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Lucha Underground Preview: What Shall We Do Now?
In case you were living under a rock or caring way too much about former WCW stars this past week (I’m somewhat guilty of that last point), Lucha Underground has been doing some stuff. Last week’s episode was the highest rated of season three thanks to Aztec Warfare and Sexy Star becoming the first ever luchadora to hold the Lucha Underground Championship. It was a polarizing decision to say the least and one that had everyone wondering what happens next. Well, we’re only one day away from finding out. LU is back on the air tomorrow night and it appears we’re going to get an answer to how long this Sexy Star reign will last thanks to Johnny Mundo cashing in his insurance policy (the Gift of the Gods Championship) this week. There’s other stuff as well, but none quite as big on the totem pole as that. As such, let’s break it down and see where things are going to go. Moses, make them hills alive with the sound of meme!
The Black Lotus Triad is Gonna Kill You
What to Expect: Let the record show that the LU preview blurb states that Black Lotus is returning to the Temple this Wednesday. The problem; she already returned last week, alongside those ninjas she brought for the ride. Get with the times dude who writes the preview blurb. Thus this looks less of a return to me and more of a “oh shit, someone is going to get crunched like a Cool Ranch Dorito and that someone is probably Pentagon Dark!” I know, he’s Pentagon and unlike last week he’ll be more prepared. But here’s the thing about Pentagon; he’s volatile, he’s emotional and most of all he’s careless. Remember when he wanted Matanza after last year’s Aztec Warfare and ended up all “THE BAT IS BROKEN!”? I can’t shake the feeling something like that is about to happen again. Pentagon may be ready, but so will Black Lotus and her ninjas. And, as Obi-Wan Kenobi once brilliantly put it, she’s probably returning with greater numbers.
Winners: The Lotus Triad will be victorious, one way or another. The best hope is that whatever they do to Pentagon isn’t too vicious (it will be). But never you fear Pentagon fans; they’re merely a temporary roadblock to the greatness he’s destined for. In other words he’ll be back breaking arms and no time and you can go back to complaining about why he doesn’t win every match. It’ll be glorious, and I’m not talking about over the hill former TNA wrestlers who are living off an entrance theme.
The Rabbit Tribe Debuts!!!
What to Expect: Excuse me for a second; I need to lose my mind with complete and utter joy.
YES! PAUL LONDON BABY! Not that I haven’t been enjoying those wonderful scenes hyping up these rascally rabbits but nothing quite beats getting to see one of your favorite wrestlers ever back in the saddle again. Unless the LU preview people are lying then it’s finally going down this week! I don’t even care what they’re doing honestly. If it’s another scene in the Temple, only this time with Dario, then I expect it’ll be a win. If it’s a match then I further expect greatness. London still has it in the ring guys; I watched him at Triplemania and I caught video of one of the live events he worked for LU’s Cricket Wireless tour and you’d be hard pressed to see any difference between now and ten years ago when he and Brian Kendrick ruled WWE’s tag division together. The only mystery will be with the mohawked rabbit and the checkered dude, and whether they’re new guys being brought in or repackaged dudes we thought were long dead I can’t imagine they’re anything less than good. And even if they aren’t, who cares?! PAUL LONDON BABY! It’s the return to the big time I’ve always wanted and hopefully this week is the start of some really cool shit that morphs into more really cool shit over the rest of the season and beyond.
Winners: This one is trickier. If the Rabbits are doing anything other than a match then they’ll be victorious just by being there. If they’re working a match? Who knows; remember that LU has a history of having their debuting talent lose on the way in, a practice many bemoan until you remember that all the people who did (Angelico, Aerostar, Jack Evans, Taya, P.J. Black, the list goes on) have all turned out fine anyway. In short; it could go either way. Really who cares; the most important thing is that the Rabbit Tribe is here and the Paul London comeback tour can begin! Everything else is invalid.
Catrina’s Gonna Confront Jeremiah
What to Expect: I have a crazy, crazy theory for you here sports fans. Are you ready? Good cause here it is; Ivelisse was supposed to win Aztec Warfare III and become new Lucha Underground Champion, not Sexy Star. Let me explain; you obviously remember that Sexy won the belt by besting Mil Muertes in a grueling final few minutes right? Well who was out there with Mil trying to will him to victory? Catrina. Whose Catrina supposed to be throwing down with come Ultima Lucha Tres? None other than Ivelisse. Add in the fact that there was a blatant callback to the spot where Ivelisse almost slayed Mil Muertes with a surprise roll up during their classic match back in season two and I’m willing to bet that the original plan was for Ivelisse to win the title from Mil in order to start kicking the story into high gear. Instead she got hurt and Sexy, who had the biggest arc alongside Johnny Mundo thus far in season three, took her place. I doubt anyone will admit it but I’m fairly convinced. And I’m even more so now that we’re getting a scene this week between Catrina and Ivelisse’s new squeeze. Look how I tied that all in!
Whether or not my theory is right it’s no coincidence that Catrina is approaching Ivelisse’s new boyfriend; the only question is why? I’ve got a couple of theories; one she’s doing it to send a message to Ivelisse in some shape or form. Two she’s going to try to seduce/turn Jeremiah to the dark side of the force (not that it looks hard; have you see Jeremiah’s personality) in order to further fuck with Ivelisse’s head. Or three, Jeremiah is already in cahoots with Catrina and Mil to attack at Ivelisse from where she’d least expect it and this scene will merely confirm that. I’d put some serious capital on it being one of the last two; remember that Jeremiah is seen with Mil several times in the season three trailer. What better way to get him involved then to have it be revealed he’s betraying (or already betrayed) his girlfriend for the one of her biggest enemies? This moment will either be the start to that or the start of us realizing it was the plan from the beginning. Poor Ivelisse; should’ve never left that Son of Chaos I tell you.
Winner: Catrina. She always wins. She’s like the Jimmie Johnson of LU, only a hundred times more interesting that Jimmie Johnson could ever hope to be.
Killshot vs. Dante Fox
What to Expect: I was about to wrap this column up when LU tweeted about this match happening. Good thing I wasted a few minutes procrastinating huh?! Considering the history between these two and the fact that both men are so freakin good I anticipate expectations for this will be high. I’d only caution people with this; this will only be the first actual match between these two and I’m willing to bet it won’t be the last. You really think they’re going to go all out here and leave nothing for the rest of the feud? I can’t see that happening just yet. Thus expect this to be more of a taste of what’s to come, ala what Marty and Killshot did to each other last year during season two. Don’t be sour though; a taste of what these two can do together is probably more fun than most, and if nothing else you know Dante Fox will do something big for his first ever singles match in the Temple.
Winner: Dante Fox all day every day. Killshot strikes me as someone still reluctant to attack his former brother in arms, despite the fact that Fox has pretty much confirmed he hates Killshot with the passion of a thousand angry Chi-Chi’s. That’ll give Dante the edge here to take Killshot down, with the story then morphing into Killshot slowly but surely realizing the friend he knew is gone and he needs to put him down. Sort of 97/98 Kane-Undertaker if you get my drift.
Lucha Underground Championship Match
Sexy Star (c) vs. Johnny Mundo
What to Expect: I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if this match turns into a triple threat with Matanza involved; you can never put anything past that dastardly El Jefe. Either way this will be one of the most hotly anticipated matches in LU history, despite the fact that the match will be at best average in terms of quality. I think we’ve seen enough of Sexy and Mundo wrestling to know that these two don’t have the chemistry together, so anyone expecting something along the lines of No Mas or the Sexy-Evans match should check their expectations at the door. So why are people looking forward to this? Because of everything surrounding it both in and out of the Temple. In the Temple we’ve got Sexy trying to prove her historic title win and hard work to get there wasn’t a fluke, while Mundo is trying to complete his seemingly endless odyssey towards the Lucha Underground Championship. Outside we’ll be keeping a close eye on the buzz and ratings for the show and whether it can sustain the season high numbers Sexy’s win (along with the Aztec Warfare match) brought in last week. This match is (Mike Francesca voice) YOOOGE and, at least to me, seems poised to influence how the rest of the season will go. Will this season turn into Sexy Star’s world? Or are we about to get taken to Slamtown?
Winner: I’ll answer my last question now; we’re going to Slamtown. Nothing against Sexy Star but a) I don’t believe she was the first choice to win last week and b) her story was all about working her ass off to reach the top. That story is now done. Mundo’s however isn’t, and considering LU loves their rudo champs he’s exactly what the doctor ordered; an established rudo who will be significantly different than Matanza in the sense that he could lose any time and will do everything out of the Ric Flair/Bobby Heenan playbook to retain. The bottom line; its Johnny Mundo’s time, and he’ll be the new Lucha Underground Champion after defeating Sexy Star this Wednesday. As that Men’s Warehouse guy would say, I guarantee it. Let’s hope I don’t regret that statement!
And scene. I’ll be back later tonight to break down CMLL’s Tuesday Show, maybe something else if inspiration strikes me. Till we meet again, check for signs to see if you’re coming down with a raging case of DUCHOVNY!