Kitten Cannon: Horrifying and Disgusting

Everyone has an animal toward which they feel some affinity. Conversely, most of us can easily name a creature that we'd enjoy seeing cartoonishly shot out of a cannon courtesy of an online game.

Unfortunately, the online game Kitten Cannon crosses every line of good taste. Even the planet-hating right-wing carnivores at Fox News would be horrified to play this free online game.

Cute cuddly Fluffy is launched out of a massive cannon. Her concussed carcass flies through the air, bounces interminably, and lands on unspeakable hazards such as a man-eating plant, a nest of spikes, or a cache of TNT. She plops to earth in a bloody heap. She never survives.

The kitty never survives. She is doomed when the game begins. Her fate is sealed regardless of the angle of inclination of the cannon or the number of hazards she somehow manages to avoid. She always lands in a bloody heap of rearranged kitty parts.

The object of the 'game' is to coax the cat to fly as far as possible. Adjust the angle of the cannon, press the space bar, and sit back as Fluffy flounces her way to an early demise.

A wise person once said "You can't hug a child with nuclear arms." The same cannot be said of Kitten Cannon; merciless launching of ballistic felines surely rates as a disgusting and horrifying way to consume CPU cycles.  We have sunk so low; we all need to go outside and play.

Kitten Cannon also runs on iPhones. The Apple Corporation sinks to new lows by listing this horrifying program on iTunes for the paltry price of 99 cents. Surely we can find better uses for hand-held electronics. No self-respecting iPhone owner hates kitties this much.

iTune.com informs us that something called "AppCraver" insists that "Kitten Cannon is every bit as addictive as it is online.” We suspect that AppCraver also favors these games:

• Doggy Launcher
• Gerbil Grenades
• Baboon Bombs
• Hamster Hydrogen Bombs
• Titmouse TNT
• Anteater Acid
• Pheasant Plague