christensen. The only thing they’re good for is being even worse than usual, which they somehow were here. Why CMLL continues to book these guys and why they continue to let them have offense blows my mind, and I guess will continue to do so till they finally ride off in the sunset while the rest of us celebrate. The point is, this sucked, Centella Roja and Vega deserve better and Ares and Guerrero Especial deserve to disappear into the wilderness and never return. Can we make that Paco? I don’t ask for much.

Flyer, Millenium, Pegasso defeated Fuerza Chicana, Hijo del Signo, Policeman two falls to one

This match was all about Flyer, with a dash of Millenium and a hint of Hijo del Signo sprinkled in. I say that because Millenium had a pretty cool springboard arm drag during the first fall while Signo, who I was under the impression had the athleticism of straw, actually hit a pretty impressive Canadian Destroyer in this match. Of course he only did so because Flyer was taking the bump on that, maybe we don’t give him credit for that. In any event, that segues into the true star of the match which was Flyer by a country mile. Not just because he was the best guy in the match either (he was); Flyer was actively trying the best he could and while he didn’t do slingshot rana’s or death defying Asai Moonsaults, he made up for it by doing little but cool things like the double jump crossbody, a wild yet tight running rana, the surprising dive and just overall doing his best to make the other luchadors look good. It was quite the complete performance from a performer who, ever since that excellent Tuesday match with Akuma, Robin, Astral, Templario and Espanto Jr., has looked like a more confident and more complete worker. It won’t be remembered by many weeks from now and, overall, the match itself wasn’t anything to be remembered by. But some of the most important work a luchador will do is in the matches that won’t be great and won’t be remembered. What Flyer did here shows a continued evolution in a performer who just gets better and better, and (not that I needed it) it only makes me more excited to see what he does next time out.

Guerrero Maya Jr., Stigma, Stuka Jr. defeated Hechicero, Pólvora, Universo 2000 Jr. two falls to one

Watching this match was like the Broad City episode where Abbi dances around the apartment naked to Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory”, only if you took that scene out because you were a terrible person. It would still be good and all, but it’s not the same thing as watching Abbi celebrate Bevers being gone to the Gags. Watch the clip if you don’t believe me.

Anyways, this match definitely needed an “Edge of Glory” style moment to completely pull me in. It was solid overall, thanks to Guerrero Maya and Hechicero have a great mini match where they did things super smooth and super cool as they always do. But besides that it just…didn’t have any oomph I guess. Stuka did stuff (as he does), Stigma had some cool moments before reminding us that his suicide dive is such an eyesore that he may as well do Brillo Dorada full time, Pólvora’s highlight was his gun not going off and Universo 2000 Jr. was so insignificant that I’m pretty sure I forgot he was involved at one point. That’s not a bad thing (Universo Jr. still needs to learn), and the rest of the guys did enough, along with the Maya/Hechi stuff, that I’m willing to say this was a solid match. It just needed something more to really grab me, and that just wasn’t going to happen in Puebla I suppose. Ergo, it needed Abbi singing “Edge of Glory” in her birthday suit with all the naughty bits blurred out. On the plus side, maybe it’ll lead to something between Hechicero and Maya? They worked together a lot and Maya did get the pin to win the match at the end. Maybe they go again next week to set up a NWA World Historic Light Heavyweight Title match? A man can dream dammit!

Euforia, Felino, Mr. Niebla defeated Dragón Lee, Soberano Jr., Valiente two falls to one

Ladies, gentlemen, person who is currently controlling CMLL’s replay system and doing terribly at it, I regret to inform you that the Nieblassaince (copyright 2018) has come to an end. It was a good three week run wasn’t it? Unfortunately the time is up and Mr. Niebla must now return to either being drunk off his ass or just very mediocre. I’ll leave it up to you to decide, but he was off his game tonight, botching a Dragón Lee rana and a Soberano headscissors in the span of three minutes. You know you’re doing it wrong when you make stuff those guys look good every time look bad. Even worse, those were pretty much the only memorable moments of the match, unless you count Soberano showing up Dragón Lee by doing a Fosbury Flop to Lee’s mediocre suicide dive. Besides that and the botches, this as quick, kind of dull and a match that felt like the guys not named Soberano or Euforia were trying to get out as fast as they could. Holy shit, I just realized that Soberano and Euforia were in a match against each other! CMLL finally does it and this is what we get! For shame Paco, for shame. I expect we now won’t see Soberano and Euforia do something together again till 2028 at the earlier. Luckily Euforia will still be awesome by then so it’ll be alright.

Diamante Azul, Gran Guerrero, Pierroth defeated Marco Corleone, Rey Bucanero, Terrible two falls to one

You’ll never believe this sports fans, but not only is Diamante Azul back from France, but he’s also back to challenge Marco Corleone for the Heavyweight Title in a match we totally haven’t seen before! Are you excited? ARE YOU EXCITED?!

In all seriousness, I’m sure the match will actually be fine as Marco has been doing a hell of a job delivering in his title matches, not to mention he and Azul did well the first time. But like, can we get a fresher match up or something? Would Marco vs. one of the Dinamitas be so bad? Or how about Marco vs. Hechicero? Better yet, why not anyone against Hechicero?! I’m probably getting worked up over nothing and I’m sure I’ll enjoy Azul-Marco II next week to some extent, but I’m starting to get the feeling that CMLL is going to go to this well nine million times and come this time in 2019 I’ll be having Nam like flashbacks to these encounters the same way I do towards the Rush-UG matches these days. Anyways, the match setting up next week’s encounter was basically what you’d expect; short, nowhere close to memorable and only fun when Terrible and Rey Rey Buc were doing stuff. Bucanero even did a headscissors! Why he did that in a throwaway match beats the hell out of me, but hey, it’s better than having nothing to mention about this match at all. Welcome back CMLL Puebla. How I didn’t miss you at all.

That’s a wrap sports fans. I’ll be back tomorrow to talk about hockey! That’s right; hockey! I’ll also try to do a Tuesday show review, but there will be no guarantees. Till tomorrow, GOALIE FIGHT!

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