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CMLL Puebla Preview: Volador and the UG!
You hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of the CMLL train pulling into Cult Station for yet another preview column. Yes, assuming you just ignored that statement I just made in favor of a much cleverer sentence you came up with, I’m continuing my CMLL writing duties with a preview of tomorrow night’s Puebla Show. I know what you’re thinking lucha newbies; CMLL has more than a Friday show? Yes they do; in fact CMLL have several throughout the week, with Monday’s Puebla Show and Tuesday’s Arena Mexico show being the most prominent due to the fact they stream on YouTube. With all this free time I now have on my hands, I figured I’d throw some coverage to these shows for the future. That begins with tomorrow’s Monday show, which features a whole lot of matches and one bout that will leave you with the same look someone would have after making out with Brie Larson. But enough about Captain Marvel; let’s do some predicting. Moses, meme you will!
Asturiano, París, Zaeta Roja vs. Guerrero Espacial, Rey Apocalipsis, Toro Bill Jr.
What to Expect: At the risk of once again looking like a complete and utter fool, let me completely dismiss this match by saying we’ll all probably forget it even happened five minutes after it actually happened. Kind of like Star Trek Into Darkness, minus the Batch’s chilling portrayal as KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!! And yes, I am decreeing from this day forth we only refer to the man as KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!! Deal with it.
Winners: Toro Bill Jr.’s team will win. Why? Because I like his name best. This is what happens when you don’t care. Now I know how everyone who predicts WWE pay per views feels! I kid I kid.
Flyer, Pegasso, Tigre Rojo Jr. vs. Cancerbero, Fuerza Chicana, Raziel
What to Expect: Now we’re talking folks! You can never go wrong with a match that features Ibarra family member Flyer and the underrated Pegasso involved. Of course this match also has Cancerbero, and the last time I saw Cancerbero do something excellent was the same year the non racist version of Gone With the Wind was released. The way I see it for this match is simple; if Flyer, Pegasso and Tigre Rojo are allowed to do cool flip things then this match should be fun. If this turns into another one of those rudo dominated ground bouts that goes on for too long then you can expect to find me in the fetal position pondering the meaning of existence. Hey, much like how I watch the second half of Gone With the Wind! Seriously, has there ever been a great movie that’s been both racist and so quickly gone from great to bad like that film? At least Birth of a Nation was a consistent disgrace in all forms.
Winners: I’m rolling with Flyer’s team here, mainly because I don’t want L.A. Park to eventually hunt me down, beat me and then cut a scathing promo on my mother. Get it done Flyer; get it done!
Estrellita & Lluvia vs. Dalys & Zeuxis
What to Expect: This will be the usual luchadora’s tag team that CMLL WAIT A SECOND ZEUXIS IS IN THIS MATCH?! Praise be Wanda, praise be!
Excuse my outburst there but you can never, EVER feel bad about a match that involves the best luchadora in Mexico and the best women’s wrestler you haven’t heard of (but should have). Add to the fact that her partner is Dalys, another really good performer, and this match has the chance to be entertaining and will most definitely have me glued the entire time. I’ll be interesting to see how the technicas perform here. I’ve never been offended by an Estrellita or Lluvia performance but I also can’t point to a match of theirs that left me with the feels I had after KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN’s “I’ve hurt you, and I wish to go on HURTING YOU!” speech. Perhaps their quarrel with the Queen of Lucha will finally be that match.
Winners: I’ll never bet against one of my favorite performers. Zeuxis and Dalys take this two falls to one, leaving me one satisfied panda.
Máximo Sexy, Stigma, Valiente vs. Dragón Rojo Jr., Rey Escorpión, Skándalo
What to Expect: This match is interesting for two reasons. On one hand, this match features four really talented dudes in Maximo, Valiente, Rojo and Escorpion, with one of those guys coming off an awe inspiring performance just a few weeks ago. On the other hand, these same teams faced off in the same exact arena one week ago in a match that, if you believe luchablog, was borderline vomit inducing. In short, much like Megan Fox in poorly scripted Diablo Cody film this match can go both ways. I’d like to believe that last week’s match was an aberration and that this week we’ll get Valiente soaring much like he did Friday night, Maximo, Rojo and Escorpion reverting back to their usual entertaining selves and Stigma looking more like the guy who used to go toe to toe with Virus and less like a dude who just got off the injured list. Will it be? Do I have to answer that now?!
Winners: Maximo’s involvement here always means a set up for a CMLL Heavyweight Title match is in play, which means all three rudos could potentially be set up to challenge him at a future Puebla show. I’m going to say that doesn’t happen though, with the technicos instead picking up the win and that being that. If it does go the other way, look for it to be Escorpion who challenges Maximo; even if I’d prefer it be Rojo. Why? For some reason the thought of Maximo-Rojo leaves me with the same feeling Calvin Candie had after he met Dr. King Schultz and Django Freeman.
Black Tiger & King Jaguar vs. Ares & Disturbio
What to Expect: The first of three big main events on this show. You might be asking yourself what a Relevos Suicidas match is; pretty much it means that the losing team here will go on to face each other in the next match, with either their masks or their hair on the lines. There are stakes, there are massive stakes, there are climax of Megalopolis stakes and then there’s this type of match. Those are some pretty high stakes.
As I’m much more familiar with the Arena Mexico lineup than Puebla I can’t exactly tell you a whole lot about any of these four, other than the fact that they fight each other very often and that the Puebla crowd generally eats up this sort of thing. I take it they will do just that for this bout, which I expect to be short but memorable leading into what should be an even more anticipated bout right after. And hey, it’s not every day you see a mask vs. mask or mask vs. hair match on a show that isn’t a big time event.
Winners: I’m going to follow luchablog’s lead here and say that the match CMLL and the fans want is Black Tiger vs. King Jaguar. In order for that to happen those two would have to lose this match, and lose it they shall, leading to them squaring off with both their masks on the line. Who wins that? Seeing as Black Tiger is more active than Jaguar and is at least loosely associated with the famous gimmick used in New Japan I’ll go with him to take this in three falls and unmask his longtime partner/rival. It won’t be Atlantis vs…whoever, but it should still be something.
Volador Jr. vs. Último Guerrero
What to Expect: Ladies and gentlemen, if everything else on this show fails and goes down in Backdraft style flames, it will still be worth watching because this match is the main event. You have one of the premier high flyers in lucha and the fastest man to ever set foot in a wrestling ring against one of CMLL’s top veterans; oh and neither man’s respective title (the World Historic Welterweight and World Historic Middleweight championships) will be on the line, meaning there’s an extra air of unpredictability to this one. Unless the spirit of the Great Khali invades both men, this match will at least be good and I expect it’s ceiling to be close to or even higher than the matches both men had with Caristico earlier this year. In short; this could easily be a Match of the Year contender if everything falls into place. Don’t miss out folks. And trust me, I know all about missing out, according to my good friend who misses out all the time. That sentence made a lot more sense in my head.
Winner: Considering Volador always wins these big matches and UG never does (see; last Friday’s Super Viernes), this feels like a good opportunity to give the UG a nice victory. And you know what; I’m going with that for the victory. Ultimo Guerrero will take this one two falls to one, barely squeaking past Volador by hook and crook. Now watch this prediction turn out to be like my last CMLL column with the Social Distortion song!
There you have it folks; I’m off till tomorrow, where I’ll preview CMLL’s Tuesday show and review this show. A whole hell of a lot of CMLL is in your future dear reader! Till then, live long and DUCHOVNY! The return is out there.
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