Lucha Underground Review: Daaaaaamn Brenda!
Ladies and gentlemen I have watched every single Dragon Lee-Kamaitachi match, I’ve read Steve Gerber’s original Howard the Duck comics; hell I’ve even seen a grown man satisfy a camel (just kidding. Or am I?). But my goodness, none of those things compare to the Lawrence of Arabia style epic Lucha Underground presented tonight. It had everything; a Match of the Year contender, two other really good matches, a num chuck fight in a bathroom a Port-a-Potty wouldn’t venture into and a man in a wizard hat creating a brand new internet meme. In the words of Bill Walton, this might’ve been the greatest thing in the history of the western hemisphere. Let’s talk about it!
Inspirational Speeches in the Locker Room with Willie Mack
You gotta love Big Willie being the inspirational speaker of the Lucha Underground locker room. And hey, seems he’s pretty good at that considering Sexy Star went from wanting nothing to do with accompanying Mack to ringside for his match to changing her mind just like that. My biggest take away from this scene though, especially in retrospect, is just how traumatized Sexy is in regards to the Moths. Let’s just say that would play a massive factor about ten minutes or so after this moment.
Marty “The Moth” Martinez defeated The Mack
First off, LOL at Melissa Santos barely being able to stop herself from cracking up as she introduced Marty, who was doing his usual “flapping of the wings” pose. Further proof that no one can resist the Moth!
As expected this match was part action, part story. I thought both were done really well; Marty and Big Willie seemed to gel very well together and I’d reckon a longer match between the two would come across very well. The biggest story here however was THE DEBUT OF SISTER MOTH! Yes, Sister Moth (who goes by Mariposa) finally made her long awaited arrival to the Temple, complete with a Sabu esq entrance and a costume so cool Kobra Moon can’t believe she didn’t go to the same seamstress. The debut was enough to distract The Mack and give Marty his first win in the Temple and most importantly reveal just how far gone Sexy Star is compared to her form last season. Remember that strong, empowered, bad ass who was afraid of nothing? That Sexy Star has been broken completely. That’s a ballsy development to go with and it’s going to be exciting to see how Sexy’s journey back to her true self goes. This has the potential to be an amazing story.
The Trials of the Fenix
Poor Fenix; man gets a really nice scene where he talks about how he’s overcome everyone who has doubted him or taken for granted, and it turns out to be probably be the sixth best thing about this show. Only in the LU are you going to find that. At least Fenix can take solace he was a small part of the best part of the show. Dammit, I nearly said too much!
Num Chucks, Two on One Beat Downs and BAH GAWD, THAT’S AEROSTAR’S MUSIC!!!
First off, is it just me or was it destiny that Jack Evans’ first ever backstage scene for Lucha Underground would involve him taking a piss? Classic Evans I tell you! Secondly, holy shit was this good! Jack vs. Drago was continued, P.J. Black joined the fray and turned rudo by siding with Evans (as teased during the long ago season two trailer), Drago held his own before finally being overpowered and HOLY GOD AEROSTAR HAS RETURNED FROM THE PAST TO SAVE HIS FRIEND! I tell you, the added mystique added to Aerostar since season one isn’t just working; it’s working on an F.C. Barcelona level right now. I’m telling you, big things are set up for the Intergalactic Maniac, and I don’t just mean the really cool tag match that will happen between him, Drago, the Darewolf and the Dragon Slayer. I think it’s already gotten four stars on the rating scale.
No Disqualification Match
Cage defeated Taya Valkyrie
We started off with some classic bait and switch; originally scheduled to be Cage-Mundo in a No DQ match, Taya came out to instead challenge Cage to a match with the same stipulation (by the way; hell of a promo by Taya). While I’m sure Mundo-Cage would’ve been great, Taya vs. Cage was by far the right decision or this evening. This was a brutal match that featured an all time amazing spot (Cage’s flawless, and I mean FLAWLESS, superplex through two tables outside the ring on Taya) and two excellent stories. First, Taya was presented as an absolute bad ass and has convinced me she’s one of the toughest people on planet Earth. She took an absolute beating here from Cage, and yet continued to scratch and claw all the way to the end. Second, we finally got to see Cage get some well deserved revenge against Taya and Mundo, starting with his absolute decimation of Taya and then followed it up by overcoming Mundo’s interference to score the victory. In the end, this was a star making performance for Taya, a star solidifying performance for The Machine and one of the most entertaining matches of season two. Should we even bring up the possibility of dissention between Mundo and Taya after he abandoned her at the end? Not yet; key word being yet.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN BRENDA!
Somehow, on a night that featured another amazing Aerostar scene, a Match of the Year candidate, a bonkers No DQ match and an amazing debut, the second best part of the show (at least for me) was Famous B once again killing it with another 423-Get-Fame commercial. We learned two valuable lessons here girls and boys; everything is always, and I mean ALWAYS, cooler when you’re wearing a wizard’s hat that looks like it came from Fantasia and “DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN BRENDA!” is going to become either the next great internet meme or my first ever tattoo. In fact, I think it might become both! Well done Famous B. Not to brag (who am I kidding?!), but I said this man would be a big deal this season and he’s already the breakout star WITHOUT HAVING STEPPED INTO THE RING! I can only describe his rise as such.
Win or Go Home
Lost in all the greatness that was this evening was the fact that even more greatness was set up for next week. Ivelisse and Catrina had an unseen meeting (aww) that set up The Greatest Trios Team to Ever Live against the Disciples of Death next week (yay!) where the Lucha Underground Trios Championships and the careers of Ivelisse, Angelico and Son of Havoc will be on the line (yay and boo). Hold on, let’s break out Brian Griffin again.
As per usual, there were a couple of things I found pretty interesting here. First, Havoc is clearly lying to Angelico about Ivelisse being his ex girlfriend, and if he isn’t, then he’s failed in a way no one has since Lugia in Pokemon the Movie 2000. Second, Ivelisse is definitely the leader of the team. It pains me to say this as an Angelico mark, but it’s pretty clear after that segment (whether it be from the tone of all three or the way the scene was shot) that Ivelisse is the Queen of this group. And finally, mother of puss bucket that match next week will be great. I know people are iffy on the Skeletor Army, but forget them for one second and try to think of what Ivelisse, Angelico and Son of Havoc will do with their careers on the line. I’m pretty sure Angelico might jump off every roof in the Temple. Hell, he may jump off the Temple.
Triple Threat Match for the Lucha Underground Championship
Mil Muertes (c) vs. Prince Puma vs. Pentagon Jr.
Move over Fenix-King Cuerno and look out Dragon Lee-Kamaitachi; there’s a new candidate for Match of the Year in town. This triple threat not only lived up to the hype, it sped past it like Speed Racer in Casa Cristo. Everyone did their job at the highest level; our Immortan Mil Muertes was his usual beast king self and looked just as good as he did all of last season. I loved that we got to see Pentagon show a bit more his aerial assault here and you could clearly see why he’s one of the most popular and greatest all around performers in wrestling today. And what can you say about Prince Puma; that man is a lightning bolt, a kamikaze bomb and a super hero all gift wrapped into one giant ball of awesome. The stuff he did tonight was some of the best I’ve ever seen him do in the Temple (I’m still trying to decide whether his diving hurricanrana from a railing or that shooting star press from the stands was his best move), and a reminder that he’s indeed one of the best high flyers in wrestling.
Ultimately though, Mil was able to pull out the victory after a double Flatliner, which was set up by two glorious spears and Pentagon attempting to break Puma’s arm instead of going for the win (quietly a huge moment here and proof that Pentagon still needs a few more lessons from Master Vamp before he’s ready to ascend to a higher plain). The big development afterwards was Fenix arriving atop the Temple steps and declaring he will be cashing in that Gift of the Gods Championship to face Mil Muertes next week. In the words of Mike Francesca, “dis is yuge!”. Not only does it mean we’ll be seeing Mil vs. Fenix again (a rivalry that produced two of the most violent matches ever), but this, coupled with the Disciples of Death vs. The Greatest Trios Team to Ever Live severely raises the stakes with Aztec Warfare on the horizon. Is this where Catrina and the Immortan tighten their grip on the Temple? Or are we about to see the power slip through their fingers? Or is it a combo? All I know is that I have to find Aerostar so we can time travel there right now; waiting a week to find out is crueler than Remedy not releasing Alan Wake 2!
And I’m spent. I shall now go play as Leicester City in FIFA while trying not to replay tonight’s show five hundred thousand times in my head. Till next time, let’s see what happens when Jamie Vardy and Famous B collide in meme form!
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