ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Sports and Recreation»
  • Team Sports

"KIDS", "BOILER ROOM", AND THE STRANGE ORIGINS OF KOBE'S SHARP ELBOW -- History of the NBA Finals Part 28

Updated on March 14, 2010

1977

In about 1995, one of the best movies ever made would be released. "Kids".

It stars Chloe Slovengy as the beautiful and talented city of Portland, Oregon.

And then there's the 76ers...having sex with virgins, and stealing your stock.

Accusing you and your friends of eating tubesteak with a side of underwear.

For nothing would have made the NBA wack upon itself harder -- then the site of the North's best example of their values...versus a town that is HEAD TO TOE SPOILED WHITE HIPPIES.

Yo.

There are more trees in downtown Portland then in suburban Winnipeg. 

There is not one grocery store, at least when I was there, where the groceries can be placed in a decent fucking brown paper bag surrounded in plastic for the handles like a normal person. Everything drops out from under the bottom.

Recycled paper.

If in fact you're at a place that even has bags.

For Portland, Oregon is the sight of your girlfriend showing up at the apartment with a station wagon filled with groceries all over the seats.

You will have to make about twenty-nine trips to the car and back to grab handfuls of items.

Through the windows, for when groceries are on the seats, opening the door makes them fall out?! 

Portland has MILLIONS of bums.

It's a fashion statement.

Truckin'...oooh-oooh-truck-KIN.

Portland is a straight up small town small town.

A Larry O'Brien town.

A Bill Walton town.

An old NBL town. 

Or to Telly and Casper...a girl. 

Who is now made lethal due to their own negligence...

For the Portland Trailblazers will take the form of Jenny and actually spend all season limping around and trying to locate the NBA Finals...so they can warn Philadelphia that it sucks.

And is a waste.

Now Philadelphia's guys were not like the people in Boiler Room or Kids personality wise. They were not assholes, they were in fact some cool motherfuckers.

But Philadelphia sports fans...were.

For this would be an all-star cast not seen since the movies Boiler Room...or Kids.

They're the same kids, the ones at JP Marlin simply are white with short haircuts.

If that wasn't what 84% of America didn't trust, they would be in Washington Park with the rest of the kids.

Remember how the Washington Park kids seemed like chill peaceful Portland people....until the gay couple walked by?

Then they showed their Philadelphia-ness.

That was the same group of kids that uttered the tubesteak with underwear joke, and beat a fucker senseless out back for simply posing a threat to someone he didn't know had a huge crew.

Just like these loons at the park due to that black dude with the skateboard.

Same people.

And as such, Jenny will not only be the Portland Trailblazers, but Giovanni Ribisi's dad, the stern, angry judge.

Who will stop this team and simply ask them "have you won any championships for any of these guys?"

Oh god, Seth. 

I'm sick.

I don't want you ever to come around the house again, Seth. 

In the beginning, Julius Erving had been Seth.

He was very good with numbers, business...but was using it to run a backdoor card game which was the ABA.

Then along came Nicky Katt and the other dude.

You really plan on doing this when you're 30? You don't think you'll be injured before then or end up wasting your talents? 

And so Julius would join the 76ers.

The judge was onto this.

For how many of his own friends had kids who were in the ABA?

It wasn't a tribute to civil rights, it was a fucking attempt to make Bill Russell look bad, SETH!!!!

HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME LOOK?!

So Dr. J joins a team that has a lineup you wouldn't fucking believe.

Henry Bibby, Fred Carter, Mike Dunleavy, Doug Collins, Cardwell Jones, Harvey Catchings, George McGinnis, and last but not least...

Kobe's dad Jellybean Joe Bryant.

What's astounding is that Henry and Joe play together...and Kobe elbows Bibby in the head during the playoffs.

??????!!!!!!!!!??????

Their dads must give the kids alot of unwarranted advice regarding the other kid. 

These guys would be HUGE.

Everybody wanted a 76ers autograph during 1976.

Dr. J would lead them in just his first year to the NBA Finals.

Meanwhile Portland followed...trying to warn Telly that he sucked before it was too late and their secret was spread to other people. 

Yet Philly will end up at the big party, and win 2 games while Portland isn't even there yet...just sleepwalking...

The 76ers then fall asleep after Game 2.

But then wake up to find Portland now passed out in a chair.

And so they unbuckle Portland's belt...and do their business...

Shhhhh don't worry it's us Philadelphia shhhhh....shhhh.....

And suddenly Philadelphia is infected with the AIDS virus.

When you're young, not much matters. Screwing up is what Philadelphia loves. Take that from them, they truly have nothing.

The Portland Trailblazers win the next 4 games to become the 1977 NBA World Champions.

After which, Philadelphia woke up and looked straight at us.

"Jesus Christ, what happened?" they asked.

http://hubpages.com/hub/KIDS-BOILER-ROOM-AND-THE-STRANGE-ORIGINS-OF-KOBES-SHARP-ELBOW-History-of-the-NBA-Finals-Part-28





Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)