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He-Man(and Metallica) Helped Me Slaughter My 7km Run Today.

Updated on May 26, 2018
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Channel your inner unstoppable hero to accomplish your fitness goals yet don't skip warm up/stretches, even superheros get tight achilles.

It's only rain...

As I write this I am enjoying a healthy Metallica/He-Man inspired running workout regimen.

This Saturday morning i went for a lovely 7km run. My intention was to hit the 8 or 9km mark. The weather was not co-operating with me however. Fast moving, large, dark clouds and distant thunder moved in. I was about to turn back, in fact I did, but then I decided to resume my original path. What made me continue on my original path? Curiosity, I heard about some kind of relay event at a park near me, I overheard lots of ruckus and hoopla over speakers in the distance as the clouds overhead unleashed their fury. I decided to continue on to my original path as the sheets of rain completely drenched me and my new waterproof fitbit blaze.

Some rainy weather running tips...

Running in the rain isn’t that bad really.

Skin is waterproof and the rain is exhilarating and cooling at the same time. As long as you take off everything wet when you get home, especially footwear. Wool socks are awesome because the water does not stay near your toes. Wet toes can equal toenail fungus. If you're concerned about toenail fungus or you see a spot starting up, dry them off and wipe them with some apple cider vinegar. The vinegar will help prevent it, or clear it up as quickly as any prescription stuff the doc will give you.

People who must wear prescription glasses may experience fogging issues. I borrowed a tip from scuba divers, smear some of your own saliva on your already wet lenses. The saliva prevent your lenses from fogging up. I don't understand how or why, but I do know that it is gross and that it works.

Bad-ass your way through your run

So as I ran by the relay event I was somewhat amused by the hoards of people scattering to find shelter from the evil and deadly rain.

I felt like an absolute badass running along my path, drenched and absolutely unphased by the pounding raindrops. I literally felt like I could do absolutely anything. At that moment I felt like He-Man. I then began drawing my inspiration and power from the whole He-Man thing.

“By the power of Grayskkull” I was running along with my imaginary broadsword absolutely un-f**king stoppable. “I have the power” The only thing thankfully that was omitted was the part where lightning strikes He-Man’s sword. At the same time Metallica was in the background just feuling me along. He-Man was actually a very positive role model for young boys. At the end of each He-Man episode there was always a moral learned.

Even though super gay, still cool.

As an old school-ish pre LGBTQ male, who identifies as a male and is attracted to females... I would never adorn the gay purple/rose colored tights and pink(coral) blouse that Adam wore as his mortal persona, nor the even skimpier gay fur thong get-up that he-man wore. I won't even get into the gayness of his girly blonde goldi-locks hair(he's even got bangs!), yet I could still visualize myself harnessing the power that He-Man possessed.

As a fictional medieval war hero, wouldn’t you want your legs and toes protected? Like what if you fall and scrape your knee, or snag a toe nail and rip it out or something? Ouch. Mind you the villains were dressed the same way, I guess it was a villian/hero dress code.

Or maybe it was just a big sausage fest like "professional" wrestling... who knows, wait, it was just a cartoon...I'm so confused...I'm going for a run...

Apologies if I've offended any homosexuals in any way, that was not the intention whatsoever. I actually respect Adam/He-Man in his color choices, just as I respect people who have embraced their sexuality.

Alright, excuse me as I go find the coolest, least gay looking He-Man image that I can use as my Fitbit and Strava profile photos...I'm having a hard time getting past the girly blonde hair(bangs are so gay!).... I'll just keep my old profile pic.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2018 Ardot


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