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Ever See The Movie Vice Versa? or Freaky Friday? -- History of the Superbowl Part 16

Updated on July 15, 2011

Prior to the Superbowl hubs, I was talking about the 80s Chicago Bears.

There was only a matter of time before we'd have a crossover event...for this hub is where 80s Chicago Bears meets Super Bowl.

You might find that this is the meatiest of all the hubs, for I don't know what is it about them...

I guess it was that the 85 Bears were the very first NFC team since the merger...that played, lived, thought and functioned like an AFC team.

Their opponents in Super Bowl XX would...just as an AFC team that acted and functioned like an NFC TEAM.

I did write a recap of the 85 season in the Bears hubs, but youtube has a bunch of videos on it. You gotta SEE them.

Yet one thing I left out, was Otis Wilson. I don't see his name mentioned in 6 straight hubs.

After all, he's one of a kind. And the ladies all love him for his body and his mind.

The Bears were Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday. The stern NFC authoritarian that, switching brains with her AFC daughter, was VERY PLAYFUL.

And Lindsay Lohan was the New England Patriots.

The Patriots had their own brain until playoff time. At 11-5, Lindsay Lohan consisted of Irving Fryar and Stanley Morgan at reciever, Craig James at running back, Todd Collins at fullback, two star linebackers in Andre Tippett and Steve Nelson, and a bunch of very fast young special teams players.

Then she switched brains with Jamie Lee.

Into the Meadowlands of New Jersey she goes, this NFC team in a child's body, however hot that child is, and takes the lead on the Jets with a field goal in the first, never looking back.

The Patriots would score 2 of every 3 point from here on the other team's turnovers.

The Patriots next opponent was the Raiders in Oakland, meanwhile the Dolphins were hosting Cleveland.

The Browns are going to illustrate the problems with the AFC now.

They never had this kind of trouble.

But anyway, Bernie Kosar from Miami becomes a big big BIG star this year.

It took him as long to develop as Montana, and yes Elway had the Broncos in the playoffs in 84, but Kosar's star in 1985 was growing.

Cleveland takes a 21-3 lead in Miami, meanwhile the Patriots trail in Los Angeles 17-7.

Do you hear the Gunsmoke theme?

Marino and Eason each start leading comebacks, each fueled off turnovers, as Fulton Walker of the Raiders would fumble a kickoff (the hero of Hogs vs. Bees), Marcus ALLEN would fucking fumble, and then in Cleveland...

Who you think fumbled? I'll give you two guesses.

That's right, Byner.

Ernest Byner becomes a story from this sentence on, as he will have a whole lot of grief to go as he grows up...

The Patriots take the lead in the 3rd quarter and hold onto it, again jumping on Oakland turnovers in the fourth quarter.

Meanwhile Miami's running back Something Davenport and Tony Nathan puts up almost 200 rushing yards in the biggest and most startling late game comeback in playoff history.

Dan Marino was heading back to the AFC Championship game.

They would be hosting New England.

Now this looks like nothing for Miami.

But on the first play of the game, Miami fumbles.

New England scores.7-0.

Miami would make it 10-7, but then Marino would fumble, Nathan would fumble, everybody once motherfreaking again...FUMBLED TO NEW ENGLAND!!!!

The Patriots would keep a slight lead the whole game from this point, and the tension started to eat at the rain-jacket-clad crowd at the Orange Bowl, who back then had packed the place unlike today.

This was nerve-racking. The Dolphins were messing up.

Meanwhile the Patriots were doing a ball-control offense where James and Collins would bolt ahead for one first down after another.

Then when they would get to the Miami and Raider and Jet 4 yard line, they'd copy Bill Walsh and or Tom Landry...Eason would throw a pass to his running back who would run in between him and the center and never fall, never trip, never get hit like my ass used to.

It was 31-14 in the third quarter, and god damn it would stay that way.

Jamie Lee Curtis had made it to the Super Bowl without fingering those swell looking Lohan nips.

The Bears meanwhile had crushed a Giants team that had kicked the SHIT out of the 49ers in the wildcard game.

Simms had two touchdown passes.

Meanwhile the resurgent Los Angeles Rams would beat the Cowboys.

Yes the Bears beat these Cowboys 44-0, but that didn't stop Dallas from winning the NFC East in one of the swellest recoveries ever.

So the Bears smoke the Giants and Rams, and go into the Superbowl without allowing a SINGLE FREAKING POINT.

Welcome to Super Bowl XX.

New England has two quarterbacks, and the backup, Steve Grogan, was pretty decent.

What the hell...we might as well try to compliment them. They're about to go right into the slaughterhouse...

Oddly enough, shit looked like it would go New England's way.

The Patriots would make Payton fumble in field goal territory, and put themselves ahead on a field goal 3-0 not even 90 seconds in.

Just like had happened to the Jets and the Dolphins.

But the Bears would drive down the field and kick as well. 3-3.

Now from this point out, it gets FUNNNNNNNN.

Patriots start at their own 20. 3-3, these hefty studs of Magical Upset Land.

Broadway Eason behind the center there.

Dent and Marshall sack Eason, make him fumble, Hampton picks it up at the Patriots 13.

The Fridge tries to PASS?!!!! And he fucks it up.

Players screw up.

So Chicago kicks a field goal. 6-3 Bears.

Next possession for New England, Dent makes James fumble by dragging his ass and just shaking him until the ball comes out. Singletary beats nine other Bears to the ball, picks it up, once again, in the Patriots redzone.

Matt Suhey the Bears fullback gets the pitch...goes right....stops...stopsstopsstops...then goes straight ahead and blasts through and I'm IN BITCH!!! YEAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

13-3 Chicago.

There's more?

Much more, baby.

Next possession for the Patriots...3 yards for James. This is the first play of New England's that goes for POSITIVE YARDAGE!!!!!!!

Remember they didn't make jack on the Payton fumble.

So now instead of the Pats having -4 total yards...they have -1.

25 minutes into a 60 minute game.

So New England punts, the Bears get it back, and the Bears have this punt returner named Kevin Ortego who was all showing off and doing that shimmy with the ball completely exposed.

Ortego would end up being the unsung hero of the Patriots...and he was a Bear.

For now, McMahon simply takes them down field yet again, and goes in by himself from 2 yards out. 20-3 Chicago.

Then Patriots get it back, they get -13 yards.

Well, at least it was a double digit.

Yet it's the punt after this New England three and out, that results in Leslie Frazier, one of the Bears starting cornerbacks...busting up his knee and NEVER SUITING UP IN FOOTBALL AGAIN!!!!


Because Ortego calls a fair catch on the punt return, but goes dashing down field with it anyway. This results in Frazier getting rocked when he didn't even know he was supposed to block!

Yet New England could forget about praising anybody for jack, because in to replace Leslie Frazer...was rookie Reggie Phillips...

Stay tuned...

So meanwhile, the Patriots at this point, with just a little bit of time left in the half, decides to take Eason out of this bitch and put in Grogan.

Grogan manages to get the Patriots into Bears territory on his first drive.

He gets them to the 37.

New England could go for a three, but it will be from 55 yards out.

They say NO?!!!

And punt.

And so the Bears get it back and once again, get downfield.

There's a fight with about 12 seconds before the half.

During which, McMahon runs away from the skirmish, picks up the ball, and heaves it out of bounds.

This stops a clock that was ticking away as the fight was going on!

So the Bears, after winning the fight, get a spare field goal before the half. 23-3.


It was the longest halftime show ever for more then 2,000,000 people downtown in frozen ass Chicago, Illinois.

They were in bars, at hotels, in their homes, listening to the radio outside, and they wanted to know whether or not they could celebrate.

They would have to sit through a long ass halftime show first.

So when the second half got underway, it was pretty much as if there were five minutes left in the game.

The Patriots with Grogan get ready to march downfield.

Well Grogan was sacked twice...

YEEEEEAHHHHHH!!!! goes America's third largest city simultaneously.

And then the Bears get it back.

Here it comes.

They score here, and the first score of partiers will be rushing out the doors drunk.

Sure enough, McMahon with a play-action fake to Payton...and a 60 yard bomb...

Oh it looks like he's got it...oooooooo....ooooo.....

And the ball...



Willie Gault would advance 60 yards, putting them at the Patriots 27.

They play the three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust...

Then McMahon runs it in...30-3 Chicago.


But wait...there's some more game left.

So the Patriots get it back, Grogan back to pass...throws...he hits his re...


37-3 Chicago.

And then Patriots get it back, Cedric Jones the wideout fumbles, Marshall recovers it, Dennis Gentry brings them down to the 2, and then in comes

The Fridge.

He bowls through, gets his touchdown, gets up and spikes that ball.


44-3 Chicago at the end of 3.

46-10 the final after a Patriot score and a Henry Wachter safety.

For New England, Collins had -4 yards.

James had 1 yard. He was the rushing leader that day for them.

And Grogan would connect on 17 of 30, 177 yards with a touchdown and 2 interceptions.

The Bears were World Champions, and had won their first Superbowl.

The coolest team in NFL and maybe sports history.

to be continued...


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